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Il club dei arti marziali - The Martial Arts Club

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CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

"How long must I wait for results from you, super spade?"

Thirteen was not amused by the man in black's failed ambush of the Chan residence. The man in black said, "Just-o be patient, eh? I'll have-o their heads on a platter in no time-o."

Thirteen said, "You'd better hope so, as you're the most expendable of my Four Knights of Death owing to your racist behavior."

The man in black said, "Like I said earlier, it shall be done-o."

"And like I said earlier, enough with el Spanish O! That's part of the reason why I consider you expendable. And you will do well to remember that you're expendable. ¿Comprende?"

The man in black said, "Sí. Yo comprende."

Thirteen laughed and said, "No, no, no, no, no, no. I comprendo! ¡Yo comprendo! Conjugate the verb, for pity's sake! Now I shall send you on another attempt to dispatch the Cures so I don't have to hear you butcher another language."

The man in black said, "Just-o you watch-o, señor! I'll grind-o those Cures to dust-o! I'll never give up-o! I'll follow them down al infierno, and I'll engrave-o me nombre on all their malditos bones!"

As he left the throne room, the man in black took out his laser guns and fired both three times each.


OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Precure Dragon"


"Il club dei arti marziali - The Martial Arts Club"


Meanwhile, a new day had dawned at the Chan residence. Susan brought her bags down to the main hallway while singing "Anataboshi" by MilkyWay.

"Easier than ABC, my heart's gonna set you free / Make a run for your star to bring my L-O-V-E / Just you wait until I come, as this melody I hum / As I come toward your star with my love / On the count of 123, that is where I'm gonna be / On a warp to your star to bring my L-O-V-E / I will get there right away; know that I'll be there to stay / When I come to your star with my love / Oh, when I come to your star with my love"

Susan heard Ryan's voice: "Oh, good morning, Susan. I see you're up bright and early today.

Susan said, "Yeah, I know. Just bringing my bags down so I don't forget them--WHOA!"

Susan had seen Ryan wearing an apron over his leotard. Ryan asked, "Is something wrong?"

Susan said, "No, actually. I was just surprised. But I'm glad you're sufficiently covered."

Ryan asked, "Do you want your eggs sunny side up?"

Susan said, "Certainly!"


Several minutes later, Ryan and Susan were eating their breakfast. Ryan said, "I gotta get me some more orange juice."

Ryan got up and was halfway toward the fridge when he suddenly noticed the clock. "Huh? What's the time again?"

He couldn't believe what was being displayed on the digital clock. "Holy shit, look at the time! Only half an hour before class! Aiya, I'd better finish getting ready!"

Ryan finished eating his eggs and dashed upstairs. Susan finished eating her eggs in a neater fashion. When Ryan came back downstairs, he was wearing his school uniform's skirt over his leotard and had also put his ballet slippers back on. As he ran toward the door, he spotted Victoria, who had herself just gotten ready to teach her next class. She asked, "You in a hurry to get to class?"

Ryan said, "Yeah, I guess. Thanks for having me over!" He then curtsied before dashing out, with Susan following close behind after grabbing her bag.


Ryan was buttoning his shirt by the time he and Susan started running toward Ichiban. After getting his shirt buttoned, he proceeded to put on his blazer and get his neck ribbon tied securely. Susan said, "You seem to be in a hurry today."

Ryan said, "No shit, Sherlock! We need to get our stuff in our dormitory and still make it to our first classes in time!"

Susan asked, "Where's your bag?"

Ryan reached behind him and pulled out his school bag--the same one he had brought with him to the Chan residence. Susan was amazed and said, "I was wondering where you left that!"

Ryan said, "Thank the stars for Hammerspace!"

They continued their dash down the road.


5 minutes later, they made it into the school building. They ran to Room 3-45 just as Rica finished getting ready. She asked, "What's all this, then?"

Ryan said, "Just bringing Susan's bags in."

Susan said, "Yeah… I left my stuff at home accidentally. Ryan and I wouldn't have spent the night there otherwise!"

Rica said, "Yeah, well, it's a good idea to keep track of your crap. You wouldn't want to lose it, now, would you?"

Susan said, "No."

Rica said, "So let's get to class already!"

As Ryan and Rica left, Rica removed the sign she had earlier hung.


PE was pretty difficult for Ryan; as he had to wear bloomers during the class, he couldn't wear his underwear. Understandably, when the time came for some volleyball, he kept clumsily hitting the ball to protect his crotch, and before class was over, he had racked up 31 close calls.

Once back in the locker room, and making sure nobody except Susan and Rica were present, he said, "Aiya! I can't believe this! I must've gotten close to being found out more times than that Amawa character ever did!"

Rica, who was the only student wearing shorts with her gym uniform, said, "Well, that's what you get for going commando for the class."

Ryan sighed and said, "You're right, Rica. Dammit, you're right. Better wear my school uniform's tights to gym class from now on. At least they'll provide extra protection, be it ever so little…"

Rica said, "I'll bet Eileen whacked that volleyball hard deliberately to haze a newcomer. Screwy little quim..."

Susan said, "Well, anyway, my teacher told the class it's time to select clubs."

Rica said, "Funny, Miss Sampson told us something similar."

As Ryan got changed back into his uniform, he said, "I hear there's a great martial arts program; however, we should look over the available clubs on our checklist."

Rica said, "In any case, there's so many clubs to choose from, it isn't even funny! We'd best think this through carefully."

Ryan said, "I brought a full list of the clubs with me via pamphlet." As he pulled the pamphlet out of his blazer pocket, Susan and Rica moved in closer to him. "If any will interest you, I'd think such clubs would be the gymnastics club, the auto club, the martial arts club, the arts and crafts club, the ballet club…"

Rica said, "Ballet? Hell no! I think I'll go with the martial arts club. And as there are no limits, I was also thinking of joining the equestrian club. 'Cause you know how much I love to ride those little horsies!"

Susan said, "I actually studied gymnastics for three years before enrolling here. Maybe I'll join the gymnastics club and the martial arts club."

Ryan said, "Good idea, Susan! I'll do the martial arts club."

Rica said, "It's settled, then! First thing at the end of the day, we're attending tryouts at the dance studio!"

Rica and Susan finished getting ready for their next class before they and Ryan left the locker room.


The three arrived at the dance studio at the appointed time. Several other girls were present. One of them was Lisa Osbourne, the leader.

Lisa said, "Welcome, newcomers. Ready for the test?"

Ryan mimed the letters H, A, and I.

"YES."

Lisa said, "Good. Can you talk?"

Susan said, "I don't know if she can, because she never even tried."

Lisa said, "Anyway, what's your names?"

Susan said, "I'm Susan Chan, and these two girls accompanying me are Ryan Lee and Rica Watson."

Rica said, "Let's make this quick. I want to sign up for the equestrian club whether or not I make it here."

Lisa said, "By all means, please do; it's not like clubs are mutually exclusive with each other. OK, Miss Watson, you go first."

Two girls moved a stack of ten stone slabs to the center of the studio. Lisa said, "This is a stack of ten stone slabs which will be used as your testing equipment. To join our club, you need to smash at least three of them."

Rica was confused. "Three?"

Lisa said, "Didn't you know? I'm going easy on the weaklings we get every now and then. So if you're feeling brave enough, bust 'em up!"

Rica took a deep breath, removed her sneakers, and walked up to the pile of stone slabs. She then brought her arm up and sent it crashing down on the pile. All ten slabs were crushed instantly. Lisa said, "Amazing… how long have you trained, Miss Watson?"

Rica said, "Nearly my entire life."

Lisa said, "Welcome to the club. Oh, Miss Chan, why don't you try next?"

The two girls moved the crushed slabs aside as another pair of girls brought in the next pile of ten. Lisa said, "You know the drill, Miss Chan: smash three of them, and you're in."

Susan walked up to the slab stack and struck it as hard as she could. She could only manage three of them. Lisa said, "Not bad for a girly girl. Welcome to the club. Miss Lee, you're next."

The same process of slab-changing repeated; afterwards, Ryan walked up to the new stack and nailed nine of them. Lisa was shocked. "Holy shit… you just managed to smash thrice what was required--second only to Miss Watson! Welcome to the club. First meeting is tomorrow; all meetings are on Wednesdays after the last class. Oh, if any of you wish to join any other clubs, I suggest you check their schedules first, lest they conflict with mine!"

The trio left the dance studio after putting their shoes back on. Unknown to them, a sinister presence was lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike…


EYECATCH


Meanwhile, back at the dormitories, Ryan emerged from the bathroom topless except for a sports bra. He said, "OK, I'm fine with wearing a skirt, but a bra is right out!"

Rica said, "Well, just so you know, you'll be wearing a gi tomorrow, so it's best that you wear one, just to be on the safe side."

Ryan asked, "Aiya! Are you kidding?"

Rica said, "Hell no! Now please put your dress shirt back on. It's embarrassing to all of us."

Ryan said, "Myself included, apparently."

Rica chuckled and said, "You son of a bitch."

Ryan said, "Your mum!"

"Aiya!"

Rica and Ryan started clawing on each other. Susan said, "Good lord, you two are so immature…"

The two stopped. Ryan said, "I hope I was careful not to grope you."

Rica said, "Yeah, you were careful."

Ryan said, "Anyway… what's tomorrow going to bring?"


PE class was business as usual the next day. Only this time, Ryan followed through with his tactical decision to wear his school uniform's tights with his gym uniform. And this time, much to his relief, no attempts were made to hit his crotch during volleyball.

In the locker room, Rica said, "Amazing! This time, Eileen didn't even bother trying to hit you. Although, she was wondering why you were wearing tights this time around."

Ryan said, "Tell her I'm trying to tone my damn legs, OK?"

Rica said, "Right, then… Eileen! Did you not happen to notice that Miss Lee here's concerned about her legs?"

Eileen asked, "What about 'em?"

Rica said, "She's trying to tone 'em."

Eileen said, "I see. Well, I hope her legs are good enough for her come swimming class this summer."

Rica said, "Yeah… I hope so too. Ryan, she mentioned swimming class."

Ryan said, "One thing I like the least about having to go to a girls' school."

Rica said, "Well, when the day comes for our first swim class, I hope to perfect a good way to maintain your secret. You can count on it!"

Ryan said, "Thanks, Rica."

Rica said, "You're welcome."


After the last class of the day, Ryan, Susan, and Rica reported to the dance studio. Ryan said, "Ladies first."

Susan said, "You're too kind, Ryan."

Ryan curtsied as Susan and Rica walked into the studio. They entered the locker room to get changed after Susan removed her ballet slippers and Rica removed her sneakers. Ryan followed shortly afterwards.

Lisa didn't seem to be herself today. Ryan went into sign language mode.

"YOU DON'T SEEM TO FEEL WELL TODAY. WHAT HAPPENED?"

Lisa said, "Ah, the usual. Got up on the wrong side of the bed today, only this time it was the dead wrong side, and not just the wrong side."

"DAMN, THAT FELT CRAPPY."

"Well, you know what they say--better to wake up on the wrong side of the bed than to not wake up at all."

"INDEED."

"Anyway, would you like to get changed now? It'd be such a shame for you to miss out on the humorous air the others have got going."

"SORRY. I DON'T THINK I'LL BE COMFORTABLE JOKING ABOUT RECLAIMING THE C WORD."

"Really?"

Ryan did a double take. He expected Lisa to say "Suit yourself." However, her reaction was suspicious.

"WAIT A MINUTE… YOU'RE NOT LISA OSBOURNE!"

"Are you kidding me? I am the original Lisa Osbourne!"

"CUT THE CRAP. WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?"

"Oh, we all have our secrets, Ryan."

"AIYA... SO YOU KNOW?"

"Oh, don't make me laugh. I don't know your secrets. Not yet, anyway."

"WANNA FIGHT?"

"Bring it on, coño!"

Ryan did another double take. So Lisa was actually an agent of this Thirteen character? As he tried to process it, Lisa yelled, "I'm waiting, jackass! Have at it!"

Ryan still hesitated. Lisa said, "Let me spell it out clearly for you, Miss Lee: you are a cunt."

That word was enough for Ryan to run toward Lisa at full speed and knock her halfway across the room. Susan and Rica, who had just finished changing into their gis, burst out of the locker room. Rica yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL MY FRIEND?"

Lisa said, "I called her a--"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Lisa said, "Same thing you two are."

Rica yelled, "ALL RIGHT, YOU STUPID ASS, I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT'S FOR!"

Rica ran toward Lisa to punch her, but Lisa moved her arm forward, sending her tumbling backwards. "Damn, she's one tough cookie!"

Susan said, "Well, she isn't the martial arts club leader for nothing."

Suddenly, Newton and Bailey burst out of the locker room, having concealed themselves in Ryan's backpack. Newton said, "She's being possessed."

Rica said, "Christ, you guys! You could've told us sooner."

Bailey said, "Rough her up, that's the only way to get that demon out of her!"

Ryan said, "Gladly."

Ryan and Rica proceeded to double-team on Lisa. After about a minute of rough fighting, the demon was expelled and yelled, "YOU… PRETTY CURE. YOU… NOT PRETTY CURE. WHERE OTHER PRETTY CURE?"

Rica asked, "What is he talking about?"

Ryan said, "I don't know. But he seemed to call me Pretty Cure."

Rica said, "Well, I ain't one of the Cures this shithead's looking for, so I don't know who the other one is."

Susan got up and said, "Rica Watson is not Pretty Cure. I am."

The demon yelled, "SHOW YOUR MOVES!"1

Susan proceeded to launch into a fighting style that combined martial arts and gymnastics. She kept dodging the demon's attacks, usually without much difficulty, though she was forced into a pirouette by an attack aimed at her foot. Lisa said, "My God… that totally wasn't me saying or doing such things. In fact, I don't know what I ever did to deserve to get beaten up by a couple of rookies. Still… to fight that demon and hold on for that long, two of this year's rookies really are something else. And two of them have been labeled, or labeled themselves, as Pretty Cure. What is Pretty Cure, anyhow?"

After Susan knocked the demon out, Ryan snapped its neck to destroy it. Then the man in black, who was watching the spectacle from the doorway all along, clapped slowly and sarcastically as a means of mock applause. "¡Bravo! I never really expected you punk-os to try out some exorcismo! Now comes the easy part--and I hope you two won't disappoint-o me!"

Ryan walked up to Lisa and said, "I have a confession to make. Can you keep a secret?"

Lisa said, "At this point, it'd be a very good idea."

Ryan said, "I am a boy. I am also a Pretty Cure. So is one of my friends. Name of Susan Chan. Come on over, Susan."

Susan walked over to where Ryan was standing. "Now, Susan, we're going to show Miss Osbourne who we are."

They got their transformers ready. "Dual Fighting Spirit!"

"The golden warrior, I am Cure Dragon!"

"The silver warrior, I am Cure Fortune!"

"Together we're Pretty Cure!"

"Evil warriors of ill fortune…"

"We shall send you packing!"2

Rica said, "I knew it… my friends were more than they appeared to be after all! I should've seen that coming, given that only a magical warrior could be such a powerhouse against that demon. Keep up the good work, girls! I know you can defeat the man in black!"

A laser barely missed her head; she dodged it effortlessly. Cure Dragon ran up to the man in black and grabbed his laser guns. He took a look at the guns and identified them. "Carbon fiber, .28 Caliber, made in China." Snapping the guns in half with a double-handed karate chop, he told the man in black, "If you want to modify your guns to shoot lasers, Black, I suggest you buy American."

The man in black was speechless. Cures Dragon and Fortune proceeded to deliver a minute-long beatdown. "GOLD THUNDER!"

"SILVER THUNDER! We who are different as day and night…"

"Do join together and combine our might!"

"PRETTY CURE METAL PUNCH!"3

The man in black took the full blast of it. As he tried to get up, Cure Dragon grabbed him by the shirtfront and snarled in a low voice, "Get the hell out of Dodge, amigo."1

After Dragon threw him halfway across the room, he scampered away. Lisa walked up to the Cures after they detransformed and said, "I still don't understand, Ryan: why did you hit me?"

"I'm an equal opportunity fighter, even though I'm not looking for a fight myself 99% of the time. But you know what really causes me to get my panties in a bunch? Some people need to realize that you do not use the C word unless you're among the 1% of the school that's looking for a fight, even if you are being possessed by a demon at the time."

Lisa said, "I see. Guess I should've watched my ass to make sure some idiot didn't possess me."

Ryan said, "Take it easy, Lisa. I'm just here for the exorcism. That's all. Seriously, let's get our first meet ready."

The rest of the club emerged from the dressing room. One of them asked, "What was all the hubbub about?"

Lisa said, "Just some super spade burglar trying to steal our equipment. Not really something we should worry about, so long as we have a couple of girls like Miss Lee and Miss Chan who are fighting fit. Anyway, Ryan, please go right into the locker room."

Ryan spelled out a single word.

"GLADLY!"

He walked into the locker room and closed and locked the door behind him. Lisa said, "You too did good, Rica. Your prowess today is something I really expect from a member of my club."

Rica said, "Indeed. I hope it's the last you'll see of that bloody super spade."

Lisa said, "Yeah, no kidding. I can't believe how easy it was. Dealing with him is like dealing with Count Vlad Dracula."

Rica yelled, "Hey, limey4, are you ready yet?"

Ryan stepped out of the locker room wearing a gi as Susan chuckled and said, "I never thought you'd get around to using that word this week."

"I'M READY."


ED: "YMCA"


Next episode: "Il museo dell'arte - The Art Museum"

Voice actorsEdit

JapaneseEdit

EnglishEdit

Translation notesEdit

1.^ Spoken in English in the original Japanese version.
2.^ Original Japanese version: "Duaru faitingu supiritu!" "Senshi no kin'iro, Kyua Doragon!" "Senshi no gin'iro, Kyua Foruchiun!" "Futari wa purikyua!" "Akuun no warui no senshi!" "Jigoku no ochiru!" ("Dual Fighting Spirit!" "The Golden Warrior, Cure Dragon!" "The Silver Warrior, Cure Fortune!" "We are Pretty Cure!" "Evil warriors of ill fortune!" "Fall into Hell!")
3.^ Original Japanese version: "Gorudo Sandaa!" "Shirubaa Sandaa!" "Purikyua no in to you no chikara ga..." "...Subete no aku wo uchikudaku!" "Purikyua metarupanchu!" ("Gold Thunder!" "Silver Thunder!" "The yin/yang power of Pretty Cure..." "...Shall crush all evil!" "Pretty Cure Metal Punch!")
4.^ Originally "Kassarin" ("Catherine").

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