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...So I Stole a Football Team's Password

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CONTENT WARNING: DRUG REFERENCES

(Against a scrolling red background with the Ugly NI, '70s style JuGo, and NHK logo, Takashi Edwards says "This is Public TV For Isuten, on viewer-supported JOTO-TV and JOIT-TV." PUBLIC TV FOR ISUTEN flips in, written in Kanji, along with the Ugly NI and '70s style JuGo.)

Nighttime.

The Lovely and Wild Angels have assembled at the Roxy Recording Studio. Rizuka had insisted on recording a demo at night, since that's when Dragonslayer rehearses to make themselves concentrate.

They perform the short song "Nervous Wreck", a piece of imitation speed metal similar to the song "Not a Problem" by Pistols N Flowers but clocking in at 1:05.

Sakura basically raps the lyrics throughout, which kind of bothers Shugo a bit because she had not intended for any of her songs to be rap, though Sakura had assured her that Dragonslayer basically raps on nearly half of their songs.

No sooner does recording finish than one man on serious drugs bursts in. However, they're ready for him despite not expecting him. This shows when Shugo punches him repeatedly while shouting, "¡Cabrón!"

After 15 seconds of this pummeling, the would-be burglar runs away with his tail between his legs.

Sakura sees him run and, realizing what could've happened, says, "This will not happen again."


(OP: "Hopscotch of Love" by Lovely and Wild Angels)


Today's episode
"...So I Stole a Football Team's Password"


Tuesday morning brought the news of the attempted burglary to the small screen everywhere in the Tri-Cities. Mitsuuru Takahashi was watching the news while wearing one of his sister's outfits: a bright red top with the Hearty Pure logo on it, a denim skirt, and grade D zettai ryouiki, as well as his sister's ballet flats.

His sister, Yuki, comes down and says, "Good morning, Mitsuuru."

Mitsuuru gets up and says, "Oh, good morning, Yuki. Care to watch some news today?"

Yuki says, "I'd be delighted, if only there's something interesting today."

Mitsuuru asks, "Like what?"

Yuki says, "Like this new band I've heard about, the Lovely and Wild Angels, appearing on the news."

"This just in," the news anchor, Yukiko Ayanami, says, "the Lovely and Wild Angels have just fought a burglar just after recording a demo in the Roxy Recording Studio."

Yuki's eyes widen. "OMIGOD, OMIGOD, MITSUURU! IT'S THEM!"

"This footage was taken from a security camera. The red-headed girl, a Sakura Cobain, did something American football experts call clipping, or an illegal block in the back--an offense that calls for a 15-yard penalty for the team whose player commits the infraction.

"And then a girl with dirty blond hair, Shugo Kino, repeatedly punched the man in the gut before he ran away with his tail between his legs.

"Fortunately, nothing was stolen, but the guy was so aggressive he could've knocked the girls good. Here's Michiru Otomo at the Roxy Recording Studio."

The screen then shows a black-haired woman with her hair in a ponytail. She says, "I'm here at the scene of an attempted burglary, where one of the girls who stopped this burglary, this Shugo Kino girl, is coming over right now."

The following is the resulting interview.

"So tell me, Shugo. Are you girls taking martial arts?"

"Sakura is skilled at rakansen, or throwing coins to disable your opponent, and I myself am a black belt in karate since two years ago, but other than that, we haven't studied the martial arts."

"Then what were the other three girls doing?"

"They were scrambling to pack a punch on the guy. I myself managed to put my self-defense skills to good use."

"Did he use any weapons?"

"He had a KNIFE."

"But did he use it?"

"No, actually. He never got the chance."

"There you have it. Five girls vs. a burglar. The score: one to nothing girls. Back to you, Yukiko."

Yuki just stared at the screen in amazement. "Not even Haruhi could do it."

Mitsuuru asks, "Why not?"

"Don't you remember?" Yuki asks. "You were her during that play last year. Haruhi couldn't get involved because it wasn't supernatural!"

"Oh."

Yukiko went on: "...the actress Lori Nekoshippo was recently cast in the upcoming Jim Nameke movie, The Young Witness. Coming straight from the series Futari wa Hearty Pure eXtreme Star, where she plays Glowy Radiant, Miss Nekoshippo is a last-minute addition to the cast of the movie as filming is supposed to start in the summer, which is just a few weeks away..."


Sakura was watching her DVD of the Isuten Junior High drama club's production of Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus, in which Shugo played the part of Victor Frankenstein, whose monstrous creation spirals out of control.

She had just gotten to the part where Frankenstein found a safe haven with Sir Robert Walton when her father knocked on the door. "Come in," she says.

Tamaki steps in and says, "Nothing special, just wanted to let you know that I was tape-recording the morning news when your friend Shugo was on the news. And you were mentioned!"

Sakura shouts, "Hot damn! Just let me finish this and I'll view the tape it's on."

"Fair enough," Tamaki says before closing the door.


Two hours later, Shugo was eating her frozen pizza when her brother Natsuru came in holding the house's wireless telephone. "Telephone," he says before leaving.

Shugo picked it up. The following conversation resulted:

"Moshimoshi?"

"Hi, Shugo!"

"Oh, Sakura! Wassup?" *chomp*

"I saw the news on a videotape Dad recorded, and you were on the news today."

"I saw it."

"You did?"

"Right."

"That's amazing! What did your brother think?"

"Natsuru? Oh, he was amazed, all right. Amazed that not only did I manage to send the burglar running away with his tail between his legs, I even got on the news for the effort!"

"I see. See you soon."

"Adios."

Shugo hangs up. She says to herself, "So now I'm on the news. All those encounters with Sr. Ching Tu Madre and not even one of them made it onto the news, but this incident did... interesting."


Paul Rivers, "Tough Rose" Mackane, and Mac Storeum were in a heated discussion with W. Benny Bara and Saul Toby about the recent events.

Backslash says, "I don't know what happened, but it sure as hell wasn't pretty."

A drunken Tough Rose says, "Yer riyught abawut thaet, Baeckslayush. This is sowmethang feeshie."

Mac says, "The Lovely and Wild Angels managed to stop the burglary, but Goshdarnit, they're girls!"

"What was that?"

Mac says, "I said, they're girls."

Bara snaps, "You can discuss sexism in survival situations on your own time, Mr. Storeum. What's really important is that damned burglary!"

Saul says, "For crying out loud, Benny, Mac is not sexist!"

Bara says, "Really? I couldn't tell."

"Oh."

Bara continues, "In any case, I'm trying to finish up the music for "Within Her Eyes", a continuation of the Allusions trilogy consisting of "Autumn Rain", "Don't You Cry", and "How It Was Gonna Be"."

Backslash asks, "Well, when do we get to write the music?"

Bara just says, "When I tell you."

"Oh."

Bara says, "We've got to set up a password system. I'm hiring a doorman to guard the door. I'll send the doorman to Sakura Cobain's place, which is a couple of miles away, and they can discuss the new password."

Mac asks, "What's the password going to be?"

Bara says, "That's for Sakura to decide."

"Oh."


Sakura is eating her dinner when someone knocks on the door. She gets up and says, "It had better not be one of those door-to-door salesmen, because I'm trying to eat."

She opens the door and sees a stranger. "Who are you?" she asks.

The stranger says, "Itsuki Ikari at your service."

Sakura asks, "What's this about?"

Itsuki says, "I was sent here by W. Benny Bara to discuss a new password for the Roxy Recording Studio."

Sakura says, "Well come on in! I'm eating canned spaghetti and meatballs right now, so let's make it quick before it gets cold."

"Okay."

As Itsuki enters, Sakura closes the door. "So... what did you have in mind?"

Itsuki says, "Oh, I just think some good password choices include Blade Runner, Final Destination, Tremor, Orson Welles, Terminator, Top Gun, Mary, Hombre..."

"I'm sorry," Sakura says, "but I don't speak Spanish."

Itsuki continues, "Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, Green Lantern, Watchmen, Mr. A, Question, Iron Man, Punisher, Cutey Honey, Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Captain Atom, Blue Beetle..."

"Aren't most of those superheroes from DC and Marvel?"

"Spore, Gigadeth, Metal Racer, Dragonslayer, Gdansk, Panther, Black Zombie, Living Black and White, Pistols N Flowers..."

"Hey, those are all heavy metal bands! And Pistols N Flowers got mentioned."

"Tenchi Muyo, El Hazard, Armitage III, Iczer-One, Iczer-Three, Iczelion, Macross, Mospeada, Orguss, Southern Cross, Evangelion, Urusei Yatsura, Fruits Basket, Ranma ½, Gunslinger Girl, InuYasha, Haruhi Suzumiya, Rin-Ne..."

"They're all anime."

"Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, Good, Bad, and Ugly, Coogan's Bluff, Hang 'Em High, Josey Wales, Honkytonk Man, Dirty Harry, Misty, High Plains Drifter, Pale Rider, Gran Torino, Space Cowboy, Joe Kidd, Kelly's Heroes, Eiger, Million Dollar Baby, Garden of Good and Evil..."

"I've got a better idea."

Itsuki asks, "What is it?"

Sakura says, "Swordfish."


(Eyecatch 1: Rizuka and Shugo are jamming when Sakura runs past them and grabs the microphone. The PCHM logo appears in the bottom-left corner.)

(Eyecatch 2: The camera goes between Isuzu on her bass and Taiko in her drum kit and stops when Sakura with the microphone is in view. The PCHM logo appears in the bottom-left corner.)


Shortly afterwards, Sakura calls an emergency meeting for the Lovely and Wild Angels. The meeting would take place at Shugo's house Wednesday morning at 10 A.M.

Wednesday comes. Sakura, Rizuka, Isuzu, and Taiko show up at the door. Sakura whips out her cell phone. She just tells Shugo, "We're here."

Seconds later, Shugo opens the door. She's wearing a black leather jacket, her Pistols N Flowers T-shirt, and blue jeans. "Come on in," she says.

Natsuru sees the girls and says, "Welcome, Sakura. We've been expecting you. The meeting, remember?"

Sakura says, "How could I forget. I'm a busy person, Natsuru. Busy at school, busy at music, busy at fighting demons... hell, I'm busy at everything!"

Natsuru shivers. Sakura's like "What?" Natsuru says, "Didn't my sister tell you already? Swearing sometimes creeps me out, so I'd advise you to please watch your language. Mom may not mind, but Goshdarnit, it would be advisable to watch your language around me."

"Oh."

Natsuru says, "So anyway... you said you were busy fighting demons."

Shugo steps up and says, "Natsuru, can you keep a secret?"

Natsuru says, "Yeah, sure."

Shugo says, "Well, the Lovely and Wild Angels record music by day and fight demons as Pretty Cure by night. My Cure identity is Cure Hendrix."

Sakura says, "And I lead Pretty Cure just like I lead the Lovely and Wild Angels. I'm Cure Nirvana."

Natsuru says, "I could've guessed that."

Sakura notices that he knew her last name was Cobain, as in Kurt Cobain, and tells Natsuru, "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Anyway," Natsuru says, "hurry on over to the living room. I've gotten it all ready for your meeting."

"Thanks," Sakura says as she and the rest of the girls head on over.

Once they have gotten settled, Sakura says, "Now, the reason why I called this meeting is because I got a visit from the Roxy Recording Studio's new doorman, Itsuki Ikari."

Isuzu asks, "What's his reason for dropping by?"

"That's just what I'm about to get to," Sakura says. "He asked me to select a password for the studio after that attempted break-in, and he even offered suggestions."

Taiko asks, "Which one did you choose?"

Sakura says, "I chose my own."

Rizuka asks, "What is it?"

Sakura says, "Swordfish."

Everyone gasps. "SWORDFISH!?" Taiko is especially shocked. "That's completely unoriginal! Most people I know in both fiction and real life select Swordfish as the password!"

Sakura says, "Well then, I guess they've been watching too many Marx Brothers films. How many movies does Swordfish appear in anyway?"

Isuzu says, "Just one."

Sakura says, "Well then, name it, dammit!"

Isuzu says, "Horsefeathers."

Shugo says, "I remember that scene where the college professor constantly flubs the password until the doorman accidentally lets it slip.

"And then that mute guy shows up. He sticks a sword into a fish and presents it to the doorman, who lets him in. Pretty clever, eh?"

Sakura says, "Don't end your sentences with 'eh'. People will think you're Canadian."

Shugo says, "Actually, I was born in Oxford while my family was on vacation, but my mom, who was widowed before my birth, had me and Natsuru sent back to Isuten to live with my aunt and uncle.

"They told me she had died in childbirth, but I had hopes for her. Hopes that were fulfilled when I was 12, when she came back for me."

"What really happened?" Sakura asks.

Shugo says, "She actually stayed in England awhile, and because she knew I thought she was dead, she decided to make her return a surprise return.

"My aunt and uncle were glad to see her back, and they gladly surrendered me and Natsuru to her as soon as she showed up."

Sakura asks, "Was your childhood hard at all?"

"No, actually," Shugo says. "It was actually pleasant, though my mother is more liberal than my aunt and uncle could ever be. What the hell have you been smoking?"

"Nothing," Sakura says. "I was just concerned."

"Oh."


During the afternoon, the football captain, a Hiromi Tsukishiro, takes a stroll down Mokuten Higashi Avenue. He walks by the Roxy Recording Studio and sees Mr. Ikari standing inside the door.

Just then, the Lovely and Wild Angels show up. Mr. Ikari opens the door and says, "Password, please."

Sakura says, "Swordfish."

Mr. Ikari says, "Come on in."

Hiromi runs toward the studio and is stopped by Mr. Ikari. "Password?"

"Swordfish."

Mr. Ikari says, "Come on in."

Hiromi catches up to the girls. He is shocked. "What the hell kind of drugs have you been taking, to steal our password?!"

Sakura says, "Hey, we're not the ones doing drugs. It's just a coincidence that the football team and the Roxy Recording Studio now share the same password."

Hiromi asks, "Then why would I be coming in here anyway?"

Sakura says, "Chill, dude. We didn't even know that Swordfish was your team's password."

Hiromi is convinced. "Oh. Well, you should be careful these days. Some people have sued just because someone ripped them off even the slightest bit."

Sakura says, "Let me guess. No legal grounds, right?"

Hiromi says, "They were all lucky. I hope you girls aren't ripping anybody off."

Shugo says, "I've always liked Pistols N Flowers, and I see them as an influence. Hopscotch of Love is influenced by an obscure PNF song, and Raw and Wild is influenced by a track on Appetite For Construction."

Hiromi says, "Hey, I like Pistols N Flowers too. Maybe you girls could show me some of your music."

Shugo says, "Sure thing."


Once they're in the recording room, Hiromi asks, "Are you girls ready?"

Shugo says, "When you are."

W. Benny Bara gives the thumbs up just as they start recording a demo for "Raw and Wild". Here are the lyrics:

I'm raw and wild
You're raw and wild
We're raw and wild
And we'll cause some trouble tonight

If you can see some killers
At the Black Maiden Villa
You can see some mothers
That can't kick our butts
My friend's a lean, mean, green
Fighting machine
And I can really make them shake with fear

Well, I've heard from old wives
That a cat has nine lives
So I use all of mine like hell
Those mothers gotta have a hunch
That with one quick punch
I can really make their brains just swell

I'm raw and wild
You're raw and wild
We're raw and wild
And we'll cause some trouble tonight

After that, Shugo plays a mean guitar solo meant to make the song look even more awesome than it already is.

If you beat those guys at length
You can find your inner strength
And become just as tough
As a guy with enough
Packs of cigarettes to smoke
And plenty of coke to snort

I'm raw and wild
You're raw and wild
We're raw and wild
And we'll cause some trouble tonight

Yeah, I'm raw and wild
You're raw and wild
We're raw and wild
And we'll cause some trouble tonight

Hiromi is amazed. "Wow... are those the full lyrics?"

Shugo says, "Actually, I'm planning on making alternate lyrics for this one. Those alternate lyrics will be used as a theme song for a series based on our exploits as a band and as a team if it ever gets made."

Hiromi says, "If it was made into a series, I'd like to see what you girls do day to day."

Sakura says, "That'll be the day. Anyway, it's been nice having you here, uh..."

"Hiromi Tsukishiro."

"Thanks for coming, Hiromi!"

As Hiromi exits the studio, he says, "Dou itashimashite!"

During the iris-out, Sakura holds it open and says, "What a nice guy, but I'll stick with Kato Warando. His band's on the verge of breaking up, and I've gotta be there for him. Sayonara!" Then the iris-out closes.


(ED: "Raw and Wild" by Lovely and Wild Angels)


(Next episode preview)
BACKSLASH: Benny, I want to stick to the blues. That's exactly what made us famous!
BARA: Well, I want to expand!
BACKSLASH: And sell out? I'm not going to be a part of this new experiment!
BARA: What, you don't like industrial music?
BACKSLASH: You're right about that, Benny. I quit.
SAKURA: My God, Rock Temple Pirates isn't the only band that's on the verge of falling apart. Mr. Bara, do something! Next episode: "Goodbye, Mr. Rivers"! We're coming live and loaded!

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