CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND BRIEF LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
As the orientation continued, Ryan remembered what had happened earlier in the day.
"I was hoping to have a smooth first day, but it ain't easy when you're a boy attending a girls' school. Sure, I avoided being found out until the most beautiful student, Susan Chan, ran right into me as I was leaving drama club headquarters, but until then, I couldn't even speak a word to anyone. And then, on top of that, some crazy mariachi wannabe jumped us right afterward!
"Almost as suddenly, we encountered a pair of fairies resembling red pandas who told us that we were a pair of warriors called Pretty Cure. I fought that basket case as soon as I remembered the Way of the Dragon, and it was indeed a pretty fair fight; fist on fist, no lasers.
"Even now, I'm wondering if I found myself attending Ichiban for a reason…"
Soon, the commencement speech by the principal ended, and the students applauded. Susan said, "Well, then… let's head back to our dormitory, Ryan. We don't want to keep all the comforts of home waiting too long."
Ryan spelled out the following in sign language:
Confused at first, Susan said, "Oh. I see. So many people here who still don't know your secret. Come on, let's go."
OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Precure Dragon"
"In sinc con l'uno l'altro - In Sync with Each Other"
"Ryan's a what?"
Rica, who had changed out of her uniform for a more casual outfit (consisting of a T-shirt and jeans), couldn't believe her ears. Susan said, "Yes. He's a boy. I've known you for years, and so I should know you're the type that will gladly keep a secret."
Rica said, "You're damn right I'm keeping that secret--and for good reason! He's a nice guy, and 99% of the time, he ain't looking for a fight. But Eileen Fields is trying hard to be the 1% of the school that is looking for a fight, and if she comes to him looking for a fight, he'll give it to her! Of course, Eileen would pretty much be asking for it; why, just after orientation, she loudly announced that she was related to a pair of magical warriors from another part of the world! Who does she think she is?"
Ryan said, "Just another attention-seeker, by the looks of it."
Rica said, "Yeah, apparently she's yelled such shit at every orientation since her first year, if I'm to believe reports by the staff."
"Perhaps she shares a surname with them?"
"Or maybe she's got an ego the size of Betelgeuse."
Susan said, "So… I see your parents brought your stuff along."
Ryan said, "Yeah… they didn't need to be told even once to get my things ready. Of course, it was my responsibility to pack my bags the night before my first day."
Susan said, "Good for you."
Rica said, "In any case, limey1, you're quite the real man, to put up with having to wear ballet shoes with your school uniform. I can't even stand the tights!"
Ryan said, "Which is why you never wear tights."
Rica said, "Well, maybe if I paired 'em with shorts. But never with a skirt!"
Susan said, "Speaking of parents, wanna spend the night at my mom's? She's a pretty nice person to get along with, once you get to know her."
Ryan said, "I'd certainly like to get to know her."
Susan said, "All right, let's go!"
Rica said, ""See you tomorrow, then!"
As Ryan and Susan left, Rica wrote a note reading "VISITING A RELATIVE FOR THE NIGHT. BE BACK TOMORROW! -RYAN LEE AND SUSAN CHAN". She then hung it outside on the door.
Meanwhile, in the darkest reaches of nothing, in a region so dark not even a black hole could ever hope to achieve its level of darkness, sat a shadowy figure on a throne even darker than that. The figure, who was called Thirteen, listened to the report from the man in black.
"I have located los Pretty Cure warrior-os. They both attend a school-o called Ichiban-o High School-o. One of them-o es un chico. The other-o es just una chick."
Thirteen said, "And you're sure that this… boy… and girl are the quarry we're looking for?"
"Only these and no one more-o."
Thirteen said, "I'd like to see just what they're up to. Report to my intelligence cyborg bot and find out where they're going."
The man in black said, "It shall be done-o."
Thirteen said, "And keep the O's out of your speech, super spade. It makes you sound racist."2
The man in black, as he departed, said, "Part of me MO."
Ryan and Susan were outside a mansion carrying a bag with a fraction of Ryan's belongings inside. Susan said, "I'm only here because I forgot to get my things ready for my three years at Ichiban; otherwise, why would I be here this early in the year?"
Ryan said, "No kidding. Anyway, your house looks so pretty!"
Susan said, "Thanks, Ryan."
Suddenly, the door opens. A woman in her late 30's shows up. "Hi, Susan. Back so soon?"
Susan said, "Yeah, I just realized I forgot to pack my things for the boarding school. Anyway, I brought a friend along."
Ryan curtsied. The woman said, "Come on in."
Ryan and Susan started to remove their ballet slippers, but the woman insisted they continue wearing them, saying, "No need, you two. It's not like this is a traditional Japanese house."
Susan said, "Before we get to any formalities whatsoever, I'd like to take the time to tell you something. Can you keep a secret?"
The woman said, "Sure."
That's when Ryan opened his mouth. "Hi there, Mrs. Chan."
Susan said, "It's hard to believe, but this is actually a boy I brought into the house. He's just wearing a girls' uniform because he was too engrossed in trying to pass an entrance exam to find out ahead of time what kind of school it was."
Ryan said, "Long story, actually. By the way, my name's Ryan Lee."
The woman said, "I'm Victoria Chan, young man. Why don't you stick around and have some tea?"
Ryan said, "Certainly, ma'am."
Victoria walked into the kitchen. Susan said, "By the way, while we're here, I figured I may as well have the two of us take some dance lessons."
Ryan asked, "What about it?"
Susan said, "Mom's the ballet teacher at Ichiban, though she also teaches other forms of dance, including, but not limited to, para-para."
Ryan asked, "Do you mean group dancing?"
Susan said, "Certainly. Most every Pretty Cure season on television has a group dance number at the end of each episode; it only got popular when 'Ganbalance de Dance' was the closing theme."
Ryan did a double take. "Wait a second… you're a fan of Pretty Cure?"
Susan said, "There's merchandise decorating my room. There's also a guest bedroom here for anyone I might bring over."
Ryan said, "That's quite impressive."
Susan said, "Anyway, group dancing was part of the Fresh season; it centered around three girls who form a group dancing trio after one of them saves a group dancer from certain peril during a group dance concert the latter was doing with her own trio. By the way, my favorite season's Heartcatch."
Ryan said, "Also known as the one with Cure Nana Mizuki in it."3
Susan said, "Correct."
Then a pair of maids appeared with cups of tea. Ryan and Susan promptly got up and curtsied. Susan said, "Thanks for the tea!"
The maids said, "You're quite welcome, Miss Chan."
As Ryan and Susan drank their tea, Susan said, "Anyway, I'll go talk to my mom about using the dance studio downstairs. In the meantime, do enjoy yourself!"
Susan got up still drinking her tea. Ryan said, "I wonder what I'll be learning to dance to today…"
The man in black entered the intelligence room and walked up to the cyborg in charge of intelligence. He said, "We need a talk-o."
The cyborg said, "Affirmative."
The man in black said, "Right-o… do you know about-o this pair of warrior-os called Pretty Cure?"
The cyborg said, "Negative."
The man in black said, "They are our enemies y must-o be destroyed. One of them-o es un chico, y el other-o es just una chick."
The cyborg said, "Understood. Beginning the process of gathering coordinates."
Ryan and Susan walked down the stairs and into the basement. They turned on the lights and saw the dance studio before them. Ryan said, "Wow…"
Susan said, "Indeed. Come, check out the closet."
"Yeah, it's where mom keeps dance costumes for any occasion."
Susan walked to a door and opened it. Inside were numerous articles of dancewear. Ryan was amazed. Susan said, "Pick something out. It's for our lesson."
Ryan walked in and picked out a pink tank leotard. Susan took a blue elbow-length one. She said, "Now go ahead and get changed. I'm getting changed here too, so don't look."
Ryan scoffed and said, "As if I would." He then removed his neck ribbon and unbuttoned his blazer and shirt. Removing his ballet slippers, he then dropped his skirt before putting on the leotard. After Susan finished the same process, she said, "OK, Ryan, you can look now!"
Ryan turned around to see Susan dressed up for the para-para lesson. She said, "Now let's try on some leg warmers, OK? Just to speed things up as far as warming up is concerned."
Susan walked back into the closet and pulled out a pair of gold leg warmers, tossing them to Ryan. She then put on a pair of silver leg warmers. "Ready?"
Ryan said, "I guess."
Susan smiled. "Let's begin!"
Susan inserted a cassette tape into the stereo.
We see the last minute of Ryan and Susan warming up before Victoria comes down asking, "All right, you two, ready for some Village People?"
Ryan did a double take quickly. "You're a fan of the Village People?"
Victoria said, "Why, yes, young man; I was one of their biggest fans when I was younger than you two. I still am, actually. Now pay very close attention, because the four symbols you'll learn first are key to the dance you two will be learning. Exactly. Here we go, lesson #1: Y!"
Ryan and Susan outstretched their arms upward and diagonally, paying close attention as Victoria spelled out the letters. "Because I like you. Very nice. Here we go, M!"
Victoria must've caught Susan doing it wrong, because she said, "Not the monkey! No monkeys, no, this."
Victoria put her hands on her shoulders again, just like what Ryan was doing. Susan shifted her own hands onto her shoulders. "That's not bad. C!"
At that sound, Ryan and Susan outstretched one arm to the side and curved the other arm over their heads and the first arm. Victoria said, "Oh, that's pathetic. C, it's this way, just like Ryan's doing. What a quick learner he is. Other left, Susan! A!"
Ryan and Susan put their hands over their heads to form an A-like shape. Victoria said, "Excellent! That is most excellent, you two, and when we put it all together, what do you think we got?"
Ryan and Susan proceeded to repeat the symbols as Victoria yelled, "Y! M! C! A!" She then put a cassette into the stereo, carefully ejecting the cassette that was previously inside and putting it back into its case.
The music began, as did the main lesson.
Meanwhile, the man in black heard a familiar song (which wasn't really familiar to his people) and asked, "Qué es that music-o yo hear-o?"
The cyborg said, "Carbon-scored super spade. Tracking music."
Moments later, text appeared on the monitor. The cyborg read the text to the letter. "Title: YMCA. Artist: The Village People. Year: 1978. Length: 4 minutes 48 seconds."4
The man in black said, "Interesting. Y donde do you think-o this music-o is coming from?"
The cyborg said, "Pinpointing location of music source."
Moments later, a reading came up. "Dance studio on the residence of a Victoria S. Chan, ballet teacher at Ichiban, also teacher of other dances."
The man in black said, "Un momento… did you say Ichiban?"
The cyborg said, "Affirmative."
The man in black said, "It's the same school-o where I first-o fought-o Pretty Cure! I'm going alone-o! I can take them on-o with my laser gun-o!"
The man in black picks up his laser gun and exits the room.
"Wǒ dì, wǒ dì yī yú tóngchuán gòng jì / Xiōngdì, xiōngdì mǎo wèntí yá yìqì / YMCA!"
Victoria walked to the stereo and stopped it, then looked at her watch. She ejected the tape and said, "I guess that's all for tonight."
Ryan said, "Thanks for having me around, Mrs. Chan!"
Victoria said, "Think nothing of it, young man, and feel free to keep the leotard; there's many more where that came from, and besides, you look good in it."
Ryan blushed. "Really?"
Victoria said, "Mm-hmm. I always knew pink suited you."
Ryan said, "Thanks."
Ryan folded his school uniform and took it upstairs with him as Susan started to get changed.
Ryan walked into Susan's room and unfolded a sleeping bag. Suddenly, he cursed under his breath as Susan walked in. Susan asked, "What's wrong? Did the sleeping bag get ripped?"
Ryan said, "No, Susan… it's just that I realized I left my pajamas in my dormitory."
Susan said, "Really?"
Ryan said, "I guess I'm stuck sleeping in this."
Susan went into her closet to change into her pajamas. Suddenly, a laser show occurred outside her window. Ryan said, "Aiya! I knew it… the man in black must've tracked us here!"
Then the man in black jumped howling through the window, breaking it. Ryan said, "You hijo de puta…"
The man in black yelled, "YEAH! FIGHT ME YOU MARICÓN!"
Ryan did a facepalm and said, "Louder so the whole city can hear you swear like a sailor, super spade."5
The man in black yelled, "¡AY! ¡HIJO DE PUTA! THAT'S THE THIRD TIME-O SOME BASTARDO CALLED ME THAT-O!"5
Ryan rolled his eyes and said, "I just had to open my big mouth, didn't I?" He then proceeded to run toward the man in black at close range and do a roundhouse kick strong enough to knock him down. As the man in black got back on his feet, Ryan performed a backflip to widen the distance. He then proceeded to dodge a laser fired at his head with a somersault. Getting himself close to the man in black's face, he asked, "How do you like them apples?"
Then Susan burst out of the closet, now wearing her pajamas, and gave the man in black a foot to the face, knocking him down. She said, "You laserbrain! Not only do you break one of my windows and cause a loud ruckus in here, you have the gall to use stereotypical linguistic markers in your speech?"
The man in black was beside himself. "You saying I'm racist, you puta?"
Susan said, "And sexist."6
Susan then had her go at attacking the man in black, using a similar style to what Ryan had used. She knocks the man in black down with a double-footed kick to the chest. "Training for the ballet, pink-o?" he asked as Ryan was forced to do a stupid kind of twirl to dodge a laser he had fired at the broken window. Ryan said, "No. That was just dodging your sudden cheap shot."
Susan continued the beatdown, at one point using a pirouette as an excuse to try to force the man in black out of her room. Specifically, she grabbed him by the shirtfront and threw him out as soon as he and the window were aligned. Ryan said, "I guess that should keep him out."
Then Newton and Bailey climbed out of his backpack and said, "About time! We were suffocating in there!" Susan responded by saying, "Oh, shut up."
Bailey responded by saying, "I don't think the man in black would give up that easily." As if on cue, the man in black climbed back up through the window. Ryan said, "I'll say this for him: he's got balls."
He and Susan then got their transformers ready. "Dual Fighting Spirit!"
"The golden warrior, I am Cure Dragon!"
"The silver warrior, I am Cure Fortune!"
"Together we're Pretty Cure!"
"Evil warriors of ill fortune…"
"We shall send you packing!"7
Looking around the room and seeing her merchandise intact, as well as a man in black armed only with his fists, Cure Fortune said, "At least none of my stuff got messed up."
Cure Dragon said, "Believe me, Susan, if any of your stuff got broken because of him, I'd let you do the honors of kicking his arse all the way to Mexico City."8
The two parties did some more fighting. This time, the man in black manages to push both Cures out the window. Cure Fortune yelled, "Get off of us, you bastard!"
With a single push, Cure Fortune pushed the man in black off of her and Cure Dragon. As the two got back on their feet, she said, "What a pervert! You're lucky to be a boy, y'know?"
Cure Dragon said, "The man in black, who groped on both of us while pushing us out your window, isn't going to be as lucky. GOLD THUNDER!"
"SILVER THUNDER! We who are different as day and night…"
"Do join together and combine our might!"
"PRETTY CURE METAL PUNCH!"9
This time, the man in black was thrown sky-high by the bursts of light.
Ryan and Susan climbed back in through the window. Oddly, the back of Ryan's leotard was clean, as were the feet of his tights. How was that possible, you might ask? Simple: the two detransformed just after they started climbing the outer wall of the mansion.
Afterwards, Victoria came in. "Is everything all right? My, you two certainly look like hell tonight!"
Ryan said, "Long story."
Susan said, "In a nutshell, we had a scuffle with some crazy super spade burglar who tried to get in through my window, breaking it in the process. We drove him off, he'll likely think twice before bothering us again…"
Victoria saw the shattered window and said, "Well, we can always get a new window; plenty more where that came from, though still more expensive than leotards."
Victoria snapped her fingers, and a pair of maids came in. Victoria said, "I'll have these two fine young ladies bring up a fresh window, but please be careful around my house, because we only have a few spare windows. Like I said, more expensive than leotards. In the meantime, get some shut-eye, all right?"
Susan said, "Certainly! Just as soon as I finish packing my bags… for real, this time."
Victoria said, "Very well. Good night!"
Victoria left with the two maids as Ryan crawled into his sleeping bag and Susan started packing her things for the school year.
Next episode: "Il club dei arti marziali - The Martial Arts Club"
- Yuki Tokiwa as Hiroshi Lee/Cure Dragon
- Nana Mizuki as Ran Chan/Cure Fortune
- Daisuke Kishio as Shinhan
- Hisako Kanemoto as Seikou
- Tetsuo Goto as Shiban
- Norio Wakamoto as Kuro
- Yuriko Yamamoto as Yue Chan
- Miyuki Sawashiro as Rica Watanabe
- Additional voices:
- Rupert Grint as Ryan Lee/Cure Dragon
- Britt McKillip as Susan Chan/Cure Fortune
- Mark X. Laskowski as Newton
- Maggie Flecknoe as Bailey
- Matthew Wood as Thirteen
- Stephen Apostolina as Black
- Jessica Calvello as Victoria Chan
- Chloe Grace Moretz as Rica Watson
- Additional voices:
- 1.^ Originally "Kassarin" ("Catherine").
- 2.^ Originally, Shiban told Kuro not to swear like a foreigner, because it sounds tacky.
- 3.^ Hiroshi explicitly notes that Nana Mizuki voiced a Cure in Heartcatch Pretty Cure in the original Japanese instead of calling her "Cure Nana Mizuki".
- 4.^ Spoken in English in the original Japanese version.
- 5.^ In the Japanese version, Hiroshi notes that Kuro sounds like he comes from Chicago, and Kuro yells for him to never bring up Chicago.
- 6.^ The original Japanese has Ran speak Spanish: "Claro que sí." ("Of course.")
- 7.^ Original Japanese version: "Duaru faitingu supiritu!" "Senshi no kin'iro, Kyua Doragon!" "Senshi no gin'iro, Kyua Foruchiun!" "Futari wa purikyua!" "Akuun no warui no senshi!" "Jigoku no ochiru!" ("Dual Fighting Spirit!" "The Golden Warrior, Cure Dragon!" "The Silver Warrior, Cure Fortune!" "We are Pretty Cure!" "Evil warriors of ill fortune!" "Fall into Hell!")
- 8.^ Cure Dragon originally said he'd let Cure Fortune kick Kuro's ass all the way to Chicago.
- 9.^ Original Japanese version: "Gorudo Sandaa!" "Shirubaa Sandaa!" "Purikyua no in to you no chikara ga..." "...Subete no aku wo uchikudaku!" "Purikyua metarupanchu!" ("Gold Thunder!" "Silver Thunder!" "The yin/yang power of Pretty Cure..." "...Shall crush all evil!" "Pretty Cure Metal Punch!")