CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS AND OLD WEST VIOLENCE, THEMATIC MATERIAL, AND BRIEF STRONG LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
Previously on Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon…
Rica said, "Um, I hate to rain on your parade, but right now I'm getting a bad feeling about this."
Cure Dragon asked, "What about?"
Suddenly, they heard sinister laughter. Cure Dragon muttered, "Not him again…"
A deep voice boomed, "Yes, it is I, Nobunaga Oda! Don't you remember me, Pretty Cure?"
As Oda stepped into the gymnasium, the Cures and Rica were horrified at the features they could make out. Principal Mazda said, "I had a feeling you were back… but I never thought it could be true."
Mina yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? ANSWER ME, OLD MAN!"
Oda said, "Thirteen was just a pawn. I am the true mastermind."
Helen said, "It can't be…"
Oda continued, "And now I have come back! To wreak! My! VENGEANCE!"
The chilling laughter resounded across Fujiyama Private Academy.
OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Pretty Cure Dragon ~hybrid version~"
"La vendetta di Nobunaga Oda - Nobunaga Oda's Revenge"
Everyone in the gymnasium stared at each other in disbelief. The whole place was silent for about a minute.
Then Cure Dragon asked, "How can that be possible?"
Mina said, "One thing's for certain: this time, he's not going to be messing around. We'd better be on high alert."
Rica said, "No kidding."
Cure Dragon said, "Well, in any case, he's definitely far more dangerous than any of us could've ever imagined."
Oda bellowed, "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, YOU CUNTS!"
Cure Dragon yelled, "THAT'S IT! YOU'VE CROSSED THE FUCKING LINE!"
He then ran towards Oda and punched him. Rica yelled, "THAT'S IT, LIMEY! PUNCH HIS FUCKING LIGHTS OUT! HE KNEW BETTER THAN TO CALL US THAT, AND HE DID IT ANYWAY! OH! IF YOU FIND A TV IN THIS SCHOOL, THROW THE BASTARD IN!"
All the while giving Oda a massive beatdown powered by rage, Cure Dragon yelled, "I DON'T THINK TELEVISIONS WORK THAT WAY!"
Rica yelled back, "WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK HIM OUT!? THEN YOU CAN TAKE HIM TO KUROIDANI MORTUARY AND DESTROY HIM WITH FIRE! WATCH OUT! HE'S GONNA PUNCH YOU OUT!"
Cure Dragon tried to block the blow, but it was too powerful. He then pulled out an artifact and pushed a button. Suddenly, everyone found themselves being pulled into a swirling vortex.
Everyone woke up to find themselves in a Western-like setting, complete with the arid desert and Dimitri Tiomkin-like music.
Rica looked up and saw a horse-drawn wagon coming. The driver stopped and said, "Good morning, strangers! You work for the circus?"
Mina said, "Long story."
The driver said, "And I'd be glad to hear it! Come on, hop on board!"
They obliged. Rica said, "Pardon me for pointing this out, but why are you doing this for us?"
The driver said, "I'm always willing to transport anyone I come across in this wild wilderness, even the chinks, the n*****s, and the redskins. Let's go!"
The wagon resumed its trail. Mina said, "You wouldn't believe us if we told you."
The driver said, "Please do."
"Well, you see, the truth is, we don't belong in this epoch. We're trying to find the deranged old coot from the 16th century who brought us here and force him to return us to our epoch."
"What does he look like?"
"He looks like a Chinaman, but he's from Japan, not China. And until we find him, we don't have a Chinaman's chance of setting things right."
It is important to remember that our heroes were simply trying to blend in with their surroundings.
"Is he a sorcerer?"
"You could say that."
"Some of you don't seem surprised to be here."
Rica said, "Well, it's happened to some of us before."
"I see. Just a bit of deja vu, huh?"
"Yeah, you could say that."
"Where you headed?"
"Where you're headed, I guess."
The wagon continued on its trail. Suddenly, Mina paused. Rica asked, "What's going on?"
Mina said, "I sense something… our quarry happens to be where the wagon's taking us!"
"Well, ain't that fine and dandy? Or is it just an… eery coincidence?"
"You'd be right about it being eery. Let's just hope where we're headed isn't a ghost town by the time we show up."
Still the wagon headed towards town.
"Here we are," the driver said. "Y'all have a nice day now, y'hear?"
It should be noted that few of the Ichiban students at the Valentine's Day gathering actually wore their uniforms on that day--16% of them, in fact. Kelly was among them. Principal Mazda remarked as they disembarked from the wagon, "You know, every time we go to Fujiyama for Valentine's Day, I just wish more students would wear their uniforms."
Rica said, "I'm very sorry to disappoint."
Principal Mazda said, "No, no, don't mention it. It's just that… when I was your age, 89% of Ichiban students wore the uniform for the annual field trip to Fujiyama. Oh, the times, they are a-changin'…"
They started walking through the town. To their surprise, they came across a dead horse rider, still perched on his horse that was transporting him out of the town, with a sign on his back reading "ADIOS, AMIGO".
"¡Bienvenidas, extrañas!" a mustachioed man with a badge said. "Me llamo Germán Ugarte. I'm the sheriff. Who did you come here to see? The Hitlers? No? How about the Nashes? Not even them?"
For those wondering, the surname Hitler has been in America for a couple of centuries now, even long before a certain basket case started running Germany's most racist regime ever, and there are still Hitlers alive today, most of them not even related to that murderous racist.
"Oh, if you want to strike it rich, you've come to the right place, because everyone here is either rich or dead. Do you wish to buy some guns? Liquor? You don't want to buy anything? How about you sell lead in exchange for gold? I guarantee that you'll either be rich or dead. Don't expect me to mourn for you if you're killed."
They continued on their way to the local tavern. "¡Saludas, amigas!" a voice called. "It's not very smart for anyone, let alone a chink, to wander around town by herself! You girls in a traveling circus or anything?"
Another voice yelled, "You wander into the wrong town or something?"
A third voice said, "Or maybe you shouldn't have been born?"
Three men pulled out their guns. "Do you chinks dance for your circus?"
Rica tried hard to ignore their racist jeering. One of the men said, "Why don't you do a number for us right here and now?"
All three fired their guns at our heroes' feet, forcing them to dance around to dodge the bullets. They eventually ran off as the men reloaded their guns and started singing.
Chin Chin Chinaman Sitting on a fence Trying to make us spend 15 cents Chin Chin Chinaman Sitting on a fence
As they continued towards the tavern, Rica said, "I've said it before, and I'll say it once more: I hate that song!"
They soon came across the tavern keeper, name of Elvis Diesel, outside his tavern. All seven bowed to him saying, "¡Saludos!"
Elvis said back, "Saludas."
As they entered the tavern, Elvis asked, "What do you ladies want?"
Rica said, "Some food and drink. Put it on our bill."
Elvis said, "I know. I understand. You don't have any money. After all, you just came into town. If you don't mind killing, you won't have any trouble finding someone to pay you. Oh. Even my dartboard was murdered. Nobody comes to play. Our time is spent between funerals and burials. Too many killings. No women. Only widows. Around here, you can only gain respect by killing. Nobody works here anymore."
Cure Fang looked out the window and saw someone busy. She said, "It seems someone doesn't share your opinion."
Elvis said, "Oh, that's just the cooper. You know why he's looking you seven over? To take your measurements. He's so experienced, he can do it just by looking at you. All of you will be customers if you're not careful. That's why I want you all to get out as soon as you can."
Cures Dragon and Fortune started walking up the stairs. Elvis asked, "Why are you going up the balcony? Hey!"
Cure Fortune said, "We just wanted to have a look. Things always look different from higher up."
Cure Fang and Rica joined them. Rica noticed a group of men on the streets. She asked, "Who are they?"
Elvis said, "They're bandits and smugglers, come to buy guns and liquor from here and leaving to sell them to the Indians."
Mina, Principal Mazda, and Helen were the last to come up to the balcony. Mina said, "Any market for guns and liquor has got to be rich."
Elvis shook his head and said, "Only they who buy and sell are rich. The bosses clean up."
Helen said, "Yes, I see. Someone's got to run this place; every town has a boss."
Elvis said, "When there are two, though, I think there's one too many. There's the Nashes, a group of Mexicans who sell liquor, and then there's the Hitlers, Austrian immigrants who sell the guns. Oh! If I'm not mistaken, you already met some men in Hitler's gang, right?"
Rica said, "Yeah. And it seems they're casual racists."
"But you chinks are very lucky chinks; usually, they don't stop with the feet."
Rica looked around thoughtfully. "The Hitlers on one side… the Nashes on the other… and us right in the middle… the sheriff was right. There's money to be made in a place like this. Tell me, sir."
"Call me Elvis."
"All right, Elvis, which of the two gangs is the stronger?"
"Which of the two? I believe the stronger gang is the Nashes, especially Nestor."
Rica said, "Thanks, Elvis."
The seven left.
As they passed the cooper, Rica said, "Cooper, get three coffins ready."
They continued on the road and eventually confronted the three men who had shot at their feet.
"Adios, amigas," the leader said. "Did you not get the idea? We don't like chinks in our town."
Rica said, "Yeah, well, you see, that's what we want to talk to you about. That song you were singing as we fled you guys earlier… I don't like it. And I don't appreciate you guys singing it. Of course, if you were to all apologise…"
The guys just laughed and started singing again. Rica calmly picked up a pistol lying around and said, "All right, you bunch of Hitlers, you think you're tough?"
"What!?" the leader exclaimed. "Kill us if you can!"
The two parties stared each other down. Then Rica fired her pistol a few times. All three of them (plus an innocent Hitler bystander) dropped dead, and one lost an arm. Putting the pistol down, she said, "No help for fools."
Then an older-looking man emerged and said, "I saw the whole thing. You killed all four of them. You'll pay, all right. You'll be strung up."
Rica responded by picking up the pistol and asking, "Just who are you?"
The man said, "Don't fire a shot. I'm George Hitler, the mayor."
Rica said, "Look, old man, if you're the mayor of this one-horse town, I suggest you get these men underground."
She and the Cures left in a different direction. Passing by the cooper, Rica said, "My mistake. Four coffins."
Rica watched as the cooper took the four bodies away to be buried. "I told you I wasn't cheap," she said, "but I think you'll find it worth your while."
The man inside the room counted the money in dollars and paid up. "The rest will come when you're all done."
Rica asked, "When do we start?"
"I'm not in a hurry, at least for the moment."
"I believe that with four less Hitlers, right now's as good a time as any."
"In a few days, I hear a troop of cavalrymen will pass through here. I wouldn't want them sticking their long noses into our business."
"You seem to be well informed."
"Yes. In these parts, a man's life often depends on even the slightest information."
Noticing a shot-up suit of armor, Rica said, "Now there's a defective suit of armor if there ever was one."
The man, Don Bernardo Nash, said, "That was my brother Nestor's doing. He often uses it for target practice. When he has a gun on him, no one stands in his way."
Rica said, "I'd like to meet him personally. I'm curious to know what he's like around others."
Don Bernardo said, "Follow me. I'll bring you all to your room."
Rica and the Cures followed him upstairs. He opened a door. They entered. Cure Dragon said, "If only that deranged old coot Nobunaga Oda would show his face, I'd be really happy right now."
Cure Fortune asked, "Why?"
"So I can give him such a thorough beating he'll know not to mess with us ever again! That's why!"
Mina walked outside. "I think I hear something."
Indeed, it was two voices. One was that of Don Bernardo. The other was that of his brother, Arturo.
"You gave her $100? We never pay that much. Explain, please, why you took those chinks on, even paid them $100 when they impressed you."
"They seem to be capable of making the impossible possible. All I want is law and order!"
"If that's all you want, the cheaper alternative would be to drop them with a bullet to each back."
"You imbecilic brother! Just a bullet to the back, and it's over? What if you miss, and they're only hurt? And then there's the cavalry coming into town in a few days…"
"I was only thinking…"
"Let me do all the thinking here! Go to the chinks, and see if they need anything. I want to make it perfectly clear when I say things will be quiet here until Nestor returns. Am I making myself clear?"
Then the seven left their room. The other man said, "My name is Arturo Nash. My brother asked me to… what are you doing?"
Rica said, "Moving."
"But didn't you know the whole gang lives here?"
"I understand, and it's very cozy, but personally, I don't find this place all that appealing. Besides, your brother said he didn't have some new work for us right now, right?"
They left the house.
A few days later, they watched as a stagecoach came in, accompanied by the cavalry. Cure Fortune said, "I wonder what's inside that stagecoach…"
Elvis said, "It'd be quite easy to find out. Get up close and try to take a peek at what's inside. If they fire at you, it a safe bet they're transporting some gold."
Rica, always one to risk her neck for her friends, said, "Now that's not a bad idear, I'd say!"
She then ran over to the stagecoach. The man inside pointed his gun in her face and asked, "Looking for something?"
Rica said, "Hello."
"Beat it, chink!"
Rica tried hard to contain her rage. Helen asked, "Where did you think we were?"
Accompanied by Elvis, Rica and the Cures covertly followed the stagecoach as it went into the frontier. They saw it stop near a river.
Suddenly, gunfire broke out. Elvis, Rica, and the Cures were quick to duck. Then Nestor himself, who was operating a machine gun, emerged and opened the stagecoach, accompanied by two of his best assassins.
There lay a dead lawyer, influential in life, with two fresh bullet holes in him. The assassins had fired one each in the chaos. Nestor asked, "Who's going to mourn the loss of a lawyer anyway?"
One assassin said, "The people loved him."
The other said, "He was their champion."
Nestor said, "Cover our tracks. If there's one thing we don't need, it's less gringos and chinks coming into town for me to pop off."
Elvis recognised the goatee and said, "That's him… Nestor Nash."
Back at the tavern later on, Elvis said, "So Nestor was talking peace with the Hitlers when you met him in person, huh? Fine idea that turned out to be! What was it again? Oh, yes. The Hitlers on one side, the Nashes on the others, and you right in the middle. Only problem is, they've joined up. How will you pay me now? I'll tell you what. I'll forget about your debt. You seven just turn around and never set foot in this town again."
Suddenly, the cooper showed up. "Hi! I, uh, prepared the wagon just as you requested. It's out back, and there's two empty caskets."
Elvis asked, "You planning on entering the funeral business?"
Rica said, "No. I have a better idea. Cooper, if you have some nails and a pair of hammers…"
The two assassins traveled to the tavern, having been sent there by Nestor to get something for their dinner with the Hitlers.
They were met by two young maids and one young butler. Cures Dragon and Fortune wore waitress uniforms over their costumes, and Rica wore a butler costume. One of the assassins said, "I never thought I'd see you working here."
Rica said, "Yeah, after your boss decided to make peace with the Hitlers, my friends and I decided to help the tavern keeper, Elvis Diesel, operate his business just to make some money during this new peacetime. Now what do you want?"
The other assassin said, "Some bread on the side, and some water for the teetotalers who will be there. Also a bunch of fruit."
Rica said, "Very well, sirs. And complementary from Elvis himself, you two get free drinks of your own!"
She then walked over and said, "Bread, water, and fruit! Oh, have you prepared the drinks?"
Elvis said, "Your friend sure knows how to pick her poison."
He glanced over to Mina, who held two empty vials in her hand. Elvis got the food ready and said, "OK, you two, you know the drill."
Cures Dragon and Fortune carried the food and drinks over to the table. Cure Fortune said, "Enjoy!"
The two assassins took one long drink each. Rica asked, "You sure you want us to deliver the order to your boss personally?"
The assassins said, "Yeah…"
Then they collapsed and lost consciousness. Mina said, "Wow, that drink worked easy."
Rica said, "Put it in a basket. I'll have Kelly deliver the order. Meanwhile, Elvis, you help me load their unconscious corpuses into the coffins."
She and Elvis picked up the men, carried them out, and placed them in the coffins. Then they put the lids on and started hammering away.
TO BE CONTINUED…
ED: "Anataboshi (When I Come to Your Star with My Love)"
Next episode: "La speranza attraverso il tempo - Hope Across Time"
- Yuki Tokiwa as Hiroshi Lee/Cure Dragon
- Nana Mizuki as Ran Chan/Cure Fortune
- Mariko Kouda as Kaori Chiba/Cure Fang
- Tomoyuki Dan as Nobunaga Oda; Nestor Naschy
- Mami Koyama as Minako Takada/Cure Dragon I
- Chika Sakamoto as Principal Emi Matsuda/Cure Fortune I
- Saeko Shimazu as Hiroko Masuo/Cure Fang I
- Miyuki Sawashiro as Rica Watanabe
- Hiroyuki Sanada as Elvis Diesel
- Kenta Miyake as Don Bernardo Naschy
- Ryotaro Okiayu as Arturo Naschy
- Tessho Genda as Mayor George Hitler
- Ichiro Nagai as the cooper
- Ryusuke Obayashi as Sheriff Germán Ugarte
- Additional voices:
- Rupert Grint as Ryan Lee/Cure Dragon
- Britt McKillip as Susan Chan/Cure Fortune
- Cyndy Preston as Kelly Chiba/Cure Fang
- Tim Roth as Nobunaga Oda; Nestor Nash
- Edie Mirman as Mina Takada/Cure Dragon I
- Gemma Jones as Principal Emmy Mazda/Cure Fortune I
- Joan-Carol O'Connell as Helen Masuo/Cure Fang I
- Chloe Grace Moretz as Rica Watson
- Gregory Snegoff as Elvis Diesel
- Michael McConnohie as Don Bernardo Nash
- Sparky Thornton as Arturo Nash
- Michael Forest as Mayor George Hitler
- Steve Kramer as the cooper
- Mike McFarland as Sheriff Germán Ugarte
- Additional voices: