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No Way! What Happens If You Get Bitten?

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The following episode contains sequences of graphic violence and explicit language. Viewer discretion is HIGHLY recommended.

It was a bright and early day. Daisuke Mikami was outside on the roof moping about how his girlfriend, Yuu Iwasawa, dumped him in favor of his best friend, Haruhi Sato.

He remembered the times they had together as lovers, including...

The pinky promise they had made that Yuu would marry him;

A movie they went to with Haruhi;

A gymnastics class they went to when Yuu was 9 and Daisuke 8, also attended by a boyish-looking girl with blonde hair wearing a blue tank top, silver leggings, and white ankle-length stockings;

And that time when Yuu dumped him after learning she had to repeat her grade owing to suspicious circumstances.

He said, "Damn… maybe I have trouble communicating because of my autism. At least my voice sounds normal when I record it…"

Then Megumi Haruno, one of the richest students, burst onto the roof and said, "Jesus Christ, Daisuke! Grow some balls, why don't you?"

Daisuke said, "Sorry. Even on the first day, there'll be a chance I'm not excited about the importance. This is one of those times."

"But did you have to play hooky out on the roof? It's like your little pity corner, the way you're going at it."

"Piss off."

"Watch your tongue, Mac, if you like your scholarship!"

"Like my scholarship? How can I worry about that when I'm preoccupied with my own girlfriend dumping me for my best friend? I mean, she's all his; he's handsome, smart, and an athlete. Me? I couldn't top her at gymnastics; even though we took a co-ed class, she'd always outshine my routines even when they were typical of my own gender."

"Now come with me, you lazy bum!"

Megumi dragged Daisuke into the school building.


[OP: "Wherefore Art Thou Romero" by Yoko Hikasa]


TODAY'S EPISODE: "No Way! What Happens if You Get Bitten?"


Megumi dragged Daisuke into an empty room. She snarled, "Goddammit, it's like you're a zombie or something!"

Daisuke asked, "Where do you get off on that?"

"Simple--you look lifeless. Didn't get much sleep last night?"

"Nope. And why are you interested in zombies all of a sudden? I thought you didn't believe in them, given how stuck-up you usually are."

Megumi sighed and slugged Daisuke in the face hard enough to knock him down. "Let me ask you a question, Mac: did you ever see that movie? Apocalisse zombi al liceo, directed by the Godfather of Gore, the great Lucio Fulci?"

Daisuke said, "Yeah, that's the one where a bunch of high school students fight off an entire horde of walking corpses, right? Sure, I saw that, that was one of Fulci's greatest masterpieces, apart from Zombi 2 and Paura nella città dei morti viventi."

"Damn right."

"What about it?"

"Did you know that movie was based on a true story? I ain't shitting you, Mac; I've never been more serious in my life."

"That's not possible; I mean, it showed the zombies taking over the world!"

"Well, they changed it all around! What really happened was, back in 1977, before the first home videos were released by an American audio and video duplicator called Magnetic Video Corporation, at a laboratory at an elevator school in Yokohama, there was a chemical spill and… all that stuff kind of leaked into an area where human remains donated to the school were being prepared for dissection by the students, and it made all the dead bodies jump around as if they were almost alive!"

"What chemical?"

"444-Hydrogen Trioxide, if my father, who told me this story, remembered correctly; it was meant to be sprayed on cocaine or something, and the Ishida Chemical Company was trying to develop it for the SDF, and my father warned Signore Fulci, the guy who made the movie, that if he told the true story, he'd have an international lawsuit on his hands, so he changed all the facts around."

"So what really happened?"

"Well, my father confiscated all the barrels of Hydrogen Trioxide on the premises of the school and had all that contaminated dirt and all those dead bodies shipped out. And they kept it a secret."

"So… how come you know all about it?"

"Well, in a typical SDF fuck-up, the transportation department got the orders crossed… and they shipped those bodies here, instead of to the Ishida Chemical Company."

"So… what do I do?"

"Get back to the roof, and be on the lookout for any walking corpses that might show up, that they don't barge in and try to bring their brethren back with the gas."

"Who'll guard the barrels?"

"I've sent a third-year ballet student named Ayeka Hayashi down to guard the barrels. I also sent the Asakura kid with her because I can trust her to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid while down there."

Daisuke got up and left as Megumi yelled, "And apply pressure to your jawbone since you feel like it's hurting like hell!"


A teal-haired girl with her hair in a ponytail walked down the hallway, accompanied by a youth with short blonde hair wearing the male uniform. The teal-haired girl's name was Ayeka Hayashi; the youth was called Rica Asakura.

Rica asked, "Are you sure we're going the right way?"

Ayeka said, "Rica, I'm pretty sure Megumi told us where to go. She apparently knows the 35-year-old secret harbored by this school, so we should trust her."

Rica asked, "What's the secret?"

Ayeka said, "Rica, she didn't tell me. All she told me was the secret's hidden in the basement and, once we were down there, you shouldn't do anything foolish. She trusted me with you, Rica. Don't break that trust."

Rica said, "Well, I know some parts of the secret, but not all of it. That's why I asked you."

"What the--who told you classified information?"

"It was my father. He's a police officer; he was a curious little bugger at the time of the Yokohama Incident, and he told me just a few things about it. One, the secret involved the craftsmanship of the Japanese Self-Defense Forces. Two, the secret is part of a minor laboratory accident officially known as the Yokohama Incident. No one knows the full extent of what happened--no one--except for those involved in the project, whatever it was, and maybe their descendants. And three, it was loosely adapted into a movie--loosely, because Don Haruno, one of those involved, didn't want the full details of the Yokohama Incident to be leaked. That's the full extent of what I know."

Ayeka said, "Well, now… you learn something new every day. I just hope no one else knows, or Fulci Junior High is in for a major shitstorm."


Daisuke was back on the roof, watching the front gate for any strange activity. He said, "Look alive, my arse. Why do I need to look alive when I need to look out for dead bodies walking around and trying to break in?"

No activity. "Heh. I guess I'm easily fooled. Maybe Megumi lied to me just for shits and giggles… maybe there really is no such thing as walking corpses."

And then… it happened.

A Dietman whose appearance looked weird, as if he wasn't feeling very good. Daisuke was once again made alert. "Who's that? A trespasser?"

Almost as if on cue, a flock of ravens flew by like harbingers of death as Daisuke watched. "Funny… the birds don't usually approach the school at this hour. What's gotten into them?"

Four teachers ran onto the scene. One of them, Natsumi Kousaka, stormed over to the gate and said, "I'm Natsumi Kousaka, one of the P.E. teachers at Fulci Junior High! Who are you, stranger?"

Natsumi noticed the name tag and recognized the name and face of one of the Dietmen. "I don't give a damn if you're a Dietman, I swear I'll have the law on you if you don't piss off!"

Another P.E. teacher, named Hideyoshi Tsurugi, said, "Now, now. I've got this covered." He then stormed past Natsumi and grabbed the Dietman by the shirtfront, yelling, "Now see here!"

Hideyoshi pulled the Dietman and banged him against the gate. "Jesus! He's so bloody strong!"

The Dietman bit Hideyoshi in the arm, and from the way Hideyoshi reacted to that it became very clear that the Dietman had become far worse than insane and alive.

Specifically, he was insane and dead.

Daisuke looked on in shock. He said, "Shit! The infiltration of the living dead has begun! No, no, no, think, Daisuke! The teachers will probably figure something out to prevent Professor Tsurugi from biting someone else, so as to prevent an epidemic."

It only got worse, though: Hideyoshi Tsurugi was writhing in pain. He collapsed after the Dietman released his oral grip on him, blood coming out of his arm like there was no tomorrow, body twitching like someone with rabies.

Then he simply stopped.

And was dead.

The teachers around him were shocked. Daisuke simply said, "God have mercy on his soul."

Then Hideyoshi's eyes opened. Natsumi was overjoyed and said, "Hideyoshi! Are you alright? Thank God you're still with us!"

As Hideyoshi rose, he said, "I'm feeling better, Natsumi, but I'm thirsty… FOR YOUR BLOOD!"

Almost instantaneously, Hideyoshi sunk his teeth into Natsumi's neck. Daiuske yelled, "Dammit, he went for the jugular! I'd better warn Yuu… and Haruhi!"

Then the birds came back for the kill, swarming Daisuke like it was no tomorrow. He tried fighting them off, but it was no use; they just kept coming. He ran to the door and slammed it. The stupid zombie birds rammed headfirst right into the glass window, dying instantly.


Once safely inside, Daisuke checked himself to make sure that the birds didn't bite him. After confirming that there were no fresh wounds, he ran down the hallway and burst into his classroom, where class was still in session.

He stormed over to where Yuu was sitting and yelled, "Come with me if you want to live!"

Yuu looked confused. Daisuke repeated himself: "Come on!"

Yuu asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Haruhi got up and grabbed Daisuke by the wrist. "Please… get the situation off your chest, and do so calmly."

Daisuke said, "There's been a murder at the front gate… I saw it with my own eyes."

Megumi looked up and said, "I don't believe this… I never thought he'd actually see one of those fuckers trying to break in. Much less likely they succeeded, though."

Yuu yelled, "Don't you dare lie to me, Daisuke Mikami! Until I get one good reason why I should budge an inch from this classroom, I'm staying put! Am I making myse--"

Daisuke slapped Yuu hard and said, "Crystal. So listen to me!"

Haruhi said, "This is just bonkers. Come on, outside. Now!"

Daisuke and Yuu followed Haruhi as he left the classroom.


Meanwhile, Rica and Ayeka had located the basement and started to descend down the creaky wooden stairs. Ayeka said, "Mind the fourth step, I heard from Megumi that it's a real bitch."

Once they were at the bottom, Rica found a white jumpsuit and a gas mask, putting them on quickly. Ayeka said, "You sure look like one of those anti-contamination squad guys from Zombi 3D."

"Yeah," Rica said. "Bunch of crazy assholes who never seem to be able to tell human from zombie. Did they even have infection screening technology back in the '80s?"

Ayeka said, "I don't know, but it would've been pretty useful to the heroic young men in masks and white overalls. Why did you put it on, anyway?"

Rica said, "Because I don't know if it's going to be a nastier surprise than we expected, so I've got to be prepared, y'know?"

Then they saw the barrels. Ayeka asked, "Did they just bring some hazardous waste here and leave it?"

Rica said, "You know the SDF."

"They've been here all this time?"

"35 years, assuming I'm inferring what I know correctly."

The two walked closer to the barrels. They stopped near one of the barrels. Rica opened the top of one, saying, "And there they are."

Ayeka looked through the glass-covered opening and saw what looked like a dead body inside. "There's bodies in these barrels?"

Rica said, "I'm just about as mystified as you are."

Ayeka said, "Holy shit… Rica, come look at that. This strange looking creature… was it alive during the incident?"

Rica said, "So it seems."

Ayeka stepped backwards and said, "Oh my God… these things don't leak, do they?"

"Leak? Hell no!" Rica boasted. "These things were made by the Japanese Self-Defense Forces!"

As Ayeka watched, Rica tapped the barrel with confidence. The next moment, a putrefying gas started leaking from the barrel. Ayeka said, "Oh, shit!"

She ran up the stairs as fast as she could as the gas emerged. Then she reentered the hallway and closed the door behind her. Rica was still standing, as the jumpsuit and gas mask provided immunity to the lethal gas. The glass on the open barrel cracked, and that was enough for Rica to run up the stairs, spray a gas repellant upon reaching the top, drop the jumpsuit and gas mask, and scramble into the hallway, closing the door just as quickly.

Once inside the hallway, Rica said, "Monster… in the barrel… rotten flesh seems to have melted off in the air… now it's broken out… clamoring for brains!"

Ayeka yelled, "Let's get the hell out of here!"

As the two ran off, with Ayeka muttering, "Wait until Misa and Tomiko hear about what we just discovered…", the basement door was banged upon hard from the inside. A fist went through.


Haruhi passed a baseball bat over to Daisuke and a spear over to Yuu, saying, "Assuming Daisuke's telling the truth, we need to defend ourselves from these creatures."

Daisuke said, "I'm going to have to take us to the basement and make sure nothing's happened to Ayeka and the Asakura kid."

Yuu looked in Daisuke's direction. "You mean Rica? The blonde kid who studied gymnastics with us?"

Daisuke said, "I guess. One thing's for sure, we need to make damn sure the tanks haven't been tampered with… oh, shit."

A siren had just gone off via the intercom. "Attention all students and staff: we have just been infiltrated by the living dead! This is not a drill! All students are to follow their teachers to safe areas at once! I repeat: this is not a drill! This is not--"

Suddenly, static emanated from the intercom. A growling voice belonging to one of the undead invaders, snarled, "BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!"

A chomping noise sounded. The announcer screamed. Daisuke said, "Oh, Jesus! We'd better go down there."


Meanwhile, another student, named Kyoko Marisawa, stood up. "I'm going to the gym to meditate. Misa, Tomiko, watch yourselves. Make sure the living dead don't show up to eat your brains."

Kyoko left the classroom. Misa Ayasaki and Tomiko Nishi watched her leave. Tomiko got up and said, "Meanwhile, we should get out of here ourselves, before we wind up like Suicide or Trash."

Misa said, "Good idea!"


Daisuke, Yuu, and Haruhi reached the basement. Daisuke was horrified when he saw the busted door. "Oh, shit! The cadavers have been let loose!"

Haruhi said, "Well, then let's go down there and check it out!"

The three walked into the basement. Haruhi hit the fourth step and fell through. "Oh! Holy shit!"

A wandering zombie walked up to Haruhi and snarled, "BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!"

Haruhi got back up and tried to fight the zombie. Daisuke said, "I heard about a teacher at my old grade school. Professor Hamasaki, wasn't it? He was the social studies teacher 35 years ago. He died of a strange illness, so I heard, and even his doctors didn't know how the disease worked. So following funeral arrangements, his body was donated to an elevator school in Yokohama, where it was transported 30 miles by hearse following the wake. His remains went missing shortly afterwards. They were reported as having been stolen by a pair of body farmers, but now I'm sure he was turned into one of the living dead."

The zombie, who was actually Professor Hamasaki, snarled, "LIIVE BRAAAAIIIIIINS!" He walked behind a still-unopened tank of Hydrogen Trioxide and smashed the glass window over a control panel, pressing the lower left 4 and the lower right 4. As the tank started beeping, Haruhi ran toward Professor Hamasaki. "What the hell are you doing, you son of a bitch?"

Professor Hamasaki then grabbed Haruhi by his hair and dragged his head toward the gas pipe. As the gas came out, Professor Hamasaki slammed Haruhi's head into the opening of the pipe. Haruhi took the full blast of Hydrogen Trioxide. Then Yuu jumped off and speared Professor Hamasaki from behind, snarling, "Don't fuck with the spear martial arts club, God damn you!"

Unfortunately, Daisuke and Yuu caught some of the gas as well. After Yuu removed her spear, Professor Hamasaki turned to the trio and snarled, "MORE! BRAINS!"

The trio skedaddled out of the basement as quick as they could.


EYECATCH


Meanwhile, a couple of professors were leading their students down the hallway. One of them had gray hair and wore a beige suit. The other had dirty blonde hair and wore a black suit with a leather jacket instead of a blazer. He was obviously younger than the other teacher.

The older teacher said, "Now stay calm, boys and girls, and we'll get out of here in one piece. Easy does it."

The younger teacher said, "You know, I've got a pretty bad feeling about this, but let's stay calm and get through this in an orderly fashion."

Then a group of zombies showed up. "BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!"

The older teacher was frightened out of his wits. "AAAAGH! ZOMBIES!"

The younger teacher was also freaked out but kept his head, though he did slip up as he reprimanded his peer for losing his head: "Don't just stand there, think for one fucking second!"

The older teacher snapped, "Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!"

"Like this job!?"

Turning to all the students and the older teacher, the younger teacher continued, "Either we are leaving with our heads still on, or we are not leaving at all! Follow my instructions, OK?"


Much to their surprise, Daisuke, Yuu, and Haruhi were being followed by Professor Hamasaki, who kept clamoring for their brains. Haruhi yelled, "Daisuke! Do something, for God's sake!"

Daisuke took his baseball bat and knocked the late Professor's block off. The Professor tumbled backwards, stunned, and collapsed against a nearby generator. His body was dead, but his head still yelled, "BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!"

Yuu said, "Impossible… his body's dead, but his head's still alive, kind of like in George Romero's Day of the Dead."


The zombies are still waiting patiently for the two groups to approach them. The younger teacher said, "Dodging them's easy, but when you have to kill them to survive, then do it! One question, though: how do you kill something that's already dead?"

One student raised his hand. "Yes?"

The student said, "In the movie, they destroyed the brain to kill 'em, is that it?"

The older teacher, impressed, said, "The brains! Right!"

The younger teacher said, "One of you students who is strong enough shall go in and dispatch the zombies either by removing the head or destroying the brain. I will repeat that: by removing the head or destroying the brain. Another student who is brave enough shall serve as his backup, to help him if he gets captured but not bitten. If he does get bitten, you will do the same to him as you would to those creatures. Now!"

Two students approached the zombies. The younger teacher asked, "How many?"

One of the students said, "Five of them, sir!"

The younger teacher then yelled, "All right, then! Break a leg!"

The two students, one offensive and the other defensive, approached the zombies cautiously and chopped their heads off. As soon as all five bodies were neutralized, the two students then smashed the severed heads in to make doubly sure that they were dead.

The older teacher said, "Good, good! Now help us lead the group to the equipment room and smash any zombies you see via the same method you just demonstrated."


Daisuke, Yuu, and Haruhi continued to the school roof. Haruhi felt slightly more ill as they approached the roof. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm not feeling well."

Daisuke said, "No shit, man! It's that damn stuff we breathed!"

They stepped outside the building and onto the roof. Haruhi, who had just seen an astronomy tower nearby, said, "Look! Do you believe it?"

Daisuke said, "Let's go!"

The trio charged toward the astronomy tower, knocking down all zombies in their path. As they ascended the stairs, Haruhi vomited. Daisuke said, "Hang in there, buddy! We'll get us treated as soon as we can!"

Yuu said, "Yeah, you'd better; you and I breathed some of that shit in, too! For all we know, we could only have another hour to live--or worse!"

Daisuke asked, "What's worse than an hour?"

Yuu yelled, "Minutes!"

Then a zombie cornered her. Haruhi said, "I'm going to knock his damn block off!" He proceeded to do just that by slamming the zombie against the wall and kicking its neck hard enough to behead it. Daisuke said, "Whoa… impossible!"

Haruhi yelled, "Well, what are you waiting for, you two? Come on!"

The trio did a final sprint to the astronomy tower and started barricading themselves with everything they could find.


Misa and Tomiko were still in the hallways. Tomiko said, "We should stick together, Misa; best friends do that, right?"

Misa said, "Sure, Tomiko! Best way to survive when the zombies attack, or so I hear!"

Suddenly, a zombie grabbed Tomiko's leg as they passed the stairs. As the zombie started dragging Tomiko to her doom, she yelled, "Misa! Misa, help me!"

Misa tried to pull her friend out and away from the zombies, but another zombie quickly tried to go for her leg, too. Suddenly, she received flashbacks to the night before, when she and Tomiko had seen Return of the Living Dead. Could Tomiko have already become one of them, and I hadn't noticed yet because she was too convincing? she wondered. She had no time to think it over, only to react to the attempt on her leg. "EEK! Get off! Let go of me!"

"M-Misa!"

By this point, Misa's mind was completely clouded, and she couldn't tell human from zombie--"I SAID LET GO, YOU UNDEAD BITCH"

And with a sudden and careless kick, Misa sent Tomiko tumbling to her doom into the hungry pack of zombies.

It was only as she saw Tomiko get eaten by those things that she realized that Tomiko was indeed still human after all, and she had just thrown that away after her sense of fear got the better of her. She watched the feast with a look on her face that screamed "My God, what have I done?" As she watched, she could only say three words: "Father… forgive me…"

She did not know, of course, that the best way to expose yourself to the walking dead was to be too loud. Another zombie mob had appeared behind her, and two of them started pressing on her head hard. Eventually…

SPLAT!

Misa's head was crushed in short order. Her remains tumbled down the stairs past Tomiko's remains. The zombie mob stopped their feast and started on what was left of Misa. Then the two student groups from before passed by and started clearing them out. The older teacher said, "Remember… easy does it, and don't panic. Look alive."

The zombie mob didn't stand a chance.


Neither did Haruhi.

His condition steadily worsened on the astronomy tower, and he coughed up blood. "Dammit! I was so short-sighted… I honestly believed we couldn't become zombies just by exposure to that damn chemical…"

Daisuke said, "Haruhi! Don't you dare die on me!"

Haruhi said, "Daisuke… do me a favor. See that railing over there? It's a clear shot to the ground from there, enough to bust my head up so that I can die while still human. Please throw me over, pal… I don't want to become a zombie."

Daisuke hesitated at first, but he soon picked Haruhi up. As they headed for the spot Haruhi had pointed out, a storm started brewing. Haruhi coughed up some more blood at the halfway point, but Daisuke continued. They finally reached the edge. Haruhi said, "Goodbye, Daisuke. It has been an honor to be your friend for all these years."

Daisuke said, "The same to you."

Haruhi climbed over the railing with what little strength he had left and closed his eyes once he was on the other side. Daisuke gave him a heave, and he tumbled to his death, landing in a puddle of water. Coincidentally, lightning struck his remains as they hit the ground, doing just as good a job as the fall did. Daisuke then went into the observatory and managed to find a Taser. His hands sweaty by now from the chemical he was exposed to, the Taser slipped from his hands and landed on human flesh. He was quickly zapped. Yuu ran over to him. "Daisuke, are you all right?"

Daisuke took a moment to catch his breath and said, "Actually, I'm feeling a lot better." He then zapped Yuu with the Taser. Yuu yelled, "AGH! What was that for!?"

Daisuke said, "To get you back to perfect health."

Yuu asked, "Why would I want to be in perfect health after Haruhi's death?"

Daisuke said, "Because that's what Haruhi would've wanted. He didn't want you to share his fate, because he loved you."

Yuu said, "I get it now. You killed Haruhi because you hated him, didn't you? Because he loved me!"

Daisuke said, "Yuu, please… don't get crazy ideas. I killed him because he didn't want to become a zombie, but because of the state he was in from breathing in that shit, it was either that or death, and he chose death. So I gave it to him."

Daisuke was also secretly jealous of Haruhi because Yuu went to him after being held back a year. Maybe that was part of the reason, too, he wondered.

He had no time to think about it as a pair of piranhas appeared from out of nowhere and latched onto Daisuke and Yuu, biting their wrists. "AGH! Now what!?"

The two ran outside. Looking at the bite marks on his wrist, Daisuke said, "Here we go again…"

The two piranhas emerged from the observatory. One of them, a male named Lucio, said, "Eh, that's what you think, buster!"

Daisuke asked, "Who said that?"

Lucio said, "I did!"

Daisuke asked, "Who?"

"Look at the entrance to the observatory, you idiot! Whose mouth do you think is moving?"

Daisuke said, "OK, now I'm definitely seeing things."

Lucio asked, "Want me to bite you again?"

Daisuke asked, "Who the hell are you?"

Lucio said, "The name's Lucio, fine sir, and I'm a zombie piranha. Now, I'll ask you again: do you want me to bite you again, to prove myself real?"

Upon hearing the word "zombie", Daisuke panicked a bit, but he quickly regained his composure and said, "You know what? I'm just going to take your word for it."

Lucio said, "You feel uneasy, son. Must've been the Z word. Relax! My bites don't turn you into one of those flesh-chomping monsters out there. That was just to inoculate you from the chemical known as 444 Hydrogen Trioxide."

Daisuke said, "Which either a bunch of zombies or that bumbling Asakura kid managed to let out of one of those tanks. But if it was that Asakura kid, no need to be angry; it's just part of that idiot's constant bumbling."

Lucio asked, "How do you know this Asakura person?"

Daisuke said, "That kid studied gymnastics with me and Yuu."

Lucio said, "That's funny, Mac; I don't seem to remember meeting you before now."

"AS IN MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Yuu said, "Ex, actually."

Daisuke said, "Anyway, when not studying gymnastics, the Asakura kid was basically too damn curious to think clearly."

Yuu asked, "So who's your partner?"

The female said, "I too am like Signore Lucio here. The name's Bruna."

Daisuke said, "As in Lucio Fulci and Bruno Mattei, the two guys who directed Zombi 3D… but of course! That's one of my favorites!"

Lucio said, "And it's becoming reality this minute; it all started with the burning of a body."

Daisuke said, "No kidding…"

Lucio said, "The heat mutated the virus, called Death Zero, that was inside the body, then it made the virus resistant to oxygen… and let it escape."

Daisuke said, "That's ridiculous, pure science fiction!"

Yuu said, "Now you're starting to sound like my dad's boss."

Bruna asked, "Who's your daddy?"

Daisuke said, "Captain Masaru Iwasawa of the Takatsuki Police Department. His daughter's my girlfriend."

"Ex, actually. Get it right."

Bruna said, "You two sound like you're still in love with each other."

Daisuke said, "Yeah, well, cut the crap and get back to business."

Lucio said, "Our bites also inject venom into you--venom with a special DNA inside of it… the DNA of Pretty Cure."

Yuu couldn't believe her ears. "Pretty… Cure?"

Suddenly, a pair of Humminbird PiranhaMAX devices appear before Daisuke and Yuu. Daisuke asks, "What the hell are those?"

Lucio said, "Those are your henshin devices. You use them to…"

Yuu said, "Transform into these Pretty Cure warriors, I know."

Daisuke and Yuu picked the devices up. Daisuke still felt nervous. "I don't know if a boy can do this."

Bruna said, "Anyone with half a sense of justice can do it! It's very easy, actually."

Daisuke and Yuu held up their henshin devices. "PRETTY CURE! IT'S PARTY TIME!"

The two transformed immediately.

"The zombie slayer supreme, I am Cure wa'!"

"The sharp-as-nails spearhead, I am Cure cha'!"

"Agents of Romero unite! Together we're Pretty Cure!"

With Cure wa' picking up his baseball bat and Cure cha' twirling her spear, they looked like they meant business. Cure wa' asked, "You ready, Yuu?"

Cure cha' said, "Certainly, Daisuke! I actually feel fighting fit now!"

Cure wa' said, "Let's do this."

The two jumped over the barricade (which is hard to do unless you've got at least a few years of gymnastics training under your belt) and started killing zombies by going for the head.

After dispatching all the zombies on the roof, the Cures caught their breath. Cure wa' said, "That was brilliant, going for their heads like that."

Cure cha' said, "Indeed, it was. You yourself managed to smash up a bunch of walking corpses with your baseball bat. Not bad for a pervert."

Cure wa' didn't like the sound of that last word. "Excuse me? I don't remember inappropriately touching anyone, let alone you."

"Oh, really?" Cure cha' said. "That may be, but just… look at yourself."

That's when it dawned upon Cure wa' as to what he was wearing. A pink leotard, frills, white tights, and a five-layer tutu-like ruffled skirt. He did not like this one bit.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


[ED: "Ganbalance de Dance ~ Zombie a Go Go" by RomeroCures]


NEXT EPISODE: "Fresh Meat! A Bunch of New Cures"

Voice actorsEdit

JapaneseEdit

EnglishEdit

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