The following episode contains sequences of graphic violence and explicit language. Viewer discretion is HIGHLY recommended.
The testing quarters was quiet save for a continuous beeping noise. A dead body lay in a glass container in the center of the room. Two scientists were present: an older man with a moustache, named Fumihiko Kato, and a younger woman.
Kato said, "We're ready." Turning to his assistant, he then told her, "This is it… the moment we've been waiting for: when the dead come back to life. You may give me the Death Zero serum."
The assistant handed it over. Taking it, Kato slowly and carefully performed the injection. The serum entered the cadaver and gradually started to work its magic.
However, it wasn't obvious at first to Kato. "That's odd… nothing's happening."
His assistant said, "That's impossible… the test on the animals, from the dogs to the cats to the rats to the ravens to the snakes to the bats and even the Komodo dragons… they were all positive."
Kato asked, "Well, are you sure you gave me the right amount? Because those animals were smaller than this human. Maybe we should've found someone smaller to test this on. A dwarf, preferably."
His assistant asked, "Why not a child?"
Kato said, "Because that would be too cruel. Even Dr. Butcher, M.D., would find it appalling by his standards."
And then… it happened. The corpse stirred. It moved its lips around. Kato said, "It's working. Look! It's not size that was the problem… we just had to wait a couple of minutes for it to take effect."
The corpse opened its eyes. Kato said, "This is it… the birth of a modern scientific miracle."
Suddenly, Kato's smile faded. The corpse was starting to spasm. Kato said, "This is not going to work out. I'd better recheck my facts about bringing the dead back to life. From the looks of it, I think I should start with Lucio Fulci's Zombi 3D."
The corpse vomited. Kato's assistant tried not to do the same as she swore under her breath. Kato said, "I knew it… something's gone wrong!" He then backed away, dragging his assistant with him.
The scene only grew much grosser as it dragged on. Kato watched in horror as his noble experiment went horribly awry. His assistant screamed, but Kato tried to remain as calm as possible.
Then, it happened.
The corpse stopped moving. However, just as Kato thought it was safe to breathe a sigh of relief, the corpse broke through the glass. The assistant continued screaming. Kato shooed her away and, taking an axe, killed the creature.
Then he stormed out of the laboratory.
[OP: "Wherefore Art Thou Romero" by Yoko Hikasa]
Next thing he knew, Captain Masaru Iwasawa's phone rang. He muttered, "Another complaint… I guess I'll answer."
Captain Iwasawa picked up the phone. "Captain Iwasawa speaking. What's your emergency?"
"This is Dr. Kato."
"Hi, Dr. Kato."
"I'm sorry, sir, but I… I'm obliged to report my boss. It appears that he's engaging in unethical and dangerous activity by putting me to work on a virus that kills the living and reanimates the dead."
"Really? I thought that sort of thing was impossible."
"It was… until now. Remember the High School of the Dead movies, by Lucio Fulci?"
"Why, yes. And some stupid slacker on my force has been caught reading the manga by the Sato brothers on the job by yours truly several times, so I should know how the movies go."
"Right, well… let's just say it could be High School of the Dead all over again. Unless, that is, you were to arrest my boss first."
"Well, you've just provided me with a good opportunity to seize evidence that could reveal what Rokuro Seto was really up to. Want to arrange a meeting with me?"
"Yeah, that's all right."
"Right, then… have the virus ready for me and my boys to pick up, along with security camera footage of you performing the test with the virus. You were intending to simply reanimate the dead, right?"
"None of that 'kill the living' business that ultimately happened was in your intentions?"
"Of course not, sir."
"Good. Are you prepared to surrender the virus and the footage of the virus test?"
"Of course I'd be prepared to. You can come and get it."
"That can be arranged. Can we do it two weeks from now, at high noon?"
"Certainly. But take every precaution. You see, it's… like I said, it's very dangerous."
"Then please prepare a set of precautions for myself and my boys to take in handling the virus. I don't want myself or my boys to get infected accidentally, the way you describe the virus in a nutshell. And please work on an antidote in case anybody does get infected. Once the evidence is successfully used against Rokuro Seto, we shall destroy all samples of the virus that have been seized, in what manner shall be deemed safest."
"See you in two weeks, Dr. Kato."
Captain Iwasawa hung up. He told Captain Mizuhara, "We've got a lead that will likely give us the edge we need to prosecute that son of a bitch I've been investigating for some time."
Rokuro Seto was not pleased to hear that the Takatsuki Police Department was investigating his activities and had cornered him.
He called his son, Taro.
"There's someone in the Takatsuki Police Department stirring up trouble. He's trying to sniff out where all my funding really came from. Worse, he's onto me already. He shall soon receive evidence of my oversight of experimentations with creating a zombie army. Send him a message."
"His daughter is one of your students, isn't she?"
"Make her repeat the grade. That should send the message clear enough that the Seto family is not to be fucked with."
"And the virus?"
"I have two associates that shall take care of it when the time comes. You make your move now. I, on the other hand, will make mine in two weeks' time. End of line, son."
"End of line, father."
Rokuro Seto hangs up. "It begins soon."
Two weeks later, Captains Iwasawa and Mizuhara, along with their units, made preparations to meet with Kato at the laboratory.
Then, at their signal, the units moved out.
Meanwhile, at the lab, four police officers sent ahead of the units came to pick up Kato and his assistant. One of them said, "It's time, doctor."
Kato picked up a box containing the virus, and his assistant picked up a videotape containing the footage of the experiment described earlier. Another officer asked, "You got everything?"
Kato said, "Yes, sir."
The first officer said, "Then let's go."
The officers flanked Kato and his assistant as they depart the premises.
Meanwhile, a green 1983 Toyota Hiace cargo van containing a pair of hired thugs pulled up to the gates of the laboratory. Two guards opened the gate. One of them, recognizing them as friends of Rokuro Seto, walked up to the van and gave them a check-in card. Easing the van in, the guards then closed the gate behind it.
The police cars entered through an unguarded gate. Kato and his assistant walked through the hallways of the laboratory, guarded by the police officers. Two of them stopped by an elevator, and the other two walked in with Kato and his assistant. Before the doors closed, the two entered the elevator themselves.
The Toyota Hiace continued down the path. The police cars were getting ever closer to the laboratory, finally stopping outside as Kato, his assistant, and the quartet of police officers emerged from the elevator. Kato said, "I just love that song."
One of the officers said, "But you can't truly understand it unless you're a skilled capoeira dancer, like my daughter Rica."
The Hiace approached the laboratory as Kato, his assistant, and the police officers emerged from the building to meet with Captain Iwasawa and his men to turn over the evidence.
The stage was now set for an ambush Rokuro Seto assigned his associates to inflict on Captain Iwasawa and his unit. One criminal asked, "Ready?"
The other said, "All right, here we go."
The criminals jumped out of the van and killed one of the officers. Another officer retaliated with a single shot felling one of the criminals. The other criminal fired a fatal retaliatory shot.
Then he ran over to the stunned survivors, including Kato, his assistant, and Officer Asakura. He punched Kato in the nose and knocked him down. As his assistant yelped, the criminal kicked her in the gut and picked up the box and the tape.
As he tried to get into the van with his loot, two security guards from the lab fired at him, scaring him away. The guards approached Kato, his assistant, Officer Asakura, and the other two survivors of the ambush, asking, "Professor Kato, are you all right?"
Kato said, "Yes… get after that man! Get in the helicopter and hunt him down! All of you! He mustn't get away, for Christ's sake, that box is TOP SECRET!"
The security guards, joined by Officer Asakura, the two surviving police officers, and several more security guards, chased after the criminal as Kato says, "I have to stop him, or it'll be the end of everything!"
Captains Iwasawa and Mizuhara proceeded to send their units after the criminal, being careful to drive slowly so as to not mow down the security guards or anyone in their own police department accidentally. Kato held his bleeding nose tightly as he and his assistant entered one of the departing cars.
The chase was on. The criminal was running to dodge gunfire from the police cars. Then Officer Narutaki shot his arm and forced him to drop the box. You'd think an associate of a man with a teacher for a son would be smart enough to not try to pick it back up, but he was too proud of the fact that he's associated with a very powerful man to leave the box behind. As he picked it up…
The man felt pain in his right hand. He ran away holding it up, leaving the broken box behind. Captain Iwasawa radioed to the Commissioner: "We got him, but he ran off. Judging from the fact that he was stupid enough to touch the box after Officer Narutaki shot his arm and broke the box, he can't last long. We're coming back in!"
Captain Mizuhara shot a dirty look at Officer Narutaki, who says, "So sorry, Senpai! I guess I may have gotten you in big trouble." Captain Mizuhara says, "This is not going to end well… we need to catch him, or I AM in big trouble, and you're in big trouble, and we're ALL in BIG TROUBLE!"
She slammed the gas so hard she accidentally rear-ended a squad car in front of her. "Shit…"
She got out, walked to the officer, and said, "I'm deeply sorry about your car, Officer. I wasn't paying attention because I was pissed off that our quarry was stupid enough to get himself infected after Officer Narutaki shot him in the arm. To tell you the truth, she should've aimed for the foot, since at least he'd have the sense to avoid touching the box and potentially causing himself any more pain after that, let alone think more clearly."
The officer said, "Yeah, well, try concentrating on your driving next time, OK? Because I'd hate for the department to lose a fucking squad car, because for want of a nail, a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe, a horse was lost; for want of a horse, a rider was lost; for want of a rider, a message was lost; for want of a message--"
Then Captain Mizuhara reentered her own car in a huff.
The infected criminal removed his sunglasses and jumpsuit in the woods. Seeing the Summer Night Resort in the distance, he ran to it. While running to the front desk, he passed by a couple staying at the resort.
Someone else was on the phone as the criminal reached the front desk. "I want a room."
The clerk said, "I'm sorry, sir, but there are no rooms available at the moment. If you want to come back later--"
By now frantic, the criminal slammed some money on the desk and snarled, "I said I want a room, Goddammit!"
The clerk, stunned by the presence of money, told him, "Well, in that case, we do have a room for you. If you'd just sign here in the registry…"
The clerk proceeded to slide the registry to the criminal, who then signed it with his left hand. The clerk then gave him his key, and he hurried over to his room.
Captains Iwasawa and Mizuhara walk up to the Commissioner's office with their report.
Captain Iwasawa said, "Commissioner, our quarry just infected himself right after Officer Narutaki shot him in the arm, forcing him to drop the box, which landed so hard it broke and caused the virus to leak out. Please meet with Dr. Kato at once, because he may not know this, but Rokuro Seto might have sent those men onto his own turf to steal the virus and the tape that the good doctor said he'd surrender to me. He's at the lab at the moment trying to retrieve the antidote he had made, along with its formula, before it too gets jacked."
Captain Mizuhara said, "You'll have to excuse Officer Narutaki; she didn't know the criminal was enough of an idiot to touch the box after she shot his arm and caused him to drop it so hard it broke, and the criminal's stupidity is very likely something she could never fix."
The Commissioner says, "I see. I'll depart to locate that container as soon as I can, after I tell my clerk to draft an official reprimand to Officer Narutaki, which he'll hand over to her as soon as it's ready. She shall receive no further penalty in connection to this unfortunate incident. After all, she can't control a criminal's IQ level and thus couldn't stop him from infecting himself. I'll be going now. See you later."
The Commissioner departs.
Dr. Kato had just picked up the antidote formula and a vial containing the antidote. His assistant was watching him put it in his labcoat. Then the Commissioner appeared with his two deputies. The Commissioner cleared his throat and said, "Dr. Kato… I'm pleased to announce that we have found your container two miles from here. It was open, with the file containing the liquid broken."
Kato gave a sigh of relief. The Commissioner asked, "Why are you so relieved?"
Kato calmly said, "Because there should be no danger, as the virus is very sensitive to air. I'd give it half a minute before it dissolves."
The Commissioner sternly said, "Explain, please, why you think there isn't any danger at a time like this."
Kato then said, "Because within half a minute of box breaking, the oxygen will have bonded with the hydrogen at such a rate that the hydrogen will have been sucked out of the virus to the point where the virus can't infect anybody anymore because it was diffused by the breaking of the box exposing it to the air, and when the virus is exposed to the air it diffuses, and when it diffuses--"
"Spare me the details and listen carefully because I wasn't finished yet. We found traces of blood all around the box--strangely colored, to be precise. Does that not indicate the bastard was infected?"
Dr. Kato swore under his breath. "Of course a contaminated man can himself infect other persons, through breath, saliva, blood… and any other way, shape, or form of body-to-body transmission! So you have to capture him, before it's too late!"
The Commissioner smiled and said, "Don't worry. We'll take care of it; in fact, we'll scour the whole area to make sure he's captured. A man in his condition can't get very far before just dropping dead."
Then he left the premises, accompanied by his deputies.
"You seriously want me to bring him another pitcher of water?"
The bartender said, "Unfortunately, yes. He says it's to alleviate the pain he got from contaminating himself."
The bellhop muttered to himself, "Again? Personally, I think he's lying to us… pulling dirty tricks to get into the Guinness Book of World Records…"
He proceeded to walk up the stairs to the room with the pitcher. The door was closed, so he knocked twice before entering. He said, "I brought your water, sir."
The criminal said, "Leave it on the table."
As the bellhop put the pitcher and glass on the table and picked up the old pitcher and glass, he asked, "Would you like some room service, sir? Because I think you really need it, the way it looks."
No response. "Hello? Sir? I think I'll take that as a yes."
He walked out of the room and into a maid carrying towels. "Great Fulci, woman!"
The maid said, "Oh! I'm sorry, sir."
As the bellhop picked up the broken glass, he pricked his finger. The maid asked, "Did you hurt yourself?"
Setting his rotting hand on the towel, the criminal took a good long look at how bad it had become.
He said, "Fucking hell… my infection's getting worse… if I don't cut my hand off, I'll die… but if I do, I'll likely amplify my own infection to the zillionth power… and it might not work to lessen the infection anyway… but what the fuck? I must… do it…"
Taking the machete, he chopped his hand off, causing his blood to spray all over the place (in an over-the-top manner, even!), which in turn makes his infection a lot worse, like he had just anticipated.
He yelled, "FUCK! THIS IS NOT THE FUCK WORKING AT FUCKING ALL! I MAY HAVE JUST FUCKED MYSELF BY COVERING MYSELF WITH MY OWN GODDAM MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD! GODDAMMIT! SHIT! MOTHERFUCK!"
"No, it's nothing. Please, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I assure you, woman, I'll be fine. Just go ahead and clean Room 4. There's a disgusting smell in there, kind of like a cross between batshit and horseshit and chickenshit and pink flamingos taking a bath in piss."
The maid asked, "Did you have to use such colorful language for that smell?"
The bellhop said, "Seriously, woman, it's that bad of a smell!"
The maid said, "OK, I'll change the towels, but you should get that finger medicated. Who knows, you may have touched a virus by touching his glass after he touched it. And you know what happens when infection sets in--"
"So I don't need to be told twice!"
The maid, walking into the room, told him, "Suit yourself."
The maid said, "Good day, fine sir. I understand that there's been a mess in here, so if you don't mind I'm going to change your sheets."
Removing the top sheet, she discovered blood staining it. Hearing the criminal moan, she asked, "What is he, really? Does he like jerking off to the sight of his own blood, or a severed appendage? Or did he invite someone along to have a fuck in the bathroom? I'd better take a look and see if he's doing anything lewd in there…"
She opened the door and got pulled in by the criminal, who slammed her face against a mirror and rubbed it on the broken glass.
If this was an act performed for a talent agent, it'd be known best by the name "The Aristocrats".
A decontamination squad for the Takatsuki Police Department shows up. "Come on! Get moving!" they were shouting.
The squadron leader oversaw the operation. The first to be rounded up for a health check were the clerk and a potential new guest. The leader yelled, "Upstairs! All of you! Hurry up! Everyone upstairs!"
Two more guests were rounded up as the squad moved upstairs. The leader moved half the squad to the left before accompanying the rest to the right. Taking the bartender and three more guests, the leader said, "Come downstairs and cooperate with us and nobody gets hurt! Except, of course, for those who have been contaminated by the virus known as Death Zero, but we'll explain later. Right now, we want you five to participate in a health check to make sure you're contamination-free."
The bellhop looked at his own hand and, seeing his own finger rot away, muttered, "Oh, shit…"
The other half of the squadron yelled, "Get everybody out of their rooms! Come on! Move it! Get them out for a health check, for Christ's sake!"
One room had a woman inside. The squadron leader yelled, "Everybody outside! This is not a drill! Take her downstairs to have her checked for signs of contamination."
Another room was occupied by a man in the middle of his shaving. "That's it. Come on! Outside you go for your health check!"
The man yelled, "Dammit! What the fuck!? What's going on? What the hell's the matter with you!?"
The leader says, "Everybody downstairs! Your health is very important to you and those around you!"
He then helped an officer having a problem opening the door of Room 4. "Leave it to me. Out of the way!"
After difficulty with the knob, he kicked the door open. "Oh, Jesus! Look at this! Does the fucker ever clean his room wherever he goes?"
The other officer said, "You idiot, that's the maid's job! Have you never been to a room at the Summer Night Resort?"
"Well, not before today, no. Why?"
"Because I stayed there once before joining the police force!"
"What was it like? Did you order the staff around?"
"No; in fact, I was very humble throughout. I don't think our quarry was ever humble during his stay here. In fact, I don't think he was ever humble as long as he lived!"
"Shut up! We don't know that he's dead yet. But we'll know when we see his rotten corpse."
Throwing the bathroom door open, the leader discovered, to his surprise, the maid's rotten corpse impaled to it from behind. "Oh my God!"
The other officer remarked with an obvious deadpan in his voice, "So he killed himself. Whoopee."
"You idiot, he killed the maid! Did you not notice the dress? Our quarry is male! And being the macho man I suspect he is, he wouldn't dress in drag just to commit suicide!"
Another officer yells, "Come on! Quick! We found him! We found his rotten corpse!"
The two officers ran out of Room 4 and downstairs with another officer. Indeed, the criminal's rotten corpse was sitting in the cellar, behind some clothes.
Back at police headquarters, the Commissioner was on the phone with the two deputies by his side.
"Yes… I see. Evacuate the premises, screen everyone for contamination, and let loose the uninfected. Those who are indeed infected, you are to eliminate immediately. Bury them in the woods. Bring our quarry who infected the place to me in a body bag. I'll take care of him. Thank you very much."
The Commissioner hung up.
The oven doors were opened. The Commissioner oversaw the proceedings. The deputies slowly slid a plastic body bag into the burning oven. Inside was the criminal's rotten corpse.
After the deputies closed the doors, the Commissioner said, "God have mercy on his soul, and may he rest in peace. OK, boys, good show. You may leave."
As the deputies walked away from the row of ovens, the Commissioner found himself confronted by two angry police captains. "Commissioner!"
The Commissioner said, "Why, Captain Iwasawa, Captain Mizuhara, what a pleasant surprise."
Captain Iwasawa was beside himself in fury as he yelled at the Commissioner for burning the body. "Could you please… open the damn oven… RIGHT NOW… before things get worse for want of a nail?"
The Commissioner said calmly but firmly, "It stays closed, and that's final."
Captain Mizuhara pressed on, "But we want it open for good reason. Did it never occur to you, Commissioner, that the ashes, assimilated into the air, could fall back to Earth again?"
As the Commissioner departed, he said boldly, "That's ridiculous! Unlike Dr. Kato, who I wish hadn't gone under the radar for fear of a reprisal against him by Rokuro Seto, the man you're so determined to capture, Captain Iwasawa, because I desperately need to turn to him at this stage, you don't know the first thing about science. Now you're talking pure science fiction!"
Captain Iwasawa said, "Shit… this could become Lucio Fulci's Zombi 3D made reality. Now I have all the more reason to be concerned about my daughter Yuu."
As the ashes are blown out of the chimney and fall on a flock of birds, a message is displayed on the screen at a freeze-frame.
"As Captain Masaru Iwasawa feared, the criminal's ashes infected a flock of birds. A Dietman on his stroll happened to see the birds lying dead on the pavement, and the birds infected him so suddenly before he could make out what the hell had happened. After his death, he came back as a zombie and headed for Fulci Junior High, attended by the daughters of Captain Iwasawa and Officer Goichi Asakura…"
[ED: "Ganbalance de Dance ~ Zombie a Go Go" by RomeroCures]
TO BE CONTINUED WITH PRETTY CURE: AGENTS OF ROMERO EPISODE 1: "NO WAY! WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET BITTEN?"
- Banjo Ginga as Dr. Fumihiko Kato
- Hiroshi Kamiya as Captain Masaru Iwasawa
- Kikuko Inoue as Captain Mizuhara
- Kanae Oki as Officer Ami Narutaki
- Junji Majima as Officer Goichi Asakura
- Kiyoshi Kobayashi as the Police Commissioner
- Shozo Iizuka as Rokuro Seto
- Norio Wakamoto as Taro Seto
- Additional voices:
- John Snyder as Dr. Fumihiko Kato
- David Kaye as Captain Masaru Iwasawa
- Willow Johnson as Captain Mizuhara
- Allison Keith as Officer Ami Narutaki
- Crispin Freeman as Officer Goichi Asakura
- Richard Epcar as the Police Commissioner
- Paul Pape as Rokuro Seto
- Andre Sogliuzzo as Taro Seto
- Additional voices: