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The Girl Who Looked Criminally Cute! Cure Tempo is Born

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CONTENT WARNING: MODERATE LANGUAGE, SOME VIOLENCE, AND INNUENDO

We flashback to the previous day, as Haruhi was just getting her club started.

We see two girls doing calligraphy.

The girl with the red hair and big boobs introduces herself via voiceover.

"My name is Mikuru Asahina. I appear 16, but I won't let you know how old I really am.

"That's classified.

"I'm one of the most well-endowed girls in the school, and I have a bit of a complex.

"The legendary club-surfer, Haruhi Suzumiya, wouldn't stop staring at me! Maybe it's because I dwarf her in chest size? I don't really have a clue.

"And that energetic girl with the green hair? Her name is Haruka Tsuruya, and she's my best friend.

"In fact, she's been my childhood friend since we were still learning how to spell our names.

"I'm a proud member of the calligraphy club. However, something's about to come up which not even I can anticipate.

"Something life-changing…"


(OP: "Bouken Deshou Deshou? (cover version)" by Emma Watson)


Today's episode: "The Girl Who Looked Criminally Cute! Cure Tempo is Born"


The next day, Haruhi is scouring the rooms during break.

After checking all the first-year rooms, she runs into some bullies.

"Hey, hoodsie! Wanna try some cunning stunts with us?"

Haruhi says, "You sound like some of those Kouyouen alpha bitches. Why don't you pick on someone your own gender, bitches?"

"What was that?"

"Yeah, what did you call us?"

Haruhi says, "I called you BITCHES."

"Right, that's it."

"Let's beat her up!"

"Yeah, let's!"

Haruhi says, "Uh-oh, this doesn't look good… what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do…

"Shit, how could I forget? I got skills from some of the clubs I hopped around in! Prepare to be amazed, bitches!"

"That's the third time today she called us bitches!"

Haruhi says, "Correction: Prepare to be amazed, SONS OF BITCHES. That said… HAI-YAH!"

Haruhi suddenly goes all kung fu on the bullies, dispatching all six of them within half a minute.

The head bully stammers, "You manage to flash us all while kicking the shit out of us, and yet we didn't see your panties!"

Flipping her skirt to show them her bike shorts YET AGAIN to prove a point, she says, "Sorry to disappoint."

Then she hightails it to the second-year rooms.


She keeps searching until she finds another room.

She walks in, and suddenly…

Inside is a cute girl with a huge rack. Haruhi's heart throbs, and she can't take her eyes off her for one second.

Then, half a minute later, she hears the bell and yells, "OH SHIT! IT'S THE BELL!"

She runs out of the classroom and barely makes it to her own before the second bell.

Kyon says, "Come on in, Haruhi. Have a seat."

Mr. Okabe says, "We're waiting. Took you long enough. You just beat the bell by… how long was it again, one second?"

Haruhi proudly says, "Exactly! Good observation! I kept time myself!"

Mr. Okabe says, "Yeah, well, if you please…"

As he points to the empty seat behind Kyon, Haruhi gets into it.

She says, "So Kyon, this guy flagged me down, having failed to thank me enough for my courageous actions last night."

Kyon says, "I'll bet he didn't have to thank me at all."

"Of course he did! So he happened to have two copies each of several old tapes in his store.

"Prom Night from MCA Videocassette, Inc. 1980, The Black Hole from Fotomat 1980, War of the Worlds from Fotomat 1979…

"Star Wars from 20th Century Fox's Video Rental Library 1982, The Day the Earth Caught Fire from Thorn EMI Video 1981, The Last Chase from Vestron 1982…

"AND… Night of the Living Dead from Media-Home Entertainment 1978--the one with the scared-looking woman outside the car as its poster girl."

Kyon asks, "So what about it?"

Haruhi says, "He gave all 14 tapes to me free of charge! That was the thanks we got for helping out against the monstrosity that had attacked his store!"

Kyon asks, "So where are my tapes?"

Haruhi says, "I brought the other copies of each of the 7 into the clubroom for you to pick up.

"So don't forget to pick them up before you go! They'll be waiting under an obvious sign reading PICK-UP FOR KYON. Take the bag with you before you go, and that's an order!"

Kyon says, "Yeah, yeah, I get it."

Haruhi says, "Good. They're very valuable tapes, I'll have you know, so treat them like I would mine!"

Kyon says, "Right."


In his lair, Fujiwara says, "So that one failed, too… all the better for my ultimate plan to fall into place.

"Wouldn't want my opponents to be incapacitated before the big showdown, now, do we?"

The terrorbytes present are stunned speechless. Fujiwara bellows, "I SAID DO WE!?"

Fujiwara laughs a bit and says, "I thought not. The next one is going to target a big-boobed girl at North High.

"She'll make quite the contrast to the God Cure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not drafting her.

"I'm just going to make sure the God Cure's personality is a complete contrast with that of the Time Cure…"

He pushes a button. An Ujasukus comes forward. A laser gun, with a bullet encoded with the latest instructions, is fired, striking the Ujasukus.

The Ujasukus proceeds to go to North High to cause a panic amongst the student body.

Fujiwara chuckles and says, "Hopefully this'll draw the Time Cure out in record time. Hopefully…"


  • EYECATCHES*

Kyon walks up to Yuki and asks, "What'cha reading?"

Yuki is still reading The Martian Chronicles.

"Is it any good?"

Yuki says, "Unique."

"Which part of it?"

"All of it."

"You like books, huh?"

"Relatively."

"Is that so…"

After a brief pause, the door swings open as Haruhi's leg comes crashing through. "Hey! Sorry I'm late. It took a while to catch her!"

Haruhi drags in the cutie from before, who asks, "What is this? Where are we? Why did you bring me here?"

Haruhi locks the door, much to the girl's fear ("Why are you l-locking the door?").

She then proceeds to introduce the cute redhead: "Allow me to introduce you. This is Mikuru Asahina."

Kyon asks, "Where did you abduct her from?"

"I didn't abduct her. It was voluntary arrest. I caught her daydreaming in a second-year classroom.

"I walk through every nook and cranny of this school during breaks, so her face started to become familiar after a while."

"Then isn't she an upperclassman?"

"What about it?"

"Never mind, then… uh, Asahina, is it? Why her?"

"Well, take a look."

Haruhi jabs Mikuru's nose with her finger and says, "She's super cute, isn't she? I believe that moe is an essential factor."

"Sorry, come again?"

"Moe! Moe! You know, turn-ons. The element of turning people on."

"I know all the elements from a song I heard once, and moe wasn't among them. I'll tell you what's among them: there's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium--"

"Oh, you know what I mean! Fundamentally, in every story where something strange happens, there's always an alluring Lolita type present! And that's not all!"

Haruhi goes behind Mikuru and grabs her rack as the latter squeals. "She's so small, yet look--her RACK is bigger than mine!

"A Lolita face with twin peaks--an important element of turning people on! And it pisses me off, such a cutie out-racking me!"

Kyon lunges at Haruhi and grabs her hands, trying to pry them off of Mikuru while yelling, "You're such an asshole! You know that?"

"But they're really big! Seriously, why don't you have a go at this?"

"I think I'll pass."

"Suit yourself!"

"So then, what? The fact that this… Asahina is cute, small, and has a huge rack is why you brought her here?"

"That's right. I was thinking we need a mascot character like her. Mikuru, are you in any other clubs?"

Mikuru says, "Um… the calligraphy club…"

"Quit that, then. It's just going to get in the way."

"I see… I understand… I'll quit the calligraphy club and join this one. But… I'm not sure what the literature club does…"

"We aren't the literature club."

Kyon says, "We're temporarily borrowing this room. The club you're being dragooned into is an unnamed student association, yet to be established by Suzumiya over there, that will participate in unknown activities.

"Incidentally, the person sitting there reading Ray Bradbury is the real literature club member."

Haruhi says, "No worries! I just came up with a name!"

"Let's hear it."

Suddenly, Haruhi looks at a familiar figure heading for the clubroom. "TERRORBYTE!"

Mikuru stammers, "What? We're going by such a suspicious name!"

Kyon yells, "No, Asahina! Look!"

Asahina looks at the metallic insectoid as it crashes into the wall, sending a few books tumbling down.

Kyon yells, "NAGATO! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! BRING YOUR BOOK WITH YOU, BUT IT'S NOT SAFE HERE!"

Yuki says, "Understood."

She then gets up, holding her book, and walks out at a fast pace.

Careless as ever, Haruhi whips out her henshin device. She yells, "Got yours, Kyon?"

Kyon whips his out as well, saying, "Always bring this to school with you in case you get attacked, I know."

Mikuru is confused. "Wha-What's going on?"

Haruhi says, "Fear not, Mikuru! You're in safe hands!"

Then turning to Kyon, she says, "Let's do this."

The two yell, "Pretty Cure! Paranormal Power-Up!"

As Haruhi transforms, her hair lengthens back to its original length and turns a lighter shade of brown, called chocolate. Her yellow hair ribbon is retained.

We see a red frilly top appear, similar to that worn by Cure Black. A red bow appears in front, fastened by a gold clasp.

As the camera moves down, jean shorts form on her, followed by short wrist-length white gloves.

As she moves her hands up her legs, red thigh-high stockings appear. Finally, white boots appear on her feet.

As Kyon transforms, his hair lengthens a bit and gains a red tint to it (though not becoming completely red).

Lasers wrap around him to form a similar top to what Cure Dio is wearing, only colored brown and sans bow, and also with edgier shoulder pads, as well as dark brown shorts.

Short brown boots form around his feet, and a red visor appears over his eyes.

"The God Cure is the protector of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Dio!"

"The Key Cure is the password of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Chiave!"

Cure Dio performs a backflip and lands on her feet. As she displays the metal horns and Cure Chiave outstretches his open palm, the two proclaim, "SOS! Pretty Cure!"

Mikuru is dumbfounded. "Y… you transformed?"

Cure Dio says, "No time to explain! There's a terrorbyte on the loose, and Kyon and I have to give it hell before it gives us… and you… hell!

"Always remember the Golden Rule, Mikuru: do unto others before they do unto you! Well, it did unto us. So now we do unto it! AND WE PAY IT BACK WITH INTEREST!"

Cures Dio and Chiave charge toward the Ujasukus that's besieging the cultural clubhouse. But just when they think they're getting there…

BAM!

They both get swatted away. Dio gets knocked against the table, getting bruised in the process.

The table gets pushed back, and Dio suffers further injury as she tumbles backwards, lacerating her finger on a splinter.

Chiave, who only suffered comparatively minor injuries, runs up to Dio and asks, "Are you all right?"

Dio says, "Yeah… some shit that turned out to be. Look at my finger, for Mike's sake!"

Dio's finger is bleeding. Chiave says, "Always be careful around wood. A splinter is not good."

Suddenly, the data around the three is altered. Dio asks, "What the hell is going on?"

Chiave says, "I don't know… but whatever it is, it ain't good."

BANG!

The ceiling drops and crumbles. Standing in the rubble is Cure Extraterrestre, accompanied by EVO.

A frightened Mikuru asks, "Wh-Who are you?"

"The Alien Cure is the newcomer of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Extraterrestre!"

A laser shoots toward Extraterrestre as she performs an acrobatic leap to dodge. When she lands, she poses in a crouched position and proclaims, "SOS! Pretty Cure!"

Cure Dio takes one look and says, "EVO! Glad to see you could make it!"

EVO says, "The terrorbyte is still wreaking havoc around here! Look!"

Extraterrestre utters an incantation, and the data around the group is restored back to normal, complete with the terrorbyte outside.

A henshin device appears before Mikuru. "Wha-What's this?"

EVO says, "Follow Haruhi Suzumiya's instructions! Quickly!"

Cure Dio says, "Push the left, right, and center buttons in that order!"

Mikuru pushes the buttons, and what she says next winds up activating her abilities. "Pretty Cure! Paranormal Power-Up!"

As Mikuru transforms, her hair grows longer, falling just beyond her waist. It also goes from red to cerise.

A light shines onto her, and a frilly pink dress with a stiff skirt appears. Lace trim appears on the hem, and a pink bow appears on the front, fastened by a silver clasp.

On her hands form white gloves that reach up to her elbows, and pink boots appear halfway up to her knees.

"The Time Cure is the ticktockwoman of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Tempo!"

As Cure Tempo walks gracefully a few steps forward, she says, "SOS! Pretty Cure!"

Cure Dio says, "Finally we get someone wearing a dress! I mean, Extraterrestre's outfit is cool, but it more closely resembles what Tron and his buddies in the Grid would wear!"

Cure Tempo is instantly frightened by the Ujasukus. "H-How do I fight this… this… terrorbyte?"

Cure Dio says, "Try a finishing move!"

EVO says, "Yeah, listen to her!"

Cure Tempo puts her arms straight up, fingers pointed upward. "Spiriti cattivi andatevene, perche io vi schiaccerò! PRETTY CURE CLOCKWISE BLAST!"

Tempo swings her left arm clockwise and her right arm counter-clockwise. Out of both comes a pair of spiraling blasts of energy. The impact disintegrates the terrorbyte.

After Extraterrestre utters an incantation from behind and departs, the Cures recover from their injuries. "Wow… I never thought I'd see that splinter go away.

"Anyway, Yuki… IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN COME BACK IN!"

Yuki enters. She asks, "What are you three doing in crazy costumes?"

Cure Dio says, "Just maho shojo costume day for the club, OK?"

Yuki says, "I see. I should have brought my own costume, then."

Cure Chiave mutters, "You were saying?"

Cure Dio says, "Oh, right.

"ATTENZIONE! The name of this new club has just been decided. No alterations have been made since the attack on this clubroom.

"The name of the club is… the SOS Brigade!"

Cure Chiave is confused. "SOS Brigade?"

"You know, short for Save the world by Overloading it with fun--Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade. Any objections?"

Pause. "I didn't think so. DISMISSED!"

With that, Cure Dio and Yuki exit. Cure Chiave approaches Cure Tempo as she's about to depart. "Asahina…"

Cure Tempo asks, "What is it?"

"You don't have to join such a weird group. Don't worry about her. I'll talk to her later."

"No. It's OK. I'll join."

"But I really doubt this'll turn out well."

"It'll be fine. You're also here, aren't you? That was probably an inevitability on this time plane… and I'm concerned about why Nagato is here…"

"Concerned?"

"Ah. No, it's nothing. I may be new at this, but I hope to get along with everyone."

"Well, if you say so…"

"Also, please feel free to call me Mikuru."

As Cure Tempo departs, Cure Chiave looks at the sign and notices the bag below. He checks each tape.

He says, "Good. Luck decided to throw me a bone this time around…"

He takes the bag full of tapes and exits.


(ED: "Hare Hare Yukai (cover version)" by Emma Watson)


Next episode: "Publicity! Haruhi's Constant Planning". Watch it.

Voice actorsEdit

JapaneseEdit

English (Bang Zoom)Edit

English (Texas A)Edit

English (Texas B)Edit

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