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I ladri - The Thieves

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CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND BRIEF LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

A portal formed in the middle of the city. It grew wider and then collapsed on itself. In its place stood three strange beings.

One of them was a girl with blue hair, white skin, and two faces. Her name was Kae Asjun Dama. Another was a hulking monkey-looking creature. His name was Rasa Kooyoo. The third and final being was a bird-like creature. His name was Potai Tobi.

Kae got up and said, "I can't believe this-netsu… me, a fearless criminal gang leader, stuck in the middle of nowhere with a pair of idiots-netsu!"

Kooyoo said, "Sorry, Boss. Didn't think we'd wind up here-ukii."

Tobi said, "And besides, this isn't the middle of nowhere-osra. Look at this city-like landscape surrounding us!"

Kae looked around and said, "For once, you're right, Tobi. However, my point stands that I don't recognize this place-netsu. Let's poke around, find some answers as to where we are-netsu. Then, if we're not in Kyukai, we'll find some way back to that so-called City of the Future and return to dealing with our rivals Pretty Cure as if business as usual-netsu! By now, they must be wondering where we are..."

Tobi said, "Yeah, Boss, if anything, the Headmistress's daughter might be missing me by the time we get back--"

"Not another word, you idiot! All I know is we wound up being teleported to a strange place after some incident at Western Paradise, and I'd like to get back as soon as possible-netsu!"

Kooyoo said, "Said incident was never document by--"

"Utter one more syllable about our little pasta incident, and I swear I'll do the same thing I threatened to do to Pretty Cure after they handed us our rear ends-netsu! Not that I ever plan on actually doing such things to anyone, but I've got a 'fearless criminal gang leader' image to keep up-netsu! Now, then, to the map-netsu!"


OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Precure Dragon"


"I ladri - The Thieves"


The Magnificent Trio was wandering aimlessly in the city. It was by chance that Kae happened to pass a sign.

"ICHIBAN HIGH SCHOOL - THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL IN MILLENNIUM CITY. Dammit!"

Kooyoo asked, "What's wrong, Boss?"

Kae said, "I knew it… we're in another town-netsu! Huh? I sense something… could Pretty Cure have followed us here-netsu? Are they somehow hiding in this school waiting to ambush us-netsu?"

Tobi said, "Try looking for girls in pink gakuran, Boss."

Kae said, "Easy giveaway, Tobi--the Headmistress's daughter may probably be more idiotic than you and Kooyoo are, and that's saying something-netsu!"

Tobi said, "Now can we get our arses inside-osra? Seriously, we shouldn't loiter; some places have laws against it, you know."

Kae said, "All things at the right time-netsu."


As they finally set foot inside the school, Kae and her minions started looking around. "Hello? Anybody here?"

Tobi said, "It could be the middle of class, Boss."

Kae said, "So it could be the middle of class, huh? Is that it? So I'll smoke them out-netsu!"

Kae snickered as she slipped a charm under a classroom. As she, Kooyoo, and Tobi walked away, a low rumbling noise sounded, the door collapses, and smoke came out. A voice from inside said, "It's all right, girls--some idiot just got the bright idea to bring nitrate film into the school, that's all!"

Kae said, "You should see the looks on their faces, the clueless imbeciles!"

Tobi said, "Um, I think nitrate would've been far more dangerous than that-osra."

Kae said, "Of course it wasn't nitrate, you idiot!"

Kooyoo said, "I should know; I've seen what nitrate can do if it gets too hot-ukii."

Kae said, "Which is why I don't even touch the stuff, is it that obvious-netsu?"

Tobi said, "Well, actually, yes."

Kae said, "Whatever. Let's continue toward that Spark Energy-netsu!"

As they continued forward, Kae stepped onto a piece of rope, which grabbed her by the ankle. "WAGH! CUT ME LOOSE, YOU IMBECILES! CUT ME THE HELL LOOSE!"

Kooyoo grabbed the rope and yanked it off the ceiling. Kae said, "Thanks. Now if you could please lower me so I can flip back onto my feet-netsu?"

Kooyoo did so. Kae touched the floor with her hands. "Now you can let go." Kooyoo dropped the rope. Kae flipped backwards and said, "Now untie this rope so I don't look silly-netsu!"

Tobi did so at once. Then Eileen walked up. "Not who I expected to fall into my trap, but you clowns are close enough. Who are you, anyway?"

Kae said, "I'm Kae Asjun Dama, fearless leader of the criminal gang known as the Magnificent Trio, and these are my underlings, Rasa Kooyoo and Potai Tobi, neither of whom are average intelligence-netsu."

Eileen said, "One of them looks above average intelligence to me."

Kae yelled, "YOU MORON, THEY'RE BOTH BELOW AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE-NETSU! WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY?"

Eileen said, "Eileen Fields. I happen to be a cousin of Pretty Cure."

Tobi said, "If you're talking about the Headmistress's daughter, she wouldn't be the least bit proud to have you as a cousin-osra. The gymnast, on the other hand…"

"Headmistress's daughter? What Headmistress's daughter?"

Kae yelled, "AT MIRAI ACADEMY, IN ANOTHER CITY, YOU NITWIT! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Pretty Cure to track down-netsu."

Eileen said, "As someone whose hide Pretty Cure recently saved, I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request for this Pretty Cure's location. Means no."

Kae said, "Very well, then. If you won't tell us where Pretty Cure is, we'll just have to find them ourselves-netsu! Come on, you imbeciles! We're moving on-netsu!"

The Magnificent Trio continued down the hallway when they passed another student. Kae asked, "Who was that girl-netsu?"

The student said, "Eileen Fields, the Clown Princess of Rulebreaking. She's got quite the ego and constantly claims to be related to some type of person whose profession is Pretty Cure, if only to draw attention to herself."

Tobi facepalmed and said, "I knew it-osra…"

Just then, Ryan and Susan showed up from behind and kicked Kae and Tobi in the head. Susan yelled, "Evil spirits of darkness, fight us!"

Tobi said, "Evil? That's overdoing it quite a bit, in my humble opinion."

Kae said, "We'll show you two how we fight-netsu!"

Ryan and Susan ran into an empty classroom. Less than a minute later, they emerged in their Cure forms.

"The golden warrior, I am Cure Dragon!"

"The silver warrior, I am Cure Fortune!"

"Together we're Pretty Cure!"

"Evil warriors of ill fortune…"

"We shall send you packing!"

Kae yelled, "Impostors! The last thing I need is for a pair of idiots acting like they're our rivals-nestu! Ah, well. We'll beat you anyway to teach you two a lesson-netsu!"

Kae started toward Cures Dragon and Fortune, who defended themselves from her double punch with their arms. Cure Fortune then jumped over Kae as she took another swing at her, then kicked her, um, southern region before she could turn around. "Ha! You seriously thought I'd be feeling much pain from that-netsu?"

Cure Dragon said, "The pompous jerk has a point, Susan. You can't punch a girl's southern region and expect to get the same results as you would from hitting a guy in the balls. And yes, I learned that from the movies."

Cure Fortune ducked as Kae attempted a retaliatory punch. Then Kae tried to do the same thing to Cure Dragon that Cure Fortune did to her, but he jumped over her and socked her good. "Hey! That was Goddam cheap of you, to hit someone not of your own gender-netsu!"

Cure Dragon said, "In Rome, do as the Romans do. Consider it a side effect of a girls' school being the battleground."

Kae said, "All right, you asked for it-netsu!"

Kooyoo said, "Um, Boss, I hate to interrupt, but backup's coming-ukii."

Indeed, Rica and Kelly dropkicked Kae's minions from behind. Rica said, "All right, you freak, have at thee!"

Kae said, "It would be a pleasure-netsu."

Then Kae ran toward Rica and tried to jab at her eyes with her poker fingers. They hit her mouth instead. Kelly covered her eyes, Cure Dragon covered his mouth, and Cure Fortune covered her ears. Rica bounced back and German suplexed her to the ground. Kae got back up after trying to sweep Rica off her feet. Rica jumped over Kae and punched her from behind. Kae said, "If the real Pretty Cure was here, my minions and I would summon a Dogou here and now-netsu!"

Rica asked, "What are you talking about, stranger?"

Kae said, "Your two friends are impostors who only think they're Pretty Cure, the rivals to my gang, the Magnificent Trio-netsu!"

Rica said, "Get the hell out of Dodge, you loony! I'll bet your brain's even more twisted than that of Eileen Fields!"

Kae yelled, "I'll have you know that I'm a criminal genius-netsu! Not a loony! A GENIUS!"

At this point, Rica had had enough. "SECURITY!"


Six security guards were escorting the Magnificent Trio to the gate. Kae said, "I was only having a larf, you guys! Wait, what's going on-netsu?"

The security guards (two of whom were female like Kae, two of whom were strong enough to carry Kooyoo, and two of whom were normal enough to deal with Tobi) swung the Trio forward twice as if to wind up, and then threw them past the gate, shutting it behind them.

Kae said, "I can't believe it-netsu… thrown out before we could sniff out the entire area for our rivals-netsu! And it's all the fault of those impostors-netsu!"

Kooyoo asked, "What are you going to do, Boss?"

Kae said, "I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to call an expert in pest removal, to keep those pests occupied long enough for us to bust back in to find our rivals, or better still, get us the hell back to the City of the Future-netsu!"


Meanwhile, back in the dormitory, Rica, who had just gotten changed into her casual clothes, said, "You've got to be more careful, limey! Don't let those low-level freaks get your itchy trigger finger going with the Pretty Cure button! Luckily for you and Susan, I happened to have a working model of the Neuralyzer on hand so I could flashy-thingy any innocent bystander that happened to be present--"

Ryan said, "Wait a second… where the hell did you get such a device?"

Rica said, "From a warehouse called Fictional Devices R Us. Of course, everything you get from there has to come with a warning label and an instruction manual, to say nothing of how you have to sign a waiver before making any purchases."

Ryan asked, "Where is it?"


Ryan, Susan, Kelly, and Rica were inside the store. Rica said, "Well, say hello."

Susan asked, "Are these things… what I think they are?"

Rica said, "Yeah. Pretty neat, huh? The owner of the place is a guy that likes to call himself Goemon Ishikawa, after the legendary ninja."

Just then, Goemon Ishikawa passed by. Rica said, "Oh, hi, Sir Ishikawa! Yes, I've been using my working model of the Neuralyzer responsibly, putting on Ray-Ban sunglasses before using it and only using it to clear the memories of innocent bystanders who happen to catch sight of weird things going on such as Pretty Cure sightings…"

Goemon said, "I see you've read the warning label and instruction manual carefully. Good for you. Anyway, why don't you and your friends come inside my office for some tea?"

The four entered the office with Goemon, who closed the door behind them.


Meanwhile, Kae was inside a phone booth. She closed a phone book and dialed a number. The following was the resulting conversation between the man in black and Kae:

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Kae Asjun Dama. Are you a representative for Thirteen Pests, by any chance?"

"Indeed, you're right about that!"

"You sound weird-netsu. Are you by any chance on speed-netsu? Because you sound like you're on speed-netsu."

"You could say I'm on speed, girl; hell, you could be on speed yourself!"

"Let's cut to the chase before this devolves into nonsense-netsu. See, there are a couple of pests who I believe to be impostors from the Yakuza who believe they're Pretty Cure-netsu. As far as I know, only three people I've ever met have a right to call themselves Pretty Cure, and those three happen to be my rivals-netsu!"

"Well, dammit, what do you want me to do about those two pests?"

"Those wannabes gave me and my minions a hard time when I tried to fight them-netsu. Worse, their two friends assaulted my minions, and one of them had security eject us-netsu! I want you to help me teach those wannabes a lesson and help us get back to Kyukai City where we belong-netsu!"


The man in black was on his cell phone. He said, "As you wish. Where should we meet?"

"Fictional Devices R Us-netsu!"

"Very well. I'll be there at six o'clock sharp. Wait for me there, OK?"

"Sure thing-netsu!"

"See you later!"

"Goodbye-netsu!"

The man in black hung up and said, "Suckers…"


EYECATCH


In Goemon's office, Ryan, Susan, Kelly, and Rica were drinking their tea. Goemon said, "Darjeeling. You like it?"

Ryan said, "Yeah. A favorite of mine. The same with Susan. She drinks it a lot at her place."

Goemon said, "Anyway… I'm not who I seem to be."

Rica asked, "And what would that be? An old man in a business suit who looks like Milton Ishibashi, but without the evil eyes?"

Goemon said, "Yes, I appear to look like that. However, I am actually the real deal--the original Goemon Ishikawa."

Ryan spat out his tea in shock. "Holy shit… you mean to say you actually survived that cauldron of oil!?"

Goemon said, "Well, actually, yes. When they put me and my son in the cauldron, I knew my son hadn't acquired my ability to withstand high temperatures--temperatures that could kill a normal human--so I pushed him out as I was lowered in. The illusion of death was perfect--they had all thought for sure I was dead. After they disposed of my remains, I simply put myself back together and moved around the world for several centuries, eventually starting a business in the purveyance of fictional devices."

Rica said, "Wow, that's amazing, Sir Ishikawa! You learn something new every day, so I hear."

Goemon said, "Well, that and I happen to know about the Pretty Cure legend, about three martial artists, one male and the other two female, fighting a deadly force that was trying to obliterate the martial arts many years ago. That legend wasn't just a legend. That legend was real; I witnessed several fights with my own eyes. And I know Newton and Bailey, who backed the older warriors in their fight and who now back you in fighting the forces of the evil Thirteen, the being who wishes to obliterate the martial arts."

Kelly said, "One question: why does this Thirteen character hate the martial arts so much?"

Goemon said, "Some questions, I'm sorry to say, are best left unanswered, and even if I wanted to answer that question, I don't know the answer."

Ryan said, "And another thing, Sir Ishikawa: how did you know that Susan and I are the current Pretty Cure?"

Goemon said, "I keep up to date courtesy of exchanges with other fairies of the same species as Newton and Bailey, who share a vested interest in protecting the martial arts."

Susan said, "That's all well and good, but… do you hear that zeppelin going over us?"


Meanwhile, outside of Fictional Devices R Us, Kae was waiting impatiently for the man in black to arrive. "Where the hell is he-netsu?"

Kooyoo said, "Try that airship over our heads-ukii!"

Sure enough, an unmarked zeppelin was flying over the store. It slowly landed outside as Kae said, "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on…"


Goemon said, "I suspect my store is under attack by the evil forces of Thirteen. You four, come with me."

The four got up and left the office with Goemon.


The zeppelin's doors opened. The man in black stepped out. Kae was a bit irked by how he presented himself. "I commend you for making it to this meeting on time. That battle plan I called you about at the nearest phone booth… you sure you've got it memorized?"

Kae said, "Yeah, yeah, I only move into the store with my boys on your signal, then we start lifting the stuff in there to cause a distraction, then those two punks, in their blind ignorance, will go for us, only for you to launch a sneak attack on them-netsu. Brilliant idea, might I add."

The man in black said, "Splendid, Kae. Thirteen Pests couldn't have picked a much more competent ally for this job."

Kae said, "One more thing, Mac: just what exactly is the point of your costume-netsu? You're way too early for Halloween-netsu…"

The man in black said, "You will not be able to get those pests' heads on silver platters, of course, but all that crap in there will make their heads seem minor in comparison, particularly the Official Frito Bandito Parking Meter."

Kae was indignant. That guy considers Frito Bandito merchandise to be more important than beating those wannabes in combat!? "You mean that's not just some crazy disguise-netsu? I've tried to work with an offensive stereotype-netsu!?!?!?"

Kooyoo couldn't believe his ears. "This is so not going to end well-ukii…" He fainted on the spot. Tobi simply said, "Oh, for God's sake-osra!"

The man in black said, "But of course, why are you so upset, Kae? From what I have read of your affiliations with the Demon Empire, it seemed obvious to me you'd be of the offensive sort, too!"

"That strap on your sombrero must be cutting off the oxygen to your brain-netsu!" Kae snarled. "I may be a criminal lunatic, but I'm a politically correct criminal lunatic! Keep back, you idiots, this freak is mine-netsu!"

The man in black said, "How unfortunate! Such misplaced sensitivity."


Goemon said, "Before we step outside this store, it would be a good idea to transform into Pretty Cure now, Ryan Lee and Susan Chan."

Ryan and Susan got their transformers ready. Ryan said, "Ready when you are, Susan."

Susan said, "Mmhmm."

"Dual Fighting Spirit!"

"The golden warrior, I am Cure Dragon!"

"The silver warrior, I am Cure Fortune!"

"Together we're Pretty Cure!"

"Evil warriors of ill fortune…"

"We shall send you packing!"

Goemon said, "Now go get 'em, tigers!" He, Rica, Kelly, and the Cures exited the store.


What they saw was mind-numbing enough for Kelly to cover her eyes, Cure Dragon to cover his mouth, and Cure Fortune to cover her ears.

The fearless leader of the Magnificent Trio, who had jumped them earlier in the day, was fighting the man in black! Kae grumbled, "If only those impostors from the Yakuza would help me deal with this punk-netsu… he's too tough!"

Cure Dragon stepped up and said, "Susan and I are not of the Yakuza! We are Pretty Cure. And for the Yakuza to have their own Pretty Cure would be pretty twisted, to tell you the truth."

Kae yelled, "Well, what are you waiting for? Back me up-netsu!"

Cure Dragon was confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You heard me, clear as day: help me drive this politically incorrect freak out of my sight-netsu!"

Cure Fortune asked, "Could you say that again?"

Kae said, "You seem to be under the misapprehension that you misheard me-netsu. We. Have. A. Common. Enemy! And that enemy is dressed in black, wears a sombrero, and portrays himself as downright offensive-netsu!"

Cure Dragon said, "All right, then." He and Cure Fortune joined in the beatdown.

Goemon said, "I've seen this before… the good guys joining forces with the bad guys to take down a common enemy who's even worse than the bad guys."

After Cure Dragon knocked the man in black down, Kae stomped on his face, followed by Cure Fortune scissor-kicking him as he got back up. Cure Dragon and Kae proceeded to punch him on both sides.

"GOLD THUNDER!"

"SILVER THUNDER! We who are different as day and night…"

"Do join together and combine our might!"

"PRETTY CURE METAL PUNCH!"

The man in black was sent flying, his zeppelin following in his trail. Kae yelled, "Yeah, and don't come back-netsu!"

Kooyoo had recovered from his shock. Tobi said, "Thank God you're all right-osra."

Kooyoo said, "I just fainted, that's all. No need to worry about me-ukii."

Kae said, "When Hinyu catches wind of how I almost fell in with a politically incorrect punk, we are so not going to hear the end of it-netsu… speaking of which, we still need to figure out how to find a way home-netsu."

Goemon said, "I know of one."


Kae, Kooyoo, and Tobi were each sealed inside a pod, each resting on a conveyor belt. Kae asked, "Are you absolutely certain that this is going to get us back to Kyukai City and do the trick-netsu?"

Goemon, who was at a control panel, said, "Absolutely. And you said you wanted to get back to Kyukai City?"

Kae said, "Right."

Goemon typed some data into the computer on the control panel and said, "You two, could you please help me out?"

Ryan and Susan got to the other two control panels. Kae said, "Come on over to Kyukai any time you like so you can help our rivals out some time, will you? And if any other people who are called Pretty Cure show up, I'd love for them to do the same-netsu."

Ryan said, "I thought there were only three people you believe can call themselves Pretty Cure?"

Kae said, "Who am I kidding? There could be many more around the world, for all I care-netsu! And I'd like to meet as many as I can if possible!"

Ryan said, "Nice knowing you, Kae. See you later."

Kae said, "And I want you to be in tip-top shape the next time we fight-netsu! I hope you prove to be a worthy opponent when the time comes-netsu!"

Ryan said, "I'm sure I will."

Goemon started playing some of Alan Silvestri's music. Three sets of curtains parted, each revealing a chamber behind them. The conveyor belts activated, slowly moving Kae, Kooyoo, and Tobi into the chambers. Then the doors slowly closed and the curtains slowly moved back together. Goemon, Ryan, and Susan all pushed a button. Beams of light shot at the pods from inside the chambers, sending Kae, Kooyoo, and Tobi back to Kyukai City in a flash. After the teleportation process finished, the chambers were opened, and the now-empty pods moved outside. Goemon said, "And that's how you move people to another part of the world without ever leaving town yourself."

Ryan said, "Thanks for your help, Sir Ishikawa."

Goemon said, "Please… call me Goemon."


"YOU IMBECILE! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

The man in black stood before Thirteen trembling with fear. Thirteen was trembling with fury.

"Thirteen… I'm sorry. I just-o wanted to do some advertising for you, and hopefully spread-o the word of Thirteen, hoping to give you a potentially important ally."

Thirteen roared, "Well, your antics just COST me a potentially important ally! Now return to your quarters while I figure out a suitable punishment for your recklessness. If, and ONLY if, you're lucky, I might just force you to sever another one of your fingers."

The man in black left Thirteen's presence.


ED: "YMCA"


Next episode: "La vendetta - The Vendetta"

Voice actorsEdit

JapaneseEdit

EnglishEdit

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