CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND SOME LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Previously on Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon…
"MEANWHILE, RICA AND RYAN ARE STARTING TO LOSE THEIR TOUCH--THEIR LATEST ROCKER/COUNTER OFFENSE WAS SUCCESSFULLY DEFLECTED, AND THEY GOT HIT IN THE PROCESS!"
Tad and Kelly were also losing their magic.
"AND TAD AND KELLY CAN'T SEEM TO GET THEIR CHOCTAW OFFENSE TO WORK JUST AS OFTEN; THEY JUST GOT PLOWED DOWN BY A ROCKER/COUNTER OFFENSE FROM IKUTO AND YASUKO!
"QUENT AND SUSAN ALSO HAVE BEEN FELLED! THEY WERE TRIPPED BY A TWIZZLE OFFENSE FROM HARUHI AND MIYUKI!"
Indeed, Quent and Susan both seemed battered and bruised from their contact with an enemy twizzle offense.
"IS THIS THE END FOR THE LIGHT SIDE? HAS THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAM TEAM BEEN KNOCKED DOWN FOR THE COUNT? IS IT A TKO?
"THEY'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER, OR THEY'LL LOSE! FINGERS CROSSED, THEY WILL BOUNCE BACK!"
Juanita was watching. She said, "I hope Susan can pick herself back up…"
Kaitlyn said, "You can do it, Rica and Ryan… hang in there."
OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon ~hybrid version~"
"Calciamo in ghiaccio! - Let's Kick Some Ice!"
Ryan didn't think he could hang in there. Neither did Susan and Kelly, for that matter.
Suddenly, a strange yet familiar face got up from his seat, having come to the game incognito. He said, "Excuse me."
He proceeded to walk toward the rink. Removing his shoes and putting on a spare pair of skates, he then skated over to Rica and Ryan.
"What the hell's the matter with you? All of you… lying on the ice like that, all battered and bruised like that--it's like you've given up! Is that what you're trying to do?"
Ryan looked up. "Nicola… Terry?"
His voice was pretty much hoarse. "What are you doing here?"
Nicola said, "I'm here for encouragement, Ryan, and by the looks of it you'll need it for certain. You've clobbered much worse opponents than before; don't give up now, when you're facing off against three pairs of skaters!"
Ryan said, "There's some… consolation in that."
"That at least we're not fighting four pairs."
"Look, when I was younger I experimented with ice skating. I was all by myself one night, facing off against several skaters. All of them had experience with that damn-fool hockey crap, and I felt outnumbered."
"What did you do?"
"I won. All of them clobbered by my hand. And thus started my own legend of epic badassery, to the point where I even recreated the incident on film during my acting career."
Ryan said, "Amazing… after what you said, I refuse to lose. I won't let them down."
Rica said, "That's the spirit, limey!"
She got up and lifted Ryan carefully. Seeing this courageous act of perseverance, Quent got up and lifted Susan back onto her feet, with Tad and Kelly following shortly after. Nicola said, "Very good. Now go and give it your all! I'll be watching. Don't you disappoint me now."
He then went off the ice and back to his seat.
"WHAT AN AMAZING TURN OF EVENTS! AFTER SOME PEP TALK FROM A SPECTATOR, ALL THREE PAIRS HAVE GOTTEN BACK ON THEIR FEET! YOU DON'T SEE THAT VERY OFTEN, IF AT ALL, AT ACTUAL SPORTING EVENTS!
"THIS IS 1980 WINTER OLYMPICS MATERIAL, PEOPLE; IT'S ALMOST AS IF WE'RE WATCHING THE MIRACLE ON ICE RIGHT NOW!
"NOW THAT THEY'RE BACK ON THEIR FEET… LET'S RESUME!"
Rica and Ryan charged toward Ryotaro and Skate with full intent to perform a Mohawk offense. This time, they were more successful.
"AND RICA AND RYAN PUNCTUATE THEIR COMEBACK WITH A SUCCESSFUL MOHAWK OFFENSE! RYOTARO AND BERYL NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING!
"QUENT AND SUSAN PULL OFF A CHOCTAW OFFENSE, TO SIMILAR EFFECT! THEY'RE REALLY SURPRISING THEIR OPPONENTS! THE MOMENTUM'S SLOWLY BUT SURELY TURNING IN THEIR FAVOR!
"TAD AND KELLY DO A ROCKER/COUNTER OFFENSE THAT REALLY SURPRISES THEIR OPPONENTS! ARE THEY REALLY SO CONFIDENT THEY WERE VANQUISHED THAT THEY PAID NO ATTENTION TO THEM?"
Indeed, the Cures seemed to be on a ball this time around. Their offense maneuvers were really connecting, and it looked as though Skate was no match for them.
"THIRD TIME WAS THE CHARM FOR RICA AND RYAN, AND THAT WAS IT! THEIR MOHAWK OFFENSE HAVING BEEN SEEN THROUGH, THEY JUST GOT HIT BY A CHOCTAW OFFENSE!"
Rica said, "Ouch… time for a counterattack."
She and Ryan proceeded to do a rocker/counter offense.
"BOY, WERE RYOTARO AND BERYL SURPRISED BY THAT ONE! A ROCKER/COUNTER OFFENSE FROM RICA AND RYAN HAS LEFT THEIR HEADS SPINNING!
"QUENT AND SUSAN ARE STILL HOLDING OUT, AND SO ARE TAD AND KELLY! THEY'RE REALLY TENACIOUS AT THIS POINT! RICA AND RYAN ARE RACKING UP THE COUNTER TURNS AND THE ROCKER TURNS, MEANWHILE, AND…
"OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! COUNTERED BY A BRACKET OFFENSE! SEE, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH RICA AND RYAN; THEIR ATTACKS ARE GETTING TOO STALE AS THEY KEEP USING THEM!"
Rica said, "Yeah, I'll admit… we need to keep fresh… and random!"
She and Ryan then entered into a twizzle offense.
"THIS TIME, THEY'VE CHOSEN TO DO A TWIZZLE OFFENSE! RYOTARO AND BERYL HAVE RECEIVED A MAJOR GRACEFUL SURPRISE AS THE TWIZZLE OFFENSE FLOORS THEM YET AGAIN WITH A SPINNING KICK FROM RYAN TO BERYL, AND FROM RICA TO RYOTARO!
"LET'S SEE HOW QUENT AND SUSAN ARE DOING… IT APPEARS AS THOUGH THEY'VE BECOME PREDICTABLE, TOO! THIS TIME, A BRACKET OFFENSE WAS ALL THAT WAS NEEDED FOR THE COUNTER!
"THEY RETALIATE WITH THE CHOCTAW OFFENSE, AND BOY, DID THEY SUCCEED WITH THIS ONE! HARUHI AND MIYUKI REALLY NEED TO FIGURE OUT THEIR OPPONENTS NOW!
"AS FOR TAD AND KELLY… WHOA! DID YOU SEE THAT? ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL MOHAWK OFFENSE! WILL SUCCESS SPOIL J. THADDEUS LONG AND KELLY CHIBA?
"THE ANSWER IS YES! THEY WERE COUNTERED BY A TWIST OFFENSE FROM IKUTO AND YASUKO! KELLY BARELY MANAGED TO DODGE YASUKO THIS TIME!"
Tad asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Kelly said, "Yes."
They proceeded to go for the twizzle offense.
"IKUTO AND YASUKO NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING, I CAN TELL YOU THAT! THEY'LL BE FEELING THOSE LEG PRINTS FOR A LONG WHILE AFTER BEING HIT BY THAT TWIZZLE OFFENSE FROM TAD AND KELLY!"
What followed was an escalating offense maneuver race between the two sets of three pairs of skaters.
"YIKES! THIS IS QUICKLY BECOMING A MESS THAT EVEN THE ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF MARTIAL ARTS WOULD BE CONFOUNDED BY! ONE THING'S FOR CERTAIN--IT HAS OFFICIALLY LEFT ME AT A LOSS FOR WORDS!
"WHEN WILL THIS CRAZINESS END? WHO WINS? WHO KNOWS? WHO CARES? FIND OUT AFTER THESE WORDS FROM OUR SPONSORS!"
As the dramatic music swelled up, the skaters were still locked in this serial escalation of offense maneuvers.
I'm going to leave the escalation up to this point to your imagination.
"WE'RE BACK, LADIES AND GERMS! AS THE ESCALATION CONTINUES, THINGS ARE AS CRAZY AS HELL ON THE RINK! AND I MEAN LITERALLY!"
Things had gone beyond simple offense maneuvers--it was pandemonium. As the match heated up, the two sides tried hard not to melt the ice upon which they were skating.
"NO SHIT! I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S BANANA PEELS, OIL SLICKS, MOUSETRAPS, MARBLES, AND A SHITLOAD OF SPIKES--WAIT, WHAT?"
Indeed, there was a mat with spikes in one part of the rink. Everyone was trying their best to avoid it.
"INDEED, THIS HAS GONE BEYOND MERE CRAZINESS, THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY DIVIDE-BY-ZERO LEVELS OF INSANITY!"
At this, Nicola got up. It appeared that his proteges were winning this one, but it got so crazy they managed to get caught up in it all. He walked to the edge of the rink.
"WHAT… THE HELL… IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
Everybody stopped. Nicola said, "I'd like a 1-minute wormhole timeout to be implemented."
"YOU HEARD THE MAN; VACATE THE ICE WITHIN 30, I REPEAT, 30 SECONDS, OR YOU RUN THE RISK OF BEING ERASED FROM EXISTENCE!"
At this, Rica, Ryan, Quent, Susan, Tad, Kelly, Ryotaro, Skate, Haruhi, Miyuki, Ikuto, and Yasuko scrambled off the ice as quick as they could. As soon as everyone was off the ice, a wormhole opened and sucked all the traps away as they watched.
Nicola said, "You see what happens when you divide by zero? Crazy shit like this can happen We're lucky it's restricted to the ice area, because I don't wish to know what would happen if it was any wider. Now play fair, all of you! And Ryan… can you keep up the momentum even without the craziness?"
Rica said, "Hell yeah!"
Nicola said, "Good. Best of luck!"
As Nicola returned to his seat, the wormhole closed, and everyone got back onto the ice.
"NOW THAT THAT'S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF… OUR SKATERS SEEM TO HAVE RETURNED TO REALITY WITH THE OLD-FASHIONED OFFENSE MANEUVERS BY THE PLAYBOOK!
"WE'RE STARTING OFF EASY, WITH SIMPLE 2 PAIR AND 1 PAIR OFFENSES BEING TRADED BY BOTH SIDES. IT SEEMS A BIT BORING AT FIRST, BUT THEN… WAIT A SECOND, DID IT JUST START UP AGAIN?
"YES, RICA AND RYAN HAVE MOVED ON TO THE MOHAWK OFFENSE! THEY WENT AND TURNED BEHIND RYOTARO AND BERYL AND SOCKED THEM!
"THIS TIME, THEY'RE ROTATING THEIR OFFENSE MANEUVERS AND BEING RANDOM ABOUT IT! EVERYTHING'S GOING SMOOTH HERE!
"HOWEVER, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH THIS ISN'T GOING TO GO ON FOR MUCH LONGER; EVERYONE SEEMS EXHAUSTED BY THE WHOLE ORDEAL, AND ALREADY THEY'RE BEGINNING TO WONDER WHEN IT'S GOING TO END!
"THUS THE REFEREE HAS DECIDED THAT THE FIRST TO FALL LOSES! THE STAKES ARE HIGH, PEEPS! BOTH SIDES ARE NOW TAKING A TIMEOUT TO STRATEGIZE!"
Rica, Ryan, Quent, Susan, Tad and Kelly were huddled togerther to discuss their final strategy.
"What do you think we should do, Ryan?"
"I don't know, Rica."
"How about a 2 pair offense combined with a 1 pair offense followed by a twist offense culminating in a twizzle offense?"
"Now that's a good Hail Mary pass, Susan."
"Ryan and I will do the 1 pair offense. You four can do the 2 pair offense."
"Ready, boys and girls?"
Everyone got into position for this Hail Mary play. Rica and Ryan proceeded toward Ryotaro and Skate, Quent and Susan proceeded toward Ikuto and Yasuko, and Tad and Kelly proceeded toward Haruhi and Miyuki.
"AND IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE PUTTING THEIR HAIL MARY PLAY INTO EFFECT! HUH? WHAT'S THIS? A 1 PAIR OFFENSE ACCOMPANIED BY A 2 PAIR OFFENSE? IS THAT THE BEST THEY CAN COME UP WITH?"
Skate said, "Yeah, girlies, is that the best you can do?"
Suddenly, Ryan, Susan, and Kelly performed 45 degree splits. Rica, Quent, and Tad lifted them; they spun in midair. During the scratch spin, they kicked Skate, Miyuki, and Yasuko, while Rica, Quent, and Tad proceeded to punch out Ryotaro, Haruhi, and Ikuto.
"AH! THEY FOLLOWED IT UP WITH A TWIST OFFENSE! THEIR OPPONENTS JUST MANAGED TO GET UP, THOUGH, SO THEY DECIDED TO PUT THEM DOWN WITH A TWIZZLE OFFENSE!
"AND THERE THEY GO! ONCE THEIR OPPONENTS ARE IN RANGE, THEY EXTEND THEIR LEGS TO KNOCK THEM BACK DOWN! AND THE CROWD! GOES! WILD!"
Rica skated toward a just-unbrainwashed Ryotaro and said, "Checkmate." Ryan skated over to Skate and extended his hand. Skate asked, "Why?"
Ryan proceeded to talk with his hands.
"YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I GENUINELY WISH TO HELP YOU."
Skate said, "But… after we played so rough today, I didn't think you would."
She took his hand and got up anyway.
"COMPASSION FROM THE VICTORS! A MOST MARVELOUS DISPLAY OF TRUE SPORTSMANSHIP TO CLOSE THE NIGHT!"
The audience applauded.
"I have a new mission for you, Fatale."
Fatale was before Thirteen again. "Tell me about it."
"Another test subject has rebelled. You are to find and kill her!"
"What is the number of the test subject?"
"Her number is 75. Again, find her and kill her!"
Fatale left Thirteen's presence to carry out the hit. He said as she left, "I shall now prepare to exterminate the remaining test subjects."
ED: "Anataboshi (When I Come to Your Star with My Love)"
Next episode: "Centro commerciale - Shopping Center"
- Yuki Tokiwa as Hiroshi Lee/Cure Dragon
- Nana Mizuki as Ran Chan/Cure Fortune
- Mariko Kouda as Kaori Chiba/Cure Fang
- Ikue Ohtani as Subera/Beryl D. Kong
- Miyuki Sawashiro as Rica Watanabe
- J.J. Sonny Chiba as Hanzo Hattori XI
- Junichi Suwabe as Taro Hoshi
- Aya Goda as Go Ongaku
- Satsuki Yukino as the announcer
- Rupert Grint as Ryan Lee/Cure Dragon
- Britt McKillip as Susan Chan/Cure Fortune
- Cyndy Preston as Kelly Chiba/Cure Fang
- Amanda Brown as Skate/Beryl D. Kong
- Chloe Grace Moretz as Rica Watson
- Frank Von Kuegelgen as Nicola Terry
- Michael Sinterniklaas as J. Thaddeus Long
- Tara Jayne as Quent Johnson
- Moneca Stori as the announcer