CONTENT WARNING: COMIC VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE, INNUENDO AND A WHOLE LOT OF BLEEPS. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
"We're entering the baseball tournament!"
It happened one day in June, two weeks after Haruhi, Kyon, and Mikuru endured a living nightmare together that they almost didn't escape alive.
Kyon is confused at the announcement Haruhi has just made. Mikuru can't manage to say anything in response.
The timid redhead is wearing a light pink nurse dress and white tights, an outfit assigned to her by the SOS Brigade leader.
Haruhi, on the other hand, is wearing the official SOS Brigade T-shirt in lieu of the standard-issue sailor blouse. She's still wearing her bike shorts under her school uniform's skirt.
In fact, everyone's wearing the SOS Brigade T-shirt, even Mikuru (who has to wear it over the nurse dress). The T-shirt bears a primitive-looking prototype of a logo, simply reading "SOS" in a black serif font over a white backdrop.
Kyon asks, "What are we entering?"
Haruhi says, "The Nishinomiya Amateur Baseball Tournament, that's what!"
Haruhi then gives Kyon a flyer detailing the tournament, which is apparently sponsored by the city and has a long history.
(OP: "Bouken Deshou Deshou? (cover version)" by Emma Watson)
Today's episode: "Baseball Tango! It Takes Way More Than Two"
Kyon asks, "So who's entering?"
Haruhi says, "We are, obviously! Including you, and Yuki, and Mikuru, and Koizumi! And, of course, four more people who I can't think of right now."
"Do you even know the rules?"
"Put simply, you throw, hit, run, slide, tackle, and all that shit. I should know more than just these laconics, because I had been in the baseball club for about… an hour, and that was it. It was just that boring!"
"So why do we have to participate in a tournament for something that's just that boring?"
"So we can make ourselves known across the land, Kyon. If we win, it could spark a chain of events that ends with the SOS Brigade name standing on its own! A golden opportunity!"
Itsuki says, "Oh. I see."
"Right? Isn't this a nice idea, Mikuru? What is it?"
Haruhi starts going all capoeira on Mikuru, continuing, "Listen up, Mikuru: in this brigade, the leader's orders are ABSOLUTE! Insubordination is a SEVERE OFFENSE! If you have ANYTHING to say… feel free to speak up during the meeting.
"So you're OK with baseball, right? Top wo narae, if you will. Meaning, I WON'T ACCEPT A SINGLE LOSS, BECAUSE I REALLY HATE TO LOSE!
"Any questions?"
Itsuki simply says, "Sure, why not?"
Haruhi says, "In that case, I'll go procure some equipment from the baseball squad."
With these words, Haruhi dashes off. Itsuki says, "Aren't you relieved we aren't capturing aliens or camping for cryptids? If we're playing baseball, we shouldn't have to worry about the supernatural."
"I guess."
Haruhi later returns with a cardboard box containing nine gloves, a single bat, and a few dirty hardballs.
Kyon picks up one ball and examines it. Looking at the flyer again, he asks, "Isn't this tournament going to use softballs?"
Haruhi asks, "What about it?"
"Why did you bring hardballs?"
"A ball is a ball, right? They're all the same--hit it with a bat, and it'll fly, guaranteed."
"Last time I played baseball was in grade school, but I still know the difference between softballs and hardballs. Hardballs hurt more if you get hit."
"So don't get hit, then. Simple as that. Especially don't get hit in the balls."
Silence. Kyon's expression doesn't change one bit. Haruhi asks, "What?"
Kyon says, "I've been waiting for you to throw in some cheesy innuendo."
"Pervert."
"So when's the game?"
"Sunday."
"The day after tomorrow!? That's way too soon!"
"Too late now, I've already signed us up. Don't worry, I put SOS BRIGADE as the team name, no mistakes there."
"Where do you intend to find the other four?"
"Anything that moves, joins the team."
"All right. Just sit tight, I'll find some. But first… what about that idiot Taniguchi and Kunikida?"
"That dickhead? Ah, well. Better than nothing, I suppose."
Mikuru raises her hand and says, "If you'll excuse me… I was just about to suggest my friend…"
"Good. That makes eight."
Mikuru turns to Kyon and says, "Everything's all right, since I just met her while watching Miss Suzumiya about a year ago."
Itsuki says, "May I join one of my friends in, too? I can think of an acquaintance who has expressed interest in our--"
Kyon says, "Shut up before any more weirdos get involved."
"That can be arranged."
"Well, if she's willing to take anything that moves, I think I have a better idea."
Haruhi says, "Right, then. Let's start training!"
"Now? Where?"
"The school field, of course!"
"ONE THOUSAND HITS! GO!"
Haruhi starts pitching the balls like you wouldn't believe. Every single ball violates all speed limits, and several come close to beaning Mikuru.
One comes so close to beaning her that only Kyon putting his glove in front of her face so suddenly prevents her from suffering a major concussion.
As Itsuki navigates his way through the minefield of flying hardballs, he remarks, "Indeed, it's been a long time. Brings back memories of my Little League days."
Kyon turns his attention to Yuki, who is just standing there like a stone wall despite the balls flying at her at such speeds a normal human would be rendered Swiss cheese after being hit by as many balls as Yuki gets hit by.
In fact, she loses an ear to one ball. Shrugging it off, she mutters a spell while covering the hole in her head, and the ear vanishes from the grass, having reattached itself as if it had never been lopped off.
Haruhi is quickly distracted by the sight, because when Kyon returns his attention to Mikuru, she's on the ground holding her knee and sobbing.
"WAH! IT HURTS!"
Kyon says, "Take care of the rest, you two."
He then picks Mikuru up and heads toward the white line. Once he crosses it…
"Where do you think you're going?"
Upon hearing Haruhi's voice, Kyon says, "I'm not risking her getting injured worse! She's retiring for the day!"
Once Kyon and Mikuru are out of Haruhi's earshot, Mikuru finally recognizes who's carrying her to the nurse's office.
"EEK! Kyon, you're being too nice for your own good…"
Kyon says, "Asahina, you can go home now. I'll report to Haruhi that you've been knocked out of action for the next two days by her fastball."
"But--"
"Don't worry. Haruhi has nobody to blame but herself."
"Thank you."
Kyon returns to the field, greeted by the presence of the baseball squad as well as Yuki and Itsuki. Itsuki says, "Why, hello there. Welcome back."
Kyon asks, "What's she doing?"
"Exactly what you'd think."
Lo and behold, Haruhi's hitting hardballs like crazy. After a while, she stops. Itsuki says, "Well, what do you know? Exactly 1000 hits."
"Well, what do you know? You counted to 1000. Oh, Nagato… could you make a big rainstorm on the day of the game?"
Yuki says, "It is possible, but not recommended due to risk of aftereffects to this planet's ecosystem."
"How long before they make themselves known?"
"Between a few centuries and ten millennia."
"Then I guess it's too much of a risk."
"HEY BATTER BATTER! COME ON!"
Upon hearing Haruhi's voice, Kyon steps up to the plate.
The setting: the city sports grounds.
The time: 8AM.
The date: Sunday, June 8, 2003.
The scene: The SOS Brigade wearing gym tracksuits.
Four others are present: Taniguchi, Kunikida, Haruka Tsuruya, and Akari Tanigawa.
Tsuruya walks up to Kyon and says, "So you're Kyon, eh? I've heard a hell of a lot about yous from Mikuru. By the way, the name's Haruka Tsuruya. How do ya do?"
Suddenly, Haruhi walks up to Akari and notices her small size compared to the rest of the 9-person team.
"KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
Upon hearing Haruhi's loud yell, Kyon scurries over to where she's standing. "What the hell were you thinking, bringing a half-pint to a serious hardball game?"
Kyon says, "You are talking about my sister!"
"Really? She introduced herself as a 10-year-old fifth grader; she's such a sweet little girl that I'd be hard-pressed to believe she'd have such an ignoramus prick as you for an older brother.
"In any case, she'd be a fine shoo-in for the Little Leagues, but this is a tournament for the general public, dammit! Why would you let her join a team playing some serious hardball?
"Ah, what the hell, it'll be too easy even for me without a handicap like her playing for some serious ballplayers like us."
"By the way, we haven't decided on a batting order or positions yet. What are you going to do about that?"
"Oh, I already got that taken care of."
With these words, Haruhi pulls out some folded-out slips of paper as Kyon asks, "Do you really have any problems with decision-making methods like this?"
Each paper contains a prime example of ladder lottery. According to the lottery, Haruhi would pitch.
Haruhi asks, "What the hell are you talking about? It's obviously a lottery. One for batting order and one for field. I'll be the pitcher and the leadoff."
"So that's it? You just drew some lines and they decided for you?"
"What the hell is up with that look on your face? Got a problem, shithead? It's popular sovereignty, dammit!"
Just then, the opponents show up. They're the real deal, muscled as hell and so hardcore it isn't the least damn bit funny.
The Kamigahara Pirates.
With the SOS Brigade team in a line, Haruhi explains the strategy to her teammates.
"All right, now listen up! First of all, do whatever the **** it takes to get the **** on base. Once you're on, ****ing steal your way to third ****ing base. Hit the ****ing strikes and ignore the ****ing balls. ****ing simple, right?"
"SIGNORINA, SI, SIGNORINA!"
"If all goes ****ing well--and I mean no ****ups like with Merkle's ****ing Boner or the ****ing Tar Bat Incident--we can ****ing score at least three ****ing runs an inning. CAPISCE!?"
"SIGNORINA, SI, SIGNORINA!"
"Good! Into the ****ing dugout! Right ****ing now! Move along, move along!"
As the SOS Brigade files into the dugout, Kyon asks, "Who the hell does she think she is, R. Lee Ermey?"
"PLAY BALL!"
The Pirates pitcher begins his windup. With Haruhi at the plate, metal bat in hand, the first pitch is thrown.
Haruhi hits it over to center field and hurries over to second base by the time the ball reaches the field. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where did the pitcher learn to play baseball? Pittsburgh?
"All right, bitches, follow my lead!"
The pitcher says, "Damn! Beaten by a girl! Wait a second… did that girl call her teammates bitches? Well, maybe the rest of the team is composed of sailor mouths! And only tough bitches are sailor mouths! No reason to hold back then, bitches!"
The rest of the Pirates yell "SIR, YES SIR!"
Haruhi mutters, "****ing assholes don't know Italian."
Before she knows it, Mikuru is at the plate, wearing a helmet too big for her small head. "P-Please go easy on me--EEK!"
A fastball barely misses Mikuru. Kyon says, "If those bastards bean Mikuru, they're not going to leave this game without more than just a good talking-to."
Meanwhile, Haruhi starts yelling at Mikuru: "DAMMIT YOU BITCH! WHY THE **** AREN'T YOU ****ING SWINGING!?"
Mikuru has just been struck out looking. She's almost relieved to hear the cry of "OUT!", so much she doesn't even hear Haruhi's profanity-laced tirade.
Yuki is also struck out looking. Haruhi continues swearing and yelling as Yuki makes way for Kyon.
"FOR ****'S SAKE! KYON, YOU'D DAMN WELL BETTER GET IN A ****ING HIT! THE INNING ****ING HINGES ON YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE ****ING WELL BATTING CLEANUP!"
Kyon says, "Don't expect much from me, Donna Swearsalot. I'm only batting cleanup because of the damn lottery."
"WHAT THE **** DID YOU SAY!? GET YOUR ASS OVER TO THE ****ING PLATE RIGHT THIS ****ING MINUTE!"
Kyon gets caught looking on the first pitch. The second, a swing and a miss. The third would've been a ball if Kyon didn't have the balls to swing at the worst possible moment.
"ASSHOLE!"
Haruhi's swearing doesn't let up even after everyone loads up the dugouts.
Dead even in the 1st.
The SOS Brigade's defense is much worse than its offense, committing boners at the drop of a hat.
Mikuru and Akari wind up committing the brunt of the team's boners due to Mikuru's "duck-and-cover" mentality showing itself whenever the ball came within so much as a meter of her and Akari's excessively playful nature.
Even Yuki commits boners by OCDing on range and being as slow as flowing honey. Haruhi is herself overconfident ("LET'S SHUT THEM THE **** OUT! YEAH!") considering how much fate seemed to be tempted up to that point.
She manages to strike the first two batters out swinging but winds up giving up a single home run on the part of the third batter.
After that she gives up a double on cleanup and a single on the fifth batter, the latter because of a boner committed by Kunikida. A Texas leaguer from the sixth batter brings the count to 2-0 Pirates.
Tsuruya finally manages to end the madness by throwing the batter out with a laser from her own hands which she had scooped up along the third base line.
As the Pirates laugh all the way to the dugout, Kunikida says, "Laugh at my boner, will they?"
- EYECATCHES*
At the top of the 2nd, the Kamigahara Pirates lead by 2.
Three up and three down.
Akari, Itsuki, and Kunikida strike out in succession.
2-0 Pirates.
2-0 in the 2nd.
The Pirates must've figured out that the SOS outfield commits more boners than does its infield, because every single attempt at a hit is an attempt at a fly ball.
Kyon and Taniguchi try nabbing the ball each time, succeeding 10% of the time. And all to protect Mikuru from the onslaught of fly balls.
7-0 Pirates.
A blowout in the 3rd!
Tsuruya keeps hitting fouls until the catcher catches a pop straight up--no problem.
Haruhi, though, does have a problem ("WHAT THE **** WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!?"), seeing that she's in it to win it.
Tsuruya says, "Now that was a toughie--all I could manage to hit that ****er."
"YOU WATCH YOUR ****ING LANGUAGE IF YOU LIKE PLAYING THIS GAME! Well, it's about ****ing time we caught a ****ing break anyway…
"TIME OUT!"
Haruhi grabs Mikuru by the shirtfront and drags her into the dugout locker with a pair of sports bags.
"W-Wait! Suzumiya! Stop!"
"Come on, Mikuru! We're getting changed!"
When it's all over, Mikuru is wearing a sleeveless top and pleated miniskirt, both colored white with blue trim, and holding a pair of yellow pompoms. Kunikida says, "Looking real good there."
Tsuruya whips out her digital camera and asks, "Can I take a snapshot?" She then starts taking pictures like crazy before a figure wearing the same ensemble over a familiar pair of dark blue bike shorts drops down from the top of the dugout.
None other than Haruhi Suzumiya.
Haruhi runs up to Mikuru and gathers her hair up, saying, "I'd like to see you wear a ****ing ponytail, y'know?"
Minutes later, Haruhi forcing Mikuru into a cheerleading routine ("Come on, is that the best you can ****ing do? Show me what the **** else you got! You can do it by yourself! Come on!") isn't enough to put Taniguchi on a base.
Returning to the dugout, he says, "No way in hell I can hit that."
Haruhi says, "Asshole. All right, time for me to hit one over the ****ing park!"
The pitcher is distracted by her costume and gives up a double. She proceeds to steal third when the third baseman becomes just as distracted.
Mikuru manages to commit two boners at the plate in succession. Haruhi stars signaling and shouting, "BUNT, DAMN YOU, BUNT!"
Itsuki says, "Appears as though Miss Suzumiya wants Asahina to bunt."
Kyon asks, "Were any signals agreed upon?"
"No, but we should be able to figure out what Haruhi would do if the count was 0-2 because of a couple of boners. Maybe she's signaling for a squeeze."
"With two outs? Even to a tenured manager, that's suicide!"
"Presuming that Asahina has no chance of hitting the ball, a surprise squeeze play should be enough to elicit a boner from the infield. That, or she truly believes Asahina can hit it."
"But did Haruhi have to cause a scene and expose her gambit in the process?"
The infielders are ready for the next ball to show up. Mikuru manages to bunt, but she's quickly thrown out.
Haruhi runs over to Mikuru and yells, "MIKURU ASAHINA! YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME, YOU CLINT!"
Haruhi proceeds to pinch the poor girl's cheeks. "Take your punishment, you little biscuit, and let everyone see your funny face!"
Kyon takes the megaphone and puts it over Haruhi's head. "YOU FLICKING IDIOT!"
"What the fudge was that about?"
"You committed a boner, Haruhi! You were so busy trying to force the Kamigahara Pirates into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!
"Why don't you just steal home instead of making use of half-assed signals, stupid?"
"WELL, DUH! I DIDN'T EVEN FLICKING THINK ABOUT IT, YOU DORKWAD!"
Almost as if on cue, Itsuki's phone rings. Kyon says, "Haruhi's using euphemisms now… something must not be right."
Itsuki says, "Things have taken a bad turn."
"Go ahead and state the obvious. When Haruhi stops swearing abruptly in the middle of an R. Lee Ermey impersonation, you know some serious shit's about to go down."
"New Closed Space has appeared and is expanding at an alarming rate. Much worse than the one you and Asahina and Miss Suzumiya wound up in a couple of weeks ago.
"Allow me to elaborate: Closed Space is a sublime way for Suzumiya to relieve stress. And Suzumiya is more stressed out than usual. Hence, the new Closed Space.
"So long as Suzumiya's high stress increases, the Closed Space will continue to expand and the Shinjin will continue to rampage."
"So let me get this straight: Haruhi's about to hit the ceiling over a baseball game? And it's so bad that Closed Space decided to show up at a time like this?"
"So it seems."
"Who does she think she is!?"
"You still talk like that now? And you sound as though you shouldn't be worried. On the contrary; again, this is your fault."
"What have I got to do with it?"
"A lottery decided the lineup; you became cleanup."
"I can't say I'm happy about that."
"It doesn't matter; the point is, you were chosen for cleanup."
"Italiano, per favore."
"È semplice: tu sei il quarto battitore perche Suzumiya si vuole. Non è una coincidenza. Suzumiya volle che tu salveresti il giuoco, e tu hai deluduto la."
"Yeah, well, sorry to hear that."
"Yes, I too am troubled by the current situation. At this rate, Suzumiya will only continue to let high stress get the better of her, and Closed Space will continue to expand."
"So what do I do?"
"Hit the ball. A long hit if at all possible. Especially aim for a homer, maybe even the scoreboard."
"Don't be ridiculous. I only ever hit a home run when playing Triple Play 2002, and I have a worse chance of even hitting a curve ball."
"Believe me, we all wish you can do something about this ordeal."
"You think I'm some kind of genie, or a monkey's paw?"
"In any case, we should do all within our power to keep the game going beyond this inning. Should the Pirates score 10 above us, it'll be all over."
7-0 Pirates.
A blowout in the 3rd.
The first batter hits a line drive that winds up being caught by Yuki before it hits the ground.
Then she commits her usual boner of not paying attention to the fly ball landing between left and center, which leads to a triple.
The Pirates scored two more times, owing to a pair of hits and a boner called "fielder's choice" (courtesy of Kunikida).
Haruhi watches the boner and the subsequent scoreboard change. "Bah! Confound that useless fielder. It is well that I am ready to trick the Pirates into their boner! Then the tables will be turned! Kyon! Pay attention to the next cajon the Pirates might hit!"
Indeed, the next Pirate strikes the ball and sends it to right field. Kyon starts running like hell.
"Come on, you stupid cajon! Land in my glove! The fate of the world depends on it! Here's my glove! Just get your spherical ass onto it! Right! Now!"
Then, much to everyone's surprise… it happens.
The ball lands in Kyon's glove. He throws it to Taniguchi, who catches it.
"OUT!"
Haruhi observes the unexpected double play from the mound and says, "Nice going for a moron!"
Gazing at the scoreboard, she says, "Still… we seriously need a comeback from that flipping gap… I'm going to have to present a new strategy at the top of the 4th."
Itsuki says, "Picking up where we left off, there is indeed a way to remedy the current situation. When you and Suzumiya and Asahina were in that other world earlier, how did you make it back? Because if we do it again, the current crisis just might abate."
Kyon says, "I'm sorry, but I think I'll take my chances."
Itsuki chuckles and says, "I figured you'd say that. So if you're willing to take your chances, make it so we win. Oh, that reminds me--why don't we bring Nagato into the equation? After all, her interests coincide with ours, so it should go well."
Suddenly, the familiar insectoid metal menace shows up. Haruhi yells, "HIT THE DECK!"
Haruhi really sounds serious. "KYON! YUKI! MIKURU! KOIZUMI! INTO THE DUGUOT! NOW!"
The five actual SOS Brigade members retreat into the interior of the dugout. Taniguchi asks, "What's with her?"
Kunikida says, "Maybe she finally got tired of us."
Tsuruya cackles and says, "What, Harls walking out on such a big game as this? In your dreams, boys! Maybe she's trying to figure out how to beat that monstrosity!"
Akari says, "I'll go follow them!"
She then walks into the dugout, only to be met by a blinding light. She runs out and says, "It's too bright!"
Taniguchi asks, "What are they doing?"
Akari says, "I don't know, I can't see through that light!"
Tsuruya says, "She'd better not be dressing the entire club up in crazy costumes and pretending that they're magical warriors or anything!"
Almost as if on cue, Cures Dio, Chiave, Extraterrestre, Tempo, and Psichico land on the ground in front of the dugout after jumping off the roof.
"The God Cure is the protector of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Dio!"
"The Key Cure is the password of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Chiave!"
"The Alien Cure is the newcomer of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Extraterrestre!"
"The Time Cure is the ticktockwoman of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Tempo!"
"The Psychic Cure is the medium of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Psichico!"
Cure Dio performs a backflip and lands on her feet, and Cure Tempo walks gracefully a few steps.
As Dio displays the metal horns, Cure Chiave outstretches his open palm, and Cure Psichico strikes a Super Sentai-esque pose, the five proclaim, "SOS! Pretty Cure!"
Tsuruya cackles and says, "I knew you'd pull such a crazy stunt as I'd imagine!"
An umpire storms over to Cure Dio and yells, "All right, what is the meaning of this?"
Cure Dio says, "Just thought I'd boost my team's morale by throwing in elements of a special effects show, nothing major. Although, the whole thing might seem very realistic…"
The umpire says, "Fine, as long as your special effects don't demolish the stadium! We need it for the rest of the tournament!"
Cure Dio says, "Fair enough. Taniguchi! Kunikida! Haruka! Akari! Prepare to be amazed! Time to participate in some true awesome!"
A blowout in the fourth.
Cure Extraterrestre steps up to the plate. She mutters an incantation in a quiet voice. Cure Tempo says, "Nagato's finally… she appears to be reciting an incantation."
Cure Chiave asks, "Incantation?"
"Um… that's classified?"
Extraterrestre swings the bat and hits one out of the park. Tsuruya yells, "Holy shit!" Cure Dio says, "Hey, that's my line!" Akari is less profane, saying, "Amazing!"
Dio runs toward Extraterrestre and taps on her helmet, saying, "That was incredible! Where are you hiding all that strength?"
Dio bends Extraterrestre's arms back and forth. After a few seconds, Extraterrestre walks over to Cure Chiave and gives him the bat.
She says, "This has been modified with a boost in attribute data."
"Whaddaya mean?"
"Homing mode."
Cure Chiave walks to the plate and hits a home run, much to his amazement. Akari, Cure Psichico, Kunikida, Tsuruya, and Taniguchi proceed to hit a home run next.
After circling the diamond, Taniguchi says, "I've decided to join the baseball team. With my sense, the nationals are a no-brainer; after all, it felt like the bat hit the ball by itself."
Kunikida says, "No shit, Sherlock."
Cure Dio says, "Stealing my phrase again, Kunikida?"
She then walks up to the plate and yells, "COME TO MAMA, BUCCANEER MACDADDY!"
The bat strikes the ball hard, and Cure Dio fires a laser in the same direction before circling the diamond.
Cures Tempo, Extraterrestre, and Chiave hit home runs next. Cure Extraterrestre says, "That will do."
She then undoes the action she did to the bat earlier. Akari, Cure Psichico, and Kunikida subsequently strike out.
Cure Psichico said, "Each match has a time limit, so I hear. The organizers apparently wanted to get everything over and done with within the day. If we make it through this one, we win."
Cure Chiave asked, "Is it really OK?"
"We have no other option. I have just received word from my colleagues. They've managed to keep the Closed Space in check, but there's still Shinjin to deal with. I seriously hope no more show up."
"So… what exactly was your strategy, Sherlock?"
11-9 SOS Brigade.
"You'd better shut them the **** out, or it's the death penalty!"
With these words, Cure Dio leaves Cure Chiave on the mound as Cure Extraterrestre, her helmet secured tightly, takes her place behind the plate.
Chiave throws the ball, and it lands square in Extraterrestre's glove without crossing into the strike zone.
"BALL!"
"Take this seriously, damn you!"
Chiave says, "I'm always dead serious, Haruhi."
He sends another pitch to Extraterrestre.
"STRIKE!"
The batter is surprised. Extraterrestre passed the ball back to Chiave, who launches another fastball.
"STRIKE TWO!"
Chiave manages to strike out two straight before getting an 0-2 on the third batter. He manages to throw what would been strike three had Extraterrestre actually managed to catch it.
Sensing the batter's reaction to the wild pitch, Extraterrestre trudges slowly toward the ball despite Chiave's yelling ("What are you doing, Nagato!? Pick up and throw the damn ball!") before she picks it up and throws it to Cure Dio, who loses her hand as he ball goes through her wrist and lands in Cure Psichico's glove. Psichico proceeded to tag the runner.
"Scusa noi for being slightly unreasonable to you tough guys."
Game, set, and match, SOS Brigade.
"I'm really sorry about jilting you all those years ago. Don't think for one second I'm going to warm up to you any time soon, though!"
Cure Dio suddenly feels a hand on her shoulder. "Haruhi… we need to talk. Over there… they've probably undergone intensive training for this day. Their fourth straight championship was on the line, so they were probably under a hell of a lot of pressure. They even have a few benchwarmers who never got the chance to play. Don't you feel bad for them?"
"What's your point?"
Cure Chiave is terse and to the point. "We should forfeit. You've had your fun, right? So have I. To be honest, my arms and legs are completely worn out."
Cure Dio stays silent and sullen until she finally speaks up. "You're OK with that?"
Cure Chiave says, "Yes, and so are Asahina, Koizumi, and even Nagato. My sister's been over there swinging the bat for a while now, but give her some candy and she'll drop what she's doing."
Looking around, Cure Dio finally says, "I guess that's fine, then. All that diamond action's making me hungry anyway. Let's go eat some lunch. Consider it a reward for that excellent comeback we made."
A few days later, it's a typical scene at the Literature Clubroom when Haruhi bursts in. "Sorry I'm late, peeps! Which one do you want us to do next?"
Haruhi gives Kyon two sheets of paper, one advertising a football tournament and the other advertising an American football tournament. "I was actually planning on doing one of these two instead of baseball, but the baseball tournament just happened to be earlier. So, Kyon… which one do you want?"
Kyon promptly starts trying to figure out how many people would form a complete squadron in each sport.
Meanwhile, Fujiwara watched as the metal insectoid returned to him with a few baseball-sized holes in it.
"I see. They play a mean game of baseball, huh? Never underestimate the power of the diamond. I shall make my next move soon…"
(ED: "Hare Hare Yukai (cover version)" by Emma Watson)
Next episode: "Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody! The Tanabata Incident." Watch it.
Voice actors[]
Japanese[]
- Emma Watson as [[Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Tomokazu Sugita as Kiyohiko "Kyon" Tanigawa/Cure Chiave
- Minori Chihara as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Midori Tsukimiya as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- Daisuke Ono as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Shuichi Ikeda as Fujiwara
- Yuki Matsuoka as Haruka Tsuruya
- Minoru Shiraishi as Taniguchi
- Megumi Matsumoto as Kunikida
- Sayaka Aoki as Akari Tanigawa
- Additional voices:
- Daisuke Ishikawa
- Hidehiko Kaneko
- Riichi Nishimoto
- Takamasa Ohashi
- Eiji Yanagisawa
English (Bang Zoom)[]
- Wendee Lee as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Crispin Freeman as Kiyohiko "Kyon" Tanigawa/Cure Chiave
- Michelle Ruff as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Stephanie Sheh as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- Johnny Yong Bosch as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Paul St. Peter as Fujiwara
- Kari Wahlgren as Haruka Tsuruya; Akari Tanigawa
- Sam Riegel as Taniguchi
- Brianne Siddall as Kunikida
- Additional voices
- Steve Kramer
- Michael McConnohie
- Liam O'Brien
English (Texas A)[]
- Maggie Flecknoe as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Leraldo Anzaldua as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Hilary Haag as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre; Akari Tanigawa
- Hannah Alcorn as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- John Swasey as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Mike MacRae as Fujiwara
- Jessica Boone as Haruka Tsuruya
- Illich Guardiola as Taniguchi
- Luci Christian as Kunikida
- Additional voices:
- Leraldo Anzaldua
- Andrew Love
- David Matranga
- Rob Mungle
English (Texas B)[]
- Cherami Leigh as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Jerry Jewell as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Colleen Clinkenbeard as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Carrie Savage as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- J. Michael Tatum as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Jason Douglas as Fujiwara
- Monica Rial as Haruka Tsuruya
- Ian Sinclair as Taniguchi
- Caitlin Glass as Kunikida
- Brittney Karbowski as Akari Tanigawa
- Additional voices:
- Chris Ayres
- Greg Ayres
- Jerry Jewell
- Christopher Sabat