CONTENT WARNING: BRIEF STRONG LANGUAGE
(Against a scrolling red background with the Ugly NI, '70s style JuGo, and NHK logo, Takashi Edwards says "This is Public TV For Isuten, on viewer-supported JOTO-TV and JOIT-TV." PUBLIC TV FOR ISUTEN flips in, written in Kanji, along with the Ugly NI and '70s style JuGo.)
As the 1994 Honda Integra pulls up in front of Isuten Junior High, Sakura Cobain, our cherry-headed heroine, steps out. The car then drives off.
As Sakura enters, we hear a voiceover say, "Isuten Junior High... a peaceful setting in the A.M., the most technologically advanced utopia in all of Isuten. I've been going there for about two weeks now, and it's quite clear I enjoy it here."
As Sakura approaches room 3D, she hears a very loud "FUCK!" Sakura recognizes it. "It's Taiko. She usually never swears... what went wrong?"
So Sakura decides to investigate. Judging the source to come from the outside, she runs down the hallways... and right into Kato Warando, who asks, "What the fuck are you running for?"
Sakura shouts, "You're one to talk with that sailor mouth, Kato! I'm in a hurry here! You see, Taiko Sorano has just now said her first swear word since I came here. That's gotta count for something."
Kato is puzzled. "Taiko? You mean that usually calm girl who plays the drums as a hobby?"
"And now plays the drums for my band? Yep!" Sakura then dashes away.
When Sakura shows up, she sees Taiko on her knees, with Rizuka, Shugo, and Isuzu standing around her. Sakura asks, "What the hell happened here?"
Taiko, all teary eyed and scared, stammers, "Vandalism... on Isuten Junior High!"
(OP: "Hopscotch of Love" by Lovely and Wild Angels)
Today's episode "A View to a Vandalism"
Taiko was quite tense when she spoke. "Isuten Junior High has been vandalized."
Shugo is shocked. "Are you fricking kidding me? There hasn't been a single incident of vandalism this wide."
"I'll show you!" With that, Taiko walked around the school, with the other four girls following close behind.
On one wall was a chad. Sakura and Taiko had seen one painted onto the wall of the Roxy Recording Studio the day before, but this time it was more elaborate.
Sakura looked long and hard at the graffiti. Colored red and positioned above the chad was this:
CLAP MY HANDS AND JUMP FOR JOY I WAS HERE BEFORE KILROY
Colored blue and positioned below the chad (which was also blue) was this:
SORRY TO SPOIL YOUR LITTLE JOKE I WAS HERE, BUT MY PENCIL BROKE --KILROY
Sakura then notices some graffiti that shocked her. Shugo says, "My mother doesn't mind such language, but my brother sometimes gets creeped out." Sakura then asks, "Does the alleged vandal ever kiss his mom with that mouth?"
"I don't know," Shugo says, and then green slime falls on her. "Hey you up there operating the slime machine! Yeah, you! This is the wrong show!"
Sakura asks, "Who was that?" Shugo says, "Ever seen You Can't Do That On Television? You get slimed every time you say 'I don't know'..." Cue the green slime falling on Shugo again.
"...and you get wet every time you say 'Water'." Cue a splash that takes the slime off of Shugo. "Now that's what I call a good washdown."
Sakura looks up and sees a crew member with a complicated machine that had apparently dropped the slime and water on Shugo. "Oh. That guy."
Rizuka laughs and says, "You sure are funny!"
Shugo says, "Well, I should expect total demolition of the fourth wall by the time this is all over, judging by what has just now happened."
Isuzu says as she walks across the slippery slime, "Good thing Candle Jack isn't here to s... WHOA!"
Isuzu had slipped. "Oh, dammit! Now my leather jacket's all ruined!"
"Not quite," Shugo says. "Hey, mister! Care to bring the water machine out?"
Shugo gets splashed instantly. Knowing what to do immediately, Isuzu steps out of the slime, turns her back toward the machine, and says, "Water." At this, the water fell, cleaning her leather jacket of all slime.
"Let's go," Taiko says, and the girls follow her.
They reach another side, where blue spray paint showing pro-Mizu Junior High and anti-Isuten Junior High slogans are spray-painted all over the place such as "GO MIZU JUNIOR HIGH", "ISUTEN JUNIOR HIGH SMOKES ROX", and "ISUTEN JUNIOR HIGH SUX" among others.
Shugo says, "I'm pretty damn sure a radical Mizu Junior High football fan is behind this crap."
Isuzu says, "No kidding. Only someone from Mizu Junior High would dare trash Isuten Junior High."
Then they reach the side with the football field. There they see obscene symbols and more profane remarks that I will not care to divulge.
Shugo says, "Yep. Definitely a pattern. Mizu Junior High's color is blue, and ours is maroon... wait a second, was that the bird?"
The girls stop and take one long, shocked look at an image of what is known in Rome as "digitus impudicus". I'd tell you about the rest of the obscene images and profanity spray-painted onto the school walls, but I'm trying to make sure nothing too far out is described.
Shugo fumes, "If I get word of who is responsible for this crap, there will be blood, mark my words!"
"Easy, Shugo!" Sakura exclaims. "No need for violence. It's not good publicity for a Cure."
Taiko spots some bleach out in the football field. The girls run to it.
Sakura asks, "Was that an accident?" "Look closer," Rizuka says. "Another image of the bird, more phallic images (which I won't show you because there may be kids watching), and even red, green, and white spots strategically placed to form the face of... the Joker!"
"In other words," Shugo says, "this was no accident, and whoever poured bleach and red and green paint all over the football field knew what they were doing."
Sakura asks, "So what are you going to do to the vandals if you know who they are?"
Shugo says, "Mansonian or no Mansonian, those fudgers are going down!"
Sakura says, "Mansonians I don't mind taking on, but if the vandals aren't from Mansonia, that would be putting yourself on the level of a vigilante."
Shugo says, "In any case, probably the worst thing that could happen is if the same lugnuts who spray-painted the school's walls and poured bleach on the football field drove a car through the memorial garden."
Taiko drags Shugo to the memorial garden, and the other three girls follow.
They reach the memorial garden. Upon seeing this mess that was once a place to pay tribute to Isuten Junior High's deceased, Shugo says, "You know, I really need to learn to keep my frigging mouth shut."
Just then, Rocky comes bounding forward to the girls. "I knew something was wrong," he says, "so I decided to check it out. I see you girls are doing detective work. Good for you."
Sakura says, "I believe an Akumana did all this."
Rocky says, "I have reason to believe that too."
Isuzu says, "For crying out loud, people! we don't know for sure who did this and why, so stop guessing and start investigating!"
At this, the girls scatter, looking for clues. Sakura shouts at Isuzu, "I still think Mansonia is responsible!"
Shugo walks about a few miles before stopping where the tire tracks stopped. Right before her eyes was a 1995 Isuzu Wizard. She says, "I'd better get to class."
Shugo starts running and barely makes it back to school.
She finally reaches her class and sees several students looking like they had gone through a lot of clues. Even her teacher was all scruffy-looking from searching so hard.
The teacher says, "Shugo Kino, have you found any clues?"
Shugo says, "A white 1995 Isuzu Wizard. I tracked its tires all the way to the forest connecting Oriyama and Isuten."
The teacher says, "Thank you, Ms. Kino. You may be seated."
Shugo takes her seat.
In the dean's office, we see a Mr. Hideki Miyagi watch as a security guard shows up with important evidence.
"Here," the security guard says, "is a receipt from the local Marton showing the signatures of a Koji Mihara of Mizu Junior High, a Yoshi Ueda of Mizu Junior High, and a Kei Matsuoka of Mizu Junior High."
Mr. Miyagi says, "I knew those punks at Mizu Junior High were up to something."
The security guard says, "Mr. Matsuoka is only a second-year, so to protect his privacy, his identity is to be kept secret. Also, Mr. Ueda plays for the Mizu Junior High football team."
Mr. Miyagi is shocked. "How could some idiot from the football team pull such a stunt as this?"
(Eyecatch 1: Rizuka and Shugo are jamming when Sakura runs past them and grabs the microphone. The PCHM logo appears in the bottom-left corner.)
(Eyecatch 2: The camera goes between Isuzu on her bass and Taiko in her drum kit and stops when Sakura with the microphone is in view. The PCHM logo appears in the bottom-left corner.)
Sakura's math class was going like clockwork. Her teacher kept going on with problems worthy of being taught at a junior high like this one.
The boy sitting next to her said, "Girl, you sure need to have a lot of gall to do detective work around Isuten Junior High."
Sakura had had enough of the kid's rubbing in her search for clues as to the recent vandalism: "Shoo fly, don't bother me."
"All I gotta say is," the boy continued, "you've gotta stop worrying half the school."
"Half the school," Sakura retorted, "was either still searching for clues or exhausted from this detective work, so shut your trap, you great big taffeta punk!"
That was the last straw. The boy got up and punched her. He punched her so hard she actually fell forward, sending her desk crashing down with her.
"That's enough, Mr. Ichijo!" the math teacher shouted. "Trying to clobber a girl as if you had nothing better to do! Detention!"
"Are you accusing me of being a Godforsaken misogynist!?"
The teacher had had it with the Ichijo kid's arrogance and dragged him out of the classroom by the arm as the rest of the class watched.
Sakura had only this to say: "Good riddance, mother--"
"ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS AND TEACHERS!"
Sakura didn't have time to finish that word before the announcement blared from the intercom. It was no mistaking that that was Mr. Miyagi's voice.
"I HAVE SOME SHOCKING NEWS. TODAY'S VANDALISM WAS COMMITTED BY THREE MIZU JUNIOR HIGH STUDENTS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO. TWO OF THEM WERE THIRD-YEARS, ONE WAS A SECOND-YEAR, AND ONE PLAYS FOOTBALL FOR MIZU JUNIOR HIGH.
"GIVEN THE PROJECTED BACKLASH FROM OTHER MIZU STUDENTS IF ISUTEN STUDENTS RETALIATE, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT ANY ATTEMPT AT RETALIATION WILL BE QUASHED AND THE PERPETRATORS DEALT WITH, BE IT EVER SO SEVERELY.
"TODAY, I WILL MEET WITH THE DEAN OF MIZU JUNIOR HIGH TO DISCUSS THIS SCANDAL CONCERNING SCHOOL SPIRIT GONE TOO FAR. AGAIN, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM AVENGING THIS ATROCITY."
Sakura was fuming at lunch. "I can't believe it," she snarled. "I cannot believe it! All this time it was mere humans who committed that crime, and yet Rocky and I thought Mansonia was responsible! Jiminy H. Christmas!"
Taiko said, "Well, at least now we know who was responsible for my first cuss word in a while."
Sakura says, "Well, because you almost never cuss, when you do cuss you scare the living bejesus out of me."
Shugo says, "I have a great name for this incident: Vandalgate."
"Don't you mean Watergate?" Isuzu asks.
Shugo says, "Ever since the Watergate scandal of '74, scandals have been named by taking a word related to the scandal and adding a gate at the end as a suffix."
As she finishes saying that, Mitsuuru shows up. He says, "Shugo, are you certain that this so-called Vandalgate won't affect the upcoming game?"
Shugo says, "Since a football player from Mizu was involved, I'm guessing Mizu will be forced to forfeit."
Mitsuuru says, "I'm not one to take sides, but if I did, I'd agree with you."
Shugo says, "In any case, an Isuzu Wizard did it. No offense, Isuzu."
Isuzu says, "None taken. I have no relation to the car company."
Sakura, exiting the school at the end of the day, stopped by the memorial garden, which now had yellow police tape around it. She says, "They sure ain't kidding when they say Do Not Cross. I mean, look at what has happened here!"
She took a look at the markers and saw that the vandals had left them untouched. "I guess you guys must be pissed that scum from the rival school ran right through the place where people are supposed to show some respect for the dead."
Then, she walked away.
At a slow speed she trudged along Mokuten Higashi Avenue, stopping at the Roxy Recording Studio. Rocky and Poppy were waiting for her. Sakura just sighed and said, "We were wrong."
Rocky asked, "Why?"
Sakura said, "This vandalism incident was caused by our rivals at Mizu Junior High."
Poppy is shocked. "Really? I thought they'd never go that far."
Sakura says, "Well, apparently, Isuten Junior High has a rivalry with Mizu Junior High. Shugo told me all about it.
"After the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, General Douglas MacArthur laid out his plans for a third city to complement the already existing Oriyama and Tsukimiya, both of which survived repeated bombings.
"The first schools built included MacArthur Grade School, Nishi Grade School, Isuten Grade School, Satomi Grade School, Nishi Junior High, Isuten Junior High, Mizu Junior High, Catholic High School, Isuten High School, and Nishi High School.
"This first city to rise out of the ashes of World War II was designated as one of the Tri-Cities and named Isuten in honor of the location of the atomic bomb research facility which has since been demolished.
"From the beginning, Isuten Junior High and Mizu Junior High have been involved in an intense rivalry spanning nearly 55 years and counting.
"Isuten students have vandalized Mizu Junior High in the past, but I seriously doubt the payback is gonna be worth it for the Mizu students that got caught up in it."
Rocky asks, "Why?"
Sakura says, "The damage was widespread. Not much is known about how much it'll cost to repair it, but chances are it's going to be extremely high."
"And what's this I hear about a vandalism?"
Sakura looks behind her and sees someone she doesn't recognize. "Who are you?" she asked.
"Toby's the name," the man says. "Saul Toby. Rhythm guitarist for Pistols N Flowers."
"Funny," Sakura says. "Last time I checked you weren't on any of their albums. I can tell, because I have all of them on vinyl, cassette, and/or CD."
Saul says, "That's because I just recently joined the band."
Saul steps out and asks, "So what's the problem?"
Sakura says, "Mizu Junior High school spirit went way too far, as three students, including a football player, vandalized Isuten Junior High with light color paint, bleach, and a 1995 Isuzu Wizard."
Saul is stunned. "Really? When Isuten Junior High students vandalized Mizu earlier, they didn't go that far."
Sakura says, "I guess the bastard son of hate must've grown much faster than anyone expected."
"Yeah, that's right."
When Sakura finally returns home, she goes directly to her room without even saying "Hi" to her father, who knew something was troubling her.
Just then the news comes on over the radio that the students involved in the vandalism had been arrested.
At that moment, Tamaki Cobain comes to the realization that Sakura's school had been defaced.
Sakura enters her room to see Taiko sitting on her bed. "Taiko? I don't remember inviting you here."
"Yeah, well, I figured that since you're going through some trying times, I should be there as a friend."
Sakura says, "Well, you're quite welcome."
Taiko says, "Hey, tomorrow's the big game. Friday Night Lights are gonna come on if the weather's nice enough."
Sakura says, "No need to tempt fate."
Sakura then puts a DVD of Isuten Junior High's performance of Gunslinger Girl into the XBox.
Taiko says, "I remember going to that play. Mitsuuru Takahashi was Henrietta, and Shugo was Giuseppe."
Sakura and Taiko put on their 3-D glasses just before an attempted iris out goes haywire.
Sakura takes a black spray can out of Hammerspace and says, "I hope you don't mind, since we're not in school."
Taiko says, "Go ahead." Sakura then sprays black paint over the iris out that had been left unfinished.
(ED: "Raw and Wild" by Lovely and Wild Angels)
(Next episode preview)
MITSUURU: Hey Shugo!
MITSUURU: Bad news. The game's been rained out.
SHUGO: When will we get to avenge this atrocity properly?
MITSUURU: Tomorrow, I guess.
SAKURA: Well then, we'll be wearing normal clothes for this game! Next episode: "The Longest Yard"! We're coming live and loaded!