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L'apocalisse di Nobunaga Oda - Nobunaga Oda's Apocalypse

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CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND SOME LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Tonight's episode is presented in memory of Chieko Honda (1963-2013).


Previously on Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon…

Following Oda's defeat at the new dance studio, Cure Dragon said, "I hope I don't have to deal with him again…"

Just then, Eileen came in, exhausted. "I never expected you to be here, Principal Mazda."

Principal Mazda said, "I was just enjoying the arts, of course. Is this about Nobunaga Oda?"

"Yes… this wasn't the big thing he had planned for us!"

"You mean…"

"Yes. The day predicted to be the end of the world. December 21, 2012. Pretty Cure, be ready, because if Oda succeeds, that plan of his could bring more than just the demise of the martial arts.

"The world itself could be at stake."


OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon ~hybrid version~"


"L'Apocalisse di Nobunaga Oda - Nobunaga Oda's Apocalypse"


Eileen could not have been more correct about what would happen if Thirteen's plan wasn't stopped.

"So," Thirteen told Oda, "your plan is to cause a diversion at Ichiban High, so as to keep Pretty Cure preoccupied, so that they won't be available to interfere when I send a powerful mindwiping frequency across all channels of radio, television and the like at high noon tomorrow from the town center, disguised as a Pineapple lawyer traveling from California to present my case against what the company believes to be a pack of inbred burglars in an ongoing international civil lawsuit, using whatever the hell's inside that suitcase that's glowing to destroy the martial arts once and for all and transform all humans into mindless zombies?"

"Yes. That's the plan."

"I love it! Especially the part where I get to disguise myself as a litigator."

"One thing: are you pro-Pineapple or pro-Ifroid?"

"Pro-Pineapple, like you."

"Yeah, I'll agree with you there: all users of Ifroid smartphones and tablets are uncool sons of bitches."

"What does that make us?"

"That makes us cool sons of bitches."


"Yeah, both the Pineapple and Ifroid camps are full of sons of bitches. That makes me glad I only use Windoors products…"

Rica was going on about how the legal squabbling between Pineapple and Ifroid was making her wonder which of the two was worse. Principal Mazda said, "Yes, we get the point, Rica, that both Pineapple and various supporters of Ifroid are struggling to see who's got what it takes to run an illegal monopoly."

Ryan said, "Indeed, what's going on is part dogfight between cats, and part Ringling Bros. circus spectacle. But that's not important right now; what's important is that we formulate a strategy to save the martial arts--and potentially the world--from Thirteen and his goons."

Eileen said, "My role in it is going to be important."

"Objection!" Rica yelled, pointing her finger like a certain benevolent (if maverick) doctor of the law with spiked hair. "Eileen's just trying to push another prank!"

"Overruled," Principal Mazda said. "Eileen, what do you suppose you could do?"

Eileen said, "Put a bunch of booby traps all over the school, retreat to the offices afterwards, and taunt him the minute he slips up. That'll relieve Pretty Cure of having to deal with him, because that way he'll know never to screw with Ichiban High ever again!"

Ryan said, "I guess that means we'll be helping to keep an eye out for Thirteen and stopping him the instant we catch him in our sight, right?"

"CORRECTAMUNDO!"

"It seems we have a Fonzie fangirl in our midst."

Susan said, "That's not the point."

Kelly said, "The point being, if we don't stop Thirteen this 21st, who knows what will happen? Could the Doomsday Clock be one second until midnight already?"

"Objection!" Eileen yelled. "What does the Doomsday Clock have to do with this discussion?"

"Overruled," Principal Mazda said. "I do believe the Doomsday Clock is an appropriate subject to bring up when you're talking about December 21 this year."

"Oh, I almost forgot about the world potentially being at stake here."

"Nevertheless, Eileen would have a point if the contested issue was whether the Doomsday Clock was at one second until midnight. I'm sorry, but the Doomsday Clock is measured in minutes, not seconds."

Rica said, "I'm volunteering to help y'all in your quest to save the martial arts. I have a major stake in such a quest."

"As do I!"

Lisa was just outside the office. "Being the leader of the martial arts club, this fight against this Thirteen character, if I'm to believe what I just overheard, is personal. Of course, it would be personal for anyone with even the slightest interest in the martial arts. So you can count me in!"

Principal Mazda asked, "What do you think you can do?"

"Defend the school from Nobunaga Oda, of course. Should he get past all those booby traps the Fields girl sets up, he'll have to get past me before he can do anything else. And I mean it!"

"I admire your courage; however, Oda is much stronger than you realize. If the booby traps don't get him, he'll pulverize you into who knows what!"

"You think I can't handle that son of a bitch? Think again; if I have to deal with Oda, I'll simply beat him to a pulp with the best I've got as far as skills are concerned. You can count on that!"

"I wouldn't be too sure, even with your skills. But it wouldn't hurt to find out just how far you can go. Remember, Lisa: nothing's impossible as long as you set your mind to it."

"All right. I'll see to it that Oda pays for trying to screw with us."

"Tomorrow, we concentrate on our finals. The day after will be the moment of truth."

"I won't disappoint you, Principal Mazda."

"You may go, Lisa."

Lisa bowed and left the office. Principal Mazda continued, "As for those of us who will spy on Thirteen, myself included, we are going to disguise ourselves, so as to look inconspicuous."

Ryan asked, "What are we going to wear?"

Principal Mazda said, "Mina still has her gakuran from her days as a student; Rica can wear that. Kelly, you wear something casual. Susan, I'll have your mother put together some costumes for you and Ryan to wear; you two will be blending in with the anime convention that just happens to take place at a part of the town square on that day."

"What will you wear?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out. And you will find out on the 21st if you pay close enough attention."

Eileen said, "I did some more eavesdropping earlier today before class; look for a lawyer carrying what looks like that suitcase from Pulp Fiction. Be sure to study these photos hard."

She then gave everyone in the room a picture depicting a still from the film featuring the suitcase in question.

Principal Mazda said, "You may go."

Ryan and Susan curtsied, and Rica and Kelly bowed, before leaving.


Meanwhile, Mina was attending to a customer at the computer store when the phone rang. It was Principal Mazda on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mina. I've got some bad news."

"Now don't tell me: the world's going to end this 21st?"

"Yes, unless Pretty Cure acts fast to prevent it from happening."

"What's my role?"

"You're going to infiltrate the town square in your martial arts gi. Your sparring partner will be Helen Masuo."

"What's your role?"

"I'll be going as a clarinetist."

"What tune will you be playing?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out. And you will find out on the 21st if you pay close enough attention."

"Why will we be in the town square?"

"I'll tell you the details after you and Jubei close up shop for the day."

"See you then."

Mina hung up. She said, "Jubei, I have a date on the 21st."

Jubei said, "Concerning Thirteen's evil plan, I suppose?"

Mina said, "I believe it to be so; it is apparently my role to watch for a suspicious party to see that he doesn't unleash hell on Earth."

Jubei said, "If he does, there will be no more room in hell, and the dead will walk the Earth. Let's hope it doesn't happen. Ever."


EYECATCH


The day came.

The halls were dark.

Oda came in to wreak havoc. He just loved the darkness.

Unknown to him, Eileen had just used it to his disadvantage. As soon as he stepped onto the floor…

"WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

CRASH!

Eileen had put an oil slick on the floor. He was having a hard time keeping his traction on the surface as a direct result. But still he pressed on.

And so the booby traps kept right on coming.

This culminated in the booby trap Eileen had waiting for him at the dormitory. Not only had she rewired the sprinklers to create yet another oil slick, she had also darkened those halls and set up tripwires all over the place. As soon as he tripped just one…

"AAAAAAAAGH! BAAAAAAATS!"

As if to rub salt in the wound, Eileen's voice came out from the loudspeakers.

Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away, HEY!
Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away!

This was, of course, punctuated by Joker-style maniacal laughter. Oda was still trying to fight the bats that had been unleashed on him. "Confound that raccoon bitch!" he snarled as he pressed on to Room 3-45. "I'll get you yet, Pretty Cure!"


The stage was set for what Millennium City would consider the ultimate civilian stakeout.

Mina and Helen were sparring in one part of the town square. In another part, Principal Mazda was playing the Clarinet Polka.

Rica, disguised as a Fujiyama Private Academy student, was hanging out with some actual Fujiyama students. All were wearing blue gakuran.

As for Kelly, she was playing a round of Pokémon TCG with a yukata-clad teenage boy from Kin'iro High.

Meanwhile, at the nearby anime convention, Ryan and Susan were among the attendees. Ryan was dressed as Makie Sasaki from Negima in her pink camisole rhythmic gymnastics dress; Susan was dressed as Misako Ishijima from Kazumi Magica.

All were paying attention to the scene at town square, watching for someone looking like a lawyer carrying something resembling that suitcase from Pulp Fiction.

As Susan was watching Ryan's rhythmic gymnastics routine to Beethoven's "Für Elise", she kept looking at her watch. "It's not high noon yet," she said to herself. "It's only half an hour away."

Kelly was concentrating heavily on her opponent, but she was also looking around for Thirteen. She looked at her watch. "Half an hour to midnight," she said, "unless we can stop him."


Oda approached the door to Room 3-45, battered and bruised. He opened it. He did not expect what was coming.

Lisa was behind the door, and she kicked him in the gut.


Meanwhile, back at the town square, Mina looked behind her and saw Thirteen come in. She and Helen stopped what they were doing and approached Principal Mazda. "Bogey at 11:00," she said.

Principal Mazda said, "All right, my partners, you know what to do."

Meanwhile, Ryan had just finished his rhythmic gymnastics routine when he and Susan heard some commotion. Susan said, "Looks like they found the sleeper. Come on, Ryan. Let's kick his arse!"

Ryan and Susan headed toward the source of the commotion. Kelly and Rica were also there, watching Mina, Principal Mazda, and Helen fight Thirteen as Pretty Cure.

Just when it appeared they'd be losing, Ryan threw his ribbon toward Thirteen and yanked his suitcase away. "If you want to bring forth the Four Horsemen, you'll have to get past us first."

He then gave the suitcase to Rica, saying, "Whatever you do, do NOT open the suitcase. We don't know yet what will happen if it opens, and we don't need to know, ever."

Rica said, "I think we can fix that, limey. Susan, allow me."

Then, taking Susan's prop Taser, she fired a burst of high voltage electricity at the suitcase, frying it and its contents to a crisp. Overheating, the suitcase burned up. She then switched it off and gave it back to Susan. "Never turn it on unless absolutely necessary, and never leave it on, ever."

Ryan and Susan then started attacking Thirteen with punches and kicks, not to mention ribbons, hoops and the like. Kelly and Rica joined in the fight within seconds.


Oda and Lisa were locked in mortal combat. Each side tried hard to fight fairly, knowing what was at stake.


After about a minute or two of good old fisticuffs, Ryan, Susan, and Kelly prepped their transformers and ducked into an alleyway. "Dual fighting spirit!"

"Bodyguard, come forth!"

"The golden warrior, I am Cure Dragon!"

"The silver warrior, I am Cure Fortune!"

"Together we're Pretty Cure!"

"Evil warriors of ill fortune…"

"We shall send you packing!"

"Protecting my friends, I am Cure Fang! Let those who worship evil's might beware my power! The bodyguard's light!"

Cures Dragon and Fortune then proceeded to take on Thirteen themselves, and the three combatants circled around the smoldering remains of the suitcase before lunging at each other.

Scratches and bruises ensued.


Lisa managed to send an uppercut kick Oda's way. He managed to land a punch on her face.

"WATCH THE NOSE, YOU ASSHOLE!"

She retaliated with a kick to the crotch.


Cure Fang yelled, "ALL RIGHT, YOU PEEPS MIGHT WANT TO SHIELD YOUR EYES, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T YOU COULD GO BLIND! DON'T UNCOVER THEM UNTIL I TELL YOU TO! ALL RIGHT, THIRTEEN, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOME EZEKIEL 25:17 SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT? It goes like this.

"The path of the righteous man and defender is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the father of lost children.

"And I will execute great vengeance upon thee with furious anger, you who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers and sisters; and you will know that I am Chiba the Bodyguard when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

"PRETTY CURE! LIGHT OF JUSTICE!"

Cure Fang was right. Thirteen was blinded by the Light of Justice. Cure Dragon said, "Sorry, Thirteen, but we're not going to deal with you today. You're not worth it."

Thirteen sputtered, "You… bastard!"

"GOLD THUNDER!"

"SILVER THUNDER! We who are different as day and night…"

"Do join together and combine our might!"

"PRETTY CURE METAL PUNCH!"


Lisa opened a window and picked up Oda, carried him to the window, and threw him out. "AND STAY OUT!"

The last thing Oda saw before blacking out was Lisa giving him the bird.


Rica saw a bright object among the smoldering remains of the suitcase. She said, "That's one thing not even fire can destroy. It's hope."

Rica picked up the object and said, "As our knowledge of the martial arts and the bonds that bind me and my friends together can never truly be destroyed, so too is hope indestructible."

She pressed the button, and a white non-blinding light emerged from it. She continued, "Something big is happening right now, and it certainly isn't the apocalypse. It's a new sense of hope.

"It's almost like Pandora's Box; a whole lot of bad things inside, along with one good thing. We destroyed all the bad things, and the one good thing will always remain with humanity for all eternity."

Ryan and Susan detransformed and started sparring with each other. They were glad that they were still able to fight well; in fact, they knew that after the holidays were over, Lisa would still have a club to operate, and the martial arts was secure for the foreseeable future.

Now all they had to do was finish off Thirteen, but that's a story for another week.


ED: "Anataboshi (When I Come to Your Star with My Love)"


Next episode: "Tredici contrattacca - Thirteen Strikes Back"

Voice actorsEdit

EnglishEdit

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